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3/10
Another horrible adaptation of a beloved series
28 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Well here we are again folks...another film adaptation of the beloved ATLA franchise that no one wanted or needed. I was suspicious why anyone would attempt such a thing again, especially after the disaster that was the 2010 film. However I tried to remain cautiously optimistic that this new show would be good, especially after the success of One Piece.

Unfortunately, I was sorely mistaken. Like many of the older viewers, I watched ATLA when it first aired as a young adult. I loved ATLA then and still love it now. In fact, I consider it one of my favorite TV shows of all time. I wasn't a fan of Korra, but hey to each their own.

However after watching the entire first season of this new show, I can say with confidence that it is a stinking pile of hot garbage and an insult to fans of the original series. While there were a handful of good moments in the show, the vast majority of it was so effed up that I spent most of the time laughing and shaking my head in disbelief. This show missed the heart of the original by a mile and instead infused it with a hefty dose of modern politics which is unforgivable.

Let's start with the biggest problem of this show - the dialogue. As many other reviewers have stated this series completely lacks the pacing and complexity of the original show. Instead of a well crafted story that slowly unfolds, in this series the characters try to tell the entire story with words instead of actions. Gone is the mystery, well crafted story arcs and character development that made the original show so compelling and drew you into the world it created.

With very few exceptions nearly all of the characters speak without any sincerity or passion and are completely at odds with their counterparts from the original series. This show was so poorly written that I was able to guess lines before they were spoken which left me bored and waiting for each episode to end. Most of the dialogue was so flat and one dimensional that it didn't deliver even a fraction of the powerful storytelling that made the original such a beloved classic.

That brings me to problem #2 - Member Berries Overload. This show has so many references to the original series that it seriously made me want to vomit since it is shoved down the viewers throats over and over again. In some cases we were given poorly repeated lines word for word from the original show (aka Gran Gran), as well as exactly replicated scenes that were unnecessary. Hey kids, remember the flying ice disk from Katara that almost hit Master Paku? And hey looky there, it's a picture of Flopsy! Dontcha remember Flopsy? Weeee!

Problem #3 - Overweight characters and weak martial arts. Now maybe this film was shot in some wide angle format that made the characters look wider, but what gives with how out of shape the vast majority of the cast is? I know the original was a cartoon, but with the exception of Iroh the characters in that show were lean, toned and extremely athletic. But that's not the case in this adaptation.

It shouldn't have been too difficult to find actors who were in good shape with visible muscle tone...but most of this cast looks like they have 10-20 lbs of post virus weight to lose. Even the guy playing Zuko looks a bit chunky and doesn't have a super toned physique. Mai and Ty Lee are both short and plump with chubby faces...seriously what is the deal here? We also don't see them do anything but stand around and talk. The few exceptions are the guy playing Sokka who looks great, as well as Daniel Dae Kim as Ozai who also looks very fit and athletic.

That brings me to another related point which is the poor quality of the fighting and martial arts. The original show had each element based on a specific martial art and they had the animators actually study the arts they were drawing. This attention to detail combined with the power of bending made ATLA really come alive.

But in this adaptation, most of the characters are simply waving their arms around and that attention to detail of their movements resembling specific martial art techniques is inconsistent at best. Most of the bending looks like dancing instead of fighting and is augmented through CGI, green screens, odd camera angles and an overuse of slow motion. It quite simply looks horrible and the vast majority of the actors simply aren't up to the task of making the fighting scenes convincing.

Which begs a serious question...why did they pick so many actors with poor physical conditioning and lack of martial arts ability? Funny thing, after watching the show I learned that the actor who plays Sokka is actually a skilled martial artist in real life. But instead of showcasing his ability he's outshined by the women at just about every turn and whines about his lack of skill as a warrior? No words.

The most egregious example is their casting choice for General Iroh. Paul Sun-Hyung Lee was great in Kim's Convenience, however no pun intended, he's way out of his element here. Paul is completely miscast and I would've loved to have seen an older and seasoned martial artist such as Sammo Hung or Jackie Chan take on the role. Instead of a thoughtful, wise and powerful old man badass like the original, in this series Iroh barely does any bending and spends most of his time talking about his feelings. To make matters worse, he even gets beat up several times which was cringe worthy to say the least.

The CGI on the bending is also a mixed bag. While the fire and earth bending looks great (air bending is also decent), the water bending is just missing something and looks weak and ineffective. Not sure what they were going for here, but in my opinion the water bending just plain sucks.

Problem #4 - Super Boss Girl Power and Introducing Katara - The Last Waterbender If the above examples weren't bad enough, the writers also turned our favorite headstrong and lovable Katara into a soulless girl boss. Her dialogue is some of the worst in the show, and she has such a bad case of power creep she could give Rey Palpatine lessons. In just a matter of weeks with just an old scroll and some pep talk from Jet she becomes a water bending master? Seriously?

And don't get me started on the scene where she gets all of the women from the Northern Water Tribe to join in the fight against the Fire Nation. Funny that we don't see any of them lying dead after the fight, do we? Katara also heroically saves the day in several scenes, including one that was done by Aang in the original series when she's just barely able to water bend. This version of Katara steals the show from Aang at every opportunity and is about as interesting as a plank of wood.

The same goes for Princess Azula. Instead of a lean and mean ass kicking machine, she's another cherub faced overweight kid who looks miscast and can't be taken seriously. In this version Azula is a spoiled whiner with Daddy issues and her character is completely unconvincing. The actress that plays her needed to spend a little more time in the gym/dojo and looks about as lethal as a girl scout.

The female characters in the original had depth and purpose and their character development along with their male counterparts is what made the animated series so good. But they've taken that all away in this version by powering up the women and weakening the men to make the ladies look better. I don't know how many more franchises will need to flop before more writers and producers realize this is a great way to alienate a large segment of your audience.

Speaking of which...let's talk a little about our boy Aang.

Problem #5 - Aang Sucks Aang is next to useless in this show. We never see him practicing or training and he only sticks with his air bending unless he's in the avatar state. Aang doesn't even try to learn water bending because God forbid he's shown as a natural and upstages Katara like the original show. Instead, Aang spends most of the time talking about how useless he feels and only does any serious bending in the finale. I did enjoy the scenes with Monk Gyatso, but beyond that I found the actor that played Aang annoying and missing the mark by a mile. And don't get me started on how they sidelined Appa and Momo...they're pretty much just props in this show.

To sum up, this show may look like the ATLA we know and love, but the heart and soul of the original show has been lost and replaced with nothing of substance. Only a handful of times did I feel drawn into the story but it just wasn't enough to hold my interest for more than a minute or two.

There's more I could rant about, but I think I've covered my major gripes. I can't see how anyone could call this show good with a straight face and shame on the writers and producers for making yet another terrible film adaptation of one of the best TV shows of all time.
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3/10
Unoriginal and feels like a video game rather than a movie
6 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
This movie popped up in my Amazon feed and as a student of the Russian language (and a fan of action B movies) I thought it looked good. First off, besides the opening scene for the Russian commercial there is a grand total of about 3 Russian words spoken throughout the rest of the film. You will hear a few words spoken softly here and there, but everyone in the Russian prison speaks perfect English for some strange reason. Also good luck finding much written in Russian Cyrillic either...it flashes on the screen so fast it might as well not be there at all. Why they chose to write a movie based in a Russian prison where there is next to no Russian spoken makes no sense to me.

I also found the fight scenes to be ridiculous. I'm used to seeing some over the top fighting in B movies (big Van Damme fan) that I know isn't very realistic, but this movie takes it to asinine extremes. The main bad guy does all sorts of flashy flying twirly kicks that anyone with half a brain could see coming a mile away. It gets so bad he actually does Guile flash kicks straight out the Street Fighter video games which is some of the dumbest crap I've ever seen in a movie. If you have even a little background in martial arts you can how stupid these moves would be in an actual fight. The fact that they are sped up also makes them look silly...I didn't know if I was watching a movie or playing a video game in some parts.

Don't get me wrong, both the main character and the bad guy have impressive physiques and are fantastic athletes, but everything is so fake and over the top that it ruined the movie for me. But that is basically the whole film...the main guy is supposed "street smart" but doesn't check his 6 and someone easily clocks him from behind? He also endures starvation and exposure to the elements yet doesn't appear to lose one ounce of his fined toned muscles? You don't see him working out or eating lots of protein...but somehow his muscles always look perfect? This fits along perfectly with the incredible amounts of physical punishment that both he and the end boss (lol) inflict on each other...a normal person would be in the hospital but these guys can take a beating and keep on ticking.

A final point on this movie is that the story is one we've heard too many times. Hero ends up wrongly in jail and learns the force/super ninja moves from some kooky old guy and then kicks everyone's ass. Reminds me of that 80s movie with the lemon eating mo-hawked dwarf...anyone remember that?

To sum up, an unoriginal plot, cartoon like fighting scenes and a complete and utter lack of real Russian culture or language and that's why I gave this crapfest a 3/10. And that's being generous.
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The Legend of Korra (2012–2014)
3/10
A lackluster series that fails on so many levels...
23 December 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I've waited patiently until the conclusion of TLOK to finally write this review. I am huge fan of ATLA…in fact I feel it is one of the best animated series out there and give it a solid 10/10. From the very first episode you are drawn into a world where the story telling and character development are top notch along with some well balanced humor and even a splash of romance. We were able to not only see but also feel the struggles the characters faced and how it changed them. It was a unique series that despite being made for children, appealed greatly to adults as well. Now, let's get back to TLOK.

I thought the first season was okay, but it had promise. I didn't like all of the characters and the pro bending stuff wasn't my cup of tea, but hey…it was more Avatar! However after this the show just continued to get worse…with some exceptions being the Avatar Wan episodes which were simply incredible – in my opinion on par with some of the best ATLA episodes. But despite a few decent episodes this show just kept missing the mark and then concluded with a lackluster ending that was unfortunately a fitting end to this poorly written series.

I always think back to the very first episode of ATLA where Zuko states "You're the airbender? You're the Avatar?" which still gives me goosebumps as I sit here writing about it! It grabbed you in the gut, made you pay attention and care about the characters. ATLA did this masterfully with almost every episode. TLOK failed at this miserably with very, very few exceptions.

Gripes That Ruined This Show:

1) The Radio Announcer: Holy hell was this guy annoying! He needed to die.

2) Love Triangles: TLOK uses this to the extreme and I mostly blame the idiot fans for this. Any one out there ever been in a real life love triangle? I have…and they are not fun at all…in fact they destroy people's lives. Hands down, the most stupid and overused plot device in modern storytelling.

3) Cookie Cutter Villains: Every season of LOK revolves a megalomaniac villain who wants to take over the world and preach their drivel to the masses. Amon was pretty good…but each season we get the same type of evil nut job…same crap, same story. No new ground broken here...lazy writing at its worst!

4) Prejudice against the old characters. We get a little tease of them, but now they are all mostly old and feeble. I guess King Bumi was an exception?

But my biggest complaint about this show is that while the premise was that it was "more adult oriented" the show ends up taking a huge step backwards into kiddie land. If you actually compare the two series…look closely at how many silly over the top characters are in TLOK…and then look at the more serious tone of ATLA. Let me explain further.

At first I liked the fact that the creators were not afraid to jump 70 years into the future…however they didn't really change anything. We have two annoying animals to replace Appa and Momo and they are p!ss poor replacements at best. And then there is a fatal overdose of what I call The Sokka Factor. Sokka's antics were silly and at times annoying…yet his character evolved and he got serious when called to action. If you really wanted a more grown up show…how about leaving this silly humor OUT OF THE NEW SERIES? Well the opposite happens because the writers dump on it us by the truckload!

This brings me to Bolin's character, who along with his wooden brother Mako were both a complete waste of animation and provided nothing new or interesting to the series. I watched the entire first two seasons several times before I actually memorized their names. This is a testament to how worthless I found them and how little I cared for their characters. Bolin's character continues to get more and more stupid and annoying…and then is joined by Bumi, Varrick and finally the most worthless character in the entire Avatar Universe, Prince Wu. This diarrhea overload of silly Jar-Jar Binks "humor" got so bad that I started counting how many minutes of each episode were devoted to these idiotic characters spouting off their stupidity and waving their arms around. I could almost see the writers in a room with a bunch of storyboards:

"OK we start this episode with a little serious story telling to tease the audience…and then BRING ON THE SOKKA! More silliness! Get him on the soapbox waving his arms and being SILLY! The kids love this crap, goddammit! OK, then we have another 2-3 minutes of some personal struggle of Korra's…wait not too much since we want to save the big reveal about Zuko/Toph or anything intelligent fans might actually care about for the next episode…and then GIVE ME MORE SILLY SOKKA!" o_O

Just watch how much screen time, especially in season 4 is given to this drivel. It's such a damn shame. Made for adults my ass!

And as a final insult, we get a ridiculous "Dumbledore is gay" ending. Fan pandering at its finest!

To the writers and creators of this show…you had us by our heart strings with ATLA…you really did. Then you allowed that horrible movie to be made. And then this crappy series. I'm extending my middle finger at my screen and THIS IS FOR YOU and all your stupid fans who actually supported this insipid drivel!

In conclusion I can best sum up the failure of The Legend of Korra and the future of this franchise by providing a movie quote spoken by Mako himself:

"Success can test one's mettle as surely as the strongest adversary".

Case closed.
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2/10
Man of Shameless Arm Flapping
1 September 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I first heard about this film when I saw Keanu discussing it on a talk show...and as I recall when he was asked if it was a realistic film he honestly stated that it was a bit on the fantasy side - and I can see now that he wasn't kidding. To start let's get one thing straight - this movie contains about as much authentic Tai Chi Chuan as a Bavarian folk band. Being a 20 year student of many styles of the art I know I cannot expect much from Hollywood to accurately represent this obscure martial art - but my main question to the producers would be - why are you even trying? Tai Chi is not flashy, sexy nor very interesting at all to most people...so I'm more confused than insulted that they would even name this movie like they did. Man of Anykind of Generic Kung Fu would've have been just fine...

I won't bother going into any details of how wrong their "representation" of Tai Chi is in this movie...it's not worth my time but to sum up it is unspeakably bad. That being said - I am a huge fan of martial arts action flicks and this one, despite it's complete failure at the overall theme is just a bland and mediocre movie at best. The film itself feels more like a documentary and while I do enjoy a movie with minimal dialog that allows the viewer to think a little...this one just doesn't add up. The wonky camera angles and bad lighting seem to have been done intentionally for some kind of cinematic effect...and that style is clearly known as "suck" to me.

Keanu's acting is horrendous...I don't know if he's been smoking a lot of weed since his younger days but he comes across as wooden and completely fake in this film. The plot of this movie is beyond cliché - honorable young man with not seen in a while fightin' skills starts to turn bad but then realizes that you can overcome strength/evil/darkness with yielding/peace/rainbows. Then he kicks El Evil Bad Guy of Death's ass, gains Super Happy Magic 120% ULTIMATE BIG WEENIE NINJA POWER!!, porks the hot girl, etc etc. Well actually there is no porking in this movie...and with the exception of the cop lady the characters are all bland, underdeveloped and uninteresting. Even Van Damme's movies have more plot and character development than this stinker.

The sad part is...I really wanted to give this movie a chance and just enjoy the cheesy fight scenes. But the fact that they kept mentioning Tai Chi over and over made me hope for just a smidge of realism...for instance I had one MA teacher who successfully combined Tai Chi with BJJ and seeing a little of something like this in the movie would have been awesome...but despite the amount of grappling in this movie it was basically an MMA slugfest with no depth whatsoever. After I started seeing the fights get sillier and sillier I kept saying "ok, where's the Hadoken?" and sure enough...we get to see the MAGIC LOOK MA NO HANDS Super Deadly Secret Wu Putang Mountain Shaolin Hyper Cannon Red Palm Fist of Complete and Utter Bull***t...really? My only guess is that the creators of this film were very bored and very rich...and also very stupid it seems.

Also, am I the only one that noticed how the main character gets the living crap beaten out of him several times and never gets a black eye, bloody nose or fat lip? Super chi power? Wait...that's the only thing that leaves a mark or him...and also allows him to survive being stabbed by a knife...hmm...I'll have to remember that one...lol.

To sum up: bad acting, predictable clichéd plot, bad cinematography and a complete and utter lack of realism or authentic Tai Chi of any kind.

This isn't the blue pill or the red pill folks.

This, boys and girls is the Brown Pill.

AKA: PURE CRAP!
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1/10
Bu Hao
31 October 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I found this series on Hulu during an afternoon when I couldn't find anything else to watch, which should tell you something right there. My initial reaction was surprise - how could there have been a series about Bruce Lee's younger years that I'd never even heard of? But after watching only a few episodes I have the answer - this series is truly and utterly horrible.

I'm honestly a very forgiving person regarding flaws and mistakes in movies and television. And regarding Bruce Lee himself - I'm not much of an expert on his biography, in fact he actually died a year before I was even born. But I have spent nearly half of my life studying Chinese martial arts so Bruce has always been an idol of mine since I was very young. I've had the fortune to actually meet two people who trained with him and hear their thoughts of what he was like off the screen (one of whom took his classes in Seattle when he first started teaching, the other got to feel his one inch punch). Both of these gentlemen described him as the real deal and with a lot of respect.

It is a very sad thing that this respect was not given to Bruce in this poorly made series. To start with - the dialog is all in very hyper paced Mandarin (odd considering that Bruce spoke Cantonese, or at least that's what I've read), and this is pretty frustrating as he interacts with the American and British people in the series who are clearly speaking English. There are even times where you read the lips of the actor who plays Bruce and can tell that he is actually speaking English in some parts (especially when he comes to the US). Why they chose to just use Mandarin I'm unsure - and for a native English speaker this is very frustrating. Think of the depth that could have been added with the actors switching between the two languages! We do get some English subtitles, but they are very small, quite bright and I found them very hard to focus on and whomever did such shoddy work should be kicked in the head, repeatedly.

This series does have some okay parts - but it is mainly filled with insipid drama, and the opening theme song is so atrocious that I had to skip over it. The soundtrack is filled with a plethora of overly emotive inducing sounds and sappy mood music...and every martial art move is buffered into oblivion by completely ridiculous WHOOSH sounds. It's just too much...I mean in some parts people just move an inch and it sounds like someone is flapping a large beach towel (I'd hate to see what it would sound like if they actually broke wind). Speaking of which - the actor that plays Bruce simply looks too old for the part. And some of his foes...the maniacal guy with a broom who starts a brawl with a vertical flipping kick (right out of Street Fighter, the video game) seems so over the top...while the boxing champ looks like the kind of guy you'd see sitting on the beach with a boogie board and a hash pipe (and hey, that long hair in his eyes is very helpful when boxing). So much time is spent preparing for that fight...and its over in about 15 seconds...ridiculous.

Other things that come to mind - Bruce Lee's cute and bubbly girlfriend is ANNOYING and ruins every scene she is in. His family spends most of their time spouting unnecessary bleeding heart diatribe...while they don't even bother to tell you much about his siblings. Even with my limited knowledge of Bruce's life, it is quite obvious from the get-go that the term "loosely based on reality" is an understatement of truly epic proportions. It was mostly forgivable during the first 5 episodes, and I'll admit that the story captured my attention enough to keep watching. But once Bruce arrives in the US in episode 6, the errors become so glaring that I stopped watching midway through because I'd simply had enough. Let's go over a few of them:

1) Bruce hands the taxi driver a wad of cash, and you can clearly see a modern dollar bill in his hand. I can understand a show being low budget, but this is unforgivable.

2) When Bruce is collecting trash, you see a pizza box that says "Costco Pizza"...clearly from our modern era. No effort whatsoever here...I guess they just got some trash from the studio where they filmed this train wreck and called it good?

3) The Budget rental vehicles - complete with modern logos...and you know, I'm going to stop here, because I know there are many more...and as a viewer, you start to think that Bruce is really in 1999 or 2010 rather than the late 50s or early 60s. It's like they just completely gave up (or didn't care in the first place).

The bottom line here is - I do not recommend watching this series at all. With all of the afore mentioned problems (any many more that I'm too tired to list), it is just a big mangled pile of crap. If you are a true Bruce Lee fan, do the man the honor he deserves and watch his movies where we can see him doing what he does best. The only positive I can add is that watching this will help you brush up on your Mandarin - however be warned that the translation seems to be crappy as well. I don't speak much of the language myself - but I found many parts where what I heard being spoken vs what was in the subtitles to be missing a lot. I'm sure anyone with a better command of the language noticed even more.

Very bad indeed. :(
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ThunderCats: The Sword of Omens (2011)
Season 1, Episode 1
2/10
Thundercats.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
5 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Well after many weeks and months of getting into arguments on Youtube with kids who weren't even alive during the original airing of Thundercats (I was 10), I've finally seen the entire first episode. All of the trailers I had seen previously made me think this new show would be a turd of truly epic proportions and I wasn't shy about voicing my opinions. I found few who agreed with me. And unfortunately, this new show is indeed a turd and an insult to the original show and its true fanbase, but to be fair it wasn't completely unwatchable, but damn close.

**WARNING - SPOILERS AHEAD!**

First off, the artwork is absolutely putrid, especially for a show as unique as the Thundercats. Yes kids, I know the original was animated in Japan (read that again - ANIMATED!) but it was designed in the good ol USA by Americans who were going for an 80s comic superhero look (watch the special from a few years back which explains this). The result was an absolutely beautiful and unique show, and one that has definitely stood the test of time.

But this super Anime/Manga artwork is just not right for the Thundercats. They used to be well toned and muscular, but now Lion-O looks like a twig boy. However, characters like Cladius are built well, and Panthro looks like the Incredible Hulk on steroids. The detail of the characters faces is thin and weak looking and just doesn't impart the strength and nobility of the original cast. Even the Sword of Omens looks thinner and wimpier than the original, and it needs a serious dose of Viagra. Pathetic and unforgivable!

And now, the new character designs. Tygra looks like a douche, acts like a douche and has a voice like a complete douche. Cheetara looks like an elven prostitute from some kind of teen WoW fantasy...and hey she's a Cleric too...damn why not just make her a Drow Elf? And her voice is just wrong...the old voice imparted her strength, wisdom and maturity (as did the voices for the original cast as well)...but now she sounds like a tinny voiced bimbo. Lion-O sounds okay, I'll give him that. And Mumm-Ra? He looked the part...but he didn't sound evil or sinister enough...meh...they could have done him much better.

The animation was also a bit strange - weird camera angles (especially during the fight scenes) which I think are the result of some young animator who thought they were being very cool and artsy, but I found it annoying and unappealing. The same goes for both Wiley Kit and Kat...they are nothing like their original characters...and the scene of them eating and burping was just a waste. And poor Snarf...why even include him if he's just going to look and act like a lame Pokemon?

The first 30 minutes of the pilot were painful for me to watch...I wasn't moved or inspired, just bored and sleepy. It did pick up near the end and I'll admit it was actually good in a few parts - but there were also no surprises. It was painfully obvious that Grune would betray Cladius and then he'd die to pass the throne on to Lion-O...and getting a tease of actually seeing Panthro (Mumm-Ra in disguise) was kind of lame. But the last part did redeem the show just enough to get me to consider watching another episode (we'll see).

And now onto some of the very annoying and crappy things about this reboot:

1) This could have been a decent show if it it had nothing to do with the Thundercats and was styled in its own unique way. The Avatar TLA similarity is hard to ignore (I loved that show for the record)...but that style, again, is an insult to the spirit of the original Thundercats. Are people in the media so bereft of ideas that they have to reboot and prequel the hell out of beloved classics? An offshoot of Thundercats or an actual sequel to the original storyline might have been nice, but this reboot/relaunch idea is a huge, steaming pile of donkey doody. To the team of designers who thought this up - I sincerely loathe and despise you for all eternity!

2) Seeing Jaga running around at lightning speed like Cheetara made me laugh. He used to be a brave and noble warrior in the flashbacks...now he's a skinny old man who has no self identity. This was very, very lame and completely stupid.

3) The Thundercats don't know about "technology"? An intriguing idea, but once again, unoriginal, uninspiring, and an insult to the original show. Right from the get-go, the old Thundercats had space ships and technology up the whazoo...but also their magic and spirituality. It was a nice and well balanced mix. Now they mess their britches if someone finds an old spark plug...WTF? Whomever thought this idea up should be hung by their ankles and beaten with heavy sticks.

To sum up, this reboot is exactly what I thought it would be - a poor looking, unoriginal pile of crap made by a bunch of idiots who have some major ego issues concerning how special they think they are for attempting to remake one of the greatest cartoons in history. Sorry guys and gals, but you are just a bunch of untalented hacks out to make money...this remake could have been epic and amazing...but you lost the soul of the original show so much that the only thing it has in common with it are a few names and objects. And that's about it.

I will add one positive though - it was freakin' awesome to hear Larry Kenney shout "Thundercats - HOOOOOOO!" one last time...man that really brought me back!

And Larry, I forgive you. Barely. ;)
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Stargate Universe (2009–2011)
1/10
Praise Apophis - this show has finally been put out of its misery!
21 December 2010
Where do I begin here? I didn't start watching Stargate until about 5 years ago, and immediately fell in love with the show (SG1, that is). I soon caught up and watched the show end, enjoying nearly every minute of it. I also liked SGA, and was very disappointed when it was canceled. When I heard about the new series, Stargate Universe, I was really looking forward to it. And then I watched it...and I was speechless. Yes, speechless (and you'll see if you read the rest of my review here, I'm rarely at a loss for something to say). And on that note, I don't think words can ever do justice to just how bad this show really was (yes, was!).

It has been said by many wise folks of yore that change is the one constant in the universe. And more recently, a very wise lady named Wendy Pini said the following statement in the wonderful comic series known as Elfquest: "It was not only his ability to accept change, but to take advantage of it." I may not have it word for word, but read that passage over a few times. Then let us get back to Stargate Universe...

SGU, daresay I almost refuse to admit, was a noble effort in one sense. They tried something different...but in the process, they lost the nucleus of what made the previous Stargate shows so entertaining. It seems that all these years later, no one seems to take heed of just how important it is not to forget that. Remember George Lucas...remember Jar Jar...and don't forget your humble beginnings. Thankfully, it seems the creators of SGU were smart enough to throw in the towel, and I thank them for that. But I'm sorry, you still get only one star! I did try to give this show a chance. More than once. I watched every episode until about mid way into Season 2...and then, mid episode, I finally had enough. I do not think I have ever in my life (all 36 years) stopped watching a Sci Fi show mid episode. I love Sci Fi...but SGU was something else, Drama, etc, whatever you want to call it. And it was bad. Very bad.

Someone commented early on that they actually cheered when what's her name's father died early in the series. Now then, I do like drama, but in its right time and place. I will admit I get misty eyed when I see people die on TV (heck I still get tearful when I see ol' Optimus Prime die in the 80s Transformers movie!). But when the afore mentioned guy died in SGU...I had to admit...I WAS HAPPY! GLAD TO SEE HIM GONE! I knew at that point, that we were going on a one way trip up you know what creek in a canoe full of holes.

As you can see, I barely remember any of the names of the characters. Unlike Star Trek, SG1, SGA, Firefly and many others...I can watch those shows again and again. SGU I could barely stand to watch at all...and after each episode, I knew I would never torture myself again by doing so. It's like eating broccoli as a kid...getting a prostate exam, stood up for a hot date...wait...no, it's worse than all of those things combined! I didn't care about the characters. There were too many of them. The stories were scattered to the four winds. I'm sorry, but I don't care to know so many intimate details of the gay lady's personal life. How about using that STARGATE a little more (yeah, it's in the title for a reason?). How about some real aliens? Nope, just more crap.

And yes, the BSG wanna be thing was impossible to ignore. They even had the strange kooky megalomaniac Doctor with long hair, an accent and yes...THE ABILITY TO SEE AND TALK TO INVISIBLE PEOPLE! After I saw that...I wanted to put my fist through the screen. The only time this show ever got close to being sort of good was when they brought in characters from the other series. And even that wasn't enough.

Well, that's enough ranting. I procrastinated about writing this review for weeks and then months, but now that this show is canceled, all I can say is - GOOD RIDDANCE. Bad writing. Bad acting. And whomever created this abomination seems to have some real ego issues...

In closing...hopefully this will not be the end of the Stargate franchise. If they resurrected Star Trek after the dreadful train wreck known as Enterprise...they I'm sure there's hope for something good in the future. And please - NO MORE INSIPID DRAMA! This is Science Fiction - not a trashy Harlequin Fabio Fantasy! If I want drama in my life, I'll try dating another girl in her 20s again. And when I want to watch good Sci Fi, I will definitely not watch garbage like this thankfully deceased show.

Stargate Universe - may you rest in pieces, and be forgotten for all eternity. Amen. :)
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1/10
The Worst Mortal Kombat Movie EVER!!!!
26 April 2009
Yes, you heard it right, Mortal Kombat! I'll explain this more later, but first...*SCREAM*...*CRY*...*SIGH*....

Let me start by saying that I am a hardcore, old school SF player, and have been playing the game for almost 20 years, been to tournaments, etc, etc. That being said...I will not nitpick about this sad excuse for a movies' mistakes in the SF universe. We all remember the last one. It was bad. We hoped this would be better, but we knew it wasn't going to be great. When your expectations are already very low and you are still disgusted beyond words, then you know you've got a real turd on your hands. I will let other SF players point out the flaws, which are far too numerous for me to mention. Suffice to say, if I may steal a line from Alex Trebek of SNL Celebrity Jeopardy - "I'm speechless!". :(

To sum things up, all I can say to the actors, producers and writers is - FOR SHAME! I know what it's like to do something detestable for money (like doing phone tech support, or maybe acting in a crappy movie)...but have you no honor? And what's more - how on earth did you expect this unholy abomination to actually make a profit? Alienating the SF fans is one thing...but making a movie this bad seems a total and utter waste of time and money. This movie isn't just bad...it's Highlander 5 "The Source" bad! I know, I know, that's a very low blow...but I feel that IT IS that bad...a movie that makes you just sit there and say "WHY? OH WHY??? HOW COULD YOU SINK SO LOW?!?!?".

This is the first, and probably last review I will ever write for a movie, so let me point out a few things that reflect my above sentiments:

On the Streets?

Chun Li's "soul searching" that she does on the streets of Thailand. Now then, as soon as I saw a beautiful, yet utterly broke, lost and homeless young Asian woman trying to find herself in Thailand of all places...I immediately thought of only one thing happening to her...and for decency's sake, I will not list it here! Unforgivable...

SF IV?

When the movie started...the first thing I noticed was that the SF logo was taken right from SF IV. I was excited thinking...hey, they're going to use this flick to promote the new game...right? WRONG! If it wasn't for the title, quite honestly, I wouldn't have any idea what game this movie was based on, and well, I still don't.

Is this Mortal Kombat?

When the female cop character was introduced...my first thought was...hmm, she sure doesn't look like any woman from SF...but hey, give her a skimpy outfit and a pair of sais or fans, and she'd be a dead wringer for Kitana or Mileena from MK II. And then when Gen came on the screen, I kept thinking...why can't I get MK out of my head? Then my buddy pointed out "hey, he played Liu Kang in the MK movie!"...so there you have it...the worst MK movie ever made!

Please Stop with the DANCING!

Let me start by saying that I have nothing against dancing. I am a dancer! I used to hit the Salsa clubs and go Ballroom dancing 5 nights a week. But what the *#$* is up with so many movies putting in these stupid dance scenes? I blame Dancing with the Stars for most of this bile...come on folks this is supposed to be STREET FIGHTER, not DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION! Even with the kinda but not really hot girl on girl tone to the dance...it was still pointless...worthless...and in very, very poor taste.

In closing, if you are a fan of SF, AVOID THIS MOVIE LIKE THE PLAGUE! And for everyone else, AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE TOO! The bar has been lowered so very low now, I don't think it is possible to sink even lower (well it probably is, as this movie has proved). And, this movie actually gave me motion sickness...but I'm not sure if it was from the whipping camera or my level of extreme disgust...ugh...:(

But I will add one positive note - the Tai Chi scene at the start...nicely, and beautifully done! As a long time student of Chinese martial arts...I was impressed by that...yes, those were real moves...someone did their homework for that scene...if only...if only the rest of the movie had followed...

If only....
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