sj29-1 Reviews

Nature Unleashed: Avalanche (2004 Video)

Well I learnt something about avalanches

[10/10 · 7 October 2008]

Well, here I was with my geographical education but this certainly taught me about how avalanches work. And you can hear an avalanche growling by listening to the snow. Creaking yes, but growling? It must be the same way the Nu Image sharks growl too. And volcanoes. I love Nu Image films. A bottle of wine and no expectations are needed for this film. And the acting is so bad you can easily recreate treasured moments in your lounge with friends. Careful that your special effects aren't better than the films! If you liked this in the so bad it is totally brilliant category, make sure you watch Shark Attack3 : Megladon very soon. Cheap night in and would be a brilliant first date.

Shark in Venice (2008)

Shark Attack 4 - pure genius

[10/10 · 7 October 2008]

I hope I am the first person to review this but definitely not the last to see this masterpiece. Nu Image follow up the run away success that was Shark Attack 3 and haven't disappointed. A mafiso plot with a shark thrown in for not much reason. Holes in the plot with the gravitational pull of a black hole, superb acting sponsored by Ronseal. This is fun. Stephen Baldwin is a moody (not sure that the emotion was intentional) something to do with diving, his girlfriend is very soap opera style, the villains are Bulgarian doing Italian accents - which is very convincing. A combination of Jaws, meets Godfather meets Indiana Jones. I would recommend getting your friends round, getting a litre of vodka and watching this. For those in London, fingers crossed this will end up at the Bad Film Club at the Barbican! For Shark Attack 3 people - have a look at the mortician showing the original two bodies. He is the reincarnation of the evil hotel owner in SA3!

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)

This vote hurts

[1/10 · 12 October 2005]

In an attempt to get this film into the bottom 100 of IMDb, I have had to give it a 1. In my heart, this film deserves a 12. It is out of this world. Never again will you see its like. Much imitated but never beaten. From the growling sharks to the gratuitous sex scene, the 'line' to the oh so special effects.

This film is best watched drunk and with friends. Then you will laugh till you cry. Then until you are sick. Bulgarian dubbed by Americans trying to do a Mexican accent. That is almost as special as the effects. The acting is ..... words are failing me.... Well, it is a mystery that no one from this film was nominated for an Oscar but I guess the judges were corrupt that year. It is the only explanation.

I'll leave this review at this. If you don't love, I'm disappointed for you. You obviously take films far too seriously and probably think that The Talented Mr. Ripley is a good film. Go growling sharks, go!

Spiders (2000)

This film was so bad it made me want to write my own horror

[10/10 · 21 April 2005]

I loved this film. It was full of clichés and rubbish effects (the budget was so obviously spent half way through so the second half is more cardboard cut outs than CGI's) The square looking college journalist who's obsessed by UFO's can't get a break with her editor. Then, what a coincidence, a wrecked space shuttle pretty much lands her back garden. By the end, that square looking journalist has lost the specs, her shirt and her hair is hanging down. Then the brave tyke takes on the giant spider with a bazooka whilst hanging from a moving helicopter. Talk about multi skilled. (By the way, this was shortly after the spider had rampaged through down town LA growing bigger with every person it ate).

This film was so wonderful, me and a friend have decided to write our own monster horror. If this can get made, then the studios are going to be snapping up ours. I fancy Spielberg to make the film "Budgies"...