Honestly, I don't know where to start. From the outset, I was rooting for the bad guy to kill off all the characters. None of them were likeable, believable or realistic. I'm assuming the writers of the film were 12 years old because it's just a horrible story and the script was just the worst. And the end of the film!! Oh my god!!!! All their friends have been horribly murdered but they literally drive off into the sunset laughing!! I was expecting a post credit scene to show the bad guy was still around and finished off the survivors, but no!!! Just wishful thinking on my part. If you watch this, more fool you.
Reviews
23 Reviews
The Fall Guy
(2024)
Just Two Hours of Fun!!
22 May 2024
This was never going to win awards but that was never the intention. It is a blast from start to finish with no dip in pace. It's one action scene after another which are all well done. I wasn't expecting much from the two leads but they were really great together. You aren't meant to take this seriously, and the film does a great job at laughing at itself and Hollywood in general. It's just a great way to spend two hours. There are plenty of retro references such as a sound effect being used from The Six Million Dollar Man a few times. The tongue in cheek humour works really well. I really hope they add Stunts as a category at the Oscars because this film demonstrates how incredible they really are, which is reinforced with the behind the scenes montage during the closing credits.
Files of the Unexplained
(2024– )
It's always Southern folk!!
3 April 2024
Warning: Spoilers
This is presented as a serious 'documentary' but I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Hillbillies get abducted by aliens. It's always hillbillies!!!!! There is zero evidence presented. It is utter fantasy. If you wear a tin foil hat and believe the world is run by shape shifting lizards and own every book David Icke has ever written, then this is a show for you. If you believe the earth is flat and the moon is a hologram, this show is for you. Personally, I'd rather be water-boarded than watch any more of this garbage. I cannot stress how ridiculous the cases presented are. You have been warned.
Haunt
(I) (2019)
Incoherent Garbage
7 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
"Horror film taking Netflix by storm" Sucked in by the click bait, I thought I'd give it a go. Oh dear. I get it; low budget with names no one knows. Fine. Acting isn't terrible. Fine. But...... it is so badly edited that I found myself saying "What happened there????" Group of friends randomly split up and are next seen in different parts of the house. It makes it hard to follow and is just infuriating. Unoriginal story. Predict twists and turns. Awful characters. I was hoping they would all die in the first ten minutes!! Cliched feeble female who finds inner strength and beats hoards of burly bad guys using feminism!! At one point she impales her foot and the next scene, she's walking and running about with no sign of a foot injury. She is then shot in the chest with a shotgun. It's but a scratch apparently!!!!!! Go away now!!!
Lift
(I) (2024)
Made as a tax write-off?!!
12 January 2024
I knew exactly what to expect before I started watching. I put my brain in a drawer, suspended reality and began. Ten minutes in and I resorted to contemplating what I have done wrong in my life to warrant this film being made, let alone being made available to watch. It looks pretty. That's it. Awful acting. Cliched speech. Rubbish CGI. I don't pay for Netflix. My partner does. I cancelled my subscription last year because they only make dog-do shows and films. And this is the top of the heap. I'm a fan of apocalyptic films - the ones where the world ends. I longed for a meteor to smash into the planet to end my misery. I'd rather watch my nan in the shower than watch 5 mins of this film.
Ricky Gervais: Armageddon
(2023 TV Special)
Lazy and Recycled
1 January 2024
I am a massive Gervais fan. He is responsible for some of the best TV - After Life, Derek, etc. His earlier stand-ups are genuinely brilliant. The last two or three have seen a steady decline in quality. All he seems to be doing is fulfilling his Netflix contract to collect the obscene amounts of money without concerning himself with the quality of material. He is clearly surrounded by Yes-men who are paid to worship the ground he walks on rather than someone with an ounce of integrity telling him, 'Ricky, this show is rubbish!' This is by far the worst of his stand-ups and isn't worth your time!!
Superman & Lois
(2021–2024)
Quickly became about The Message!
20 December 2023
This started well but by season 2 it was clear that the current Message was going to be threaded into this show. I can tolerate Superman having constant stubble with Latino looks, or Lois Lane looking like a cross between Skeletor and Megamind. I can even tolerate Lana Lang being made Arabic in ethnicity. But making the kids have to deal with liking boys or girls or trying too hard to make the girls more important than the boys..... just leave established material alone!!!! That's what I hate. The constant need to 'update' pre-existing material Modern!!!! Create you own original stories and characters!!! The character Natalie is insufferable.
Silent Night
(2023)
I can't stay silent!
19 December 2023
The idea of having NOBODY speak in the film except on a radio and a couple of mumbled words must have got someone excited in the pitch meeting. The reality is that it's awful. Just awful. The film is only 1hr 40 mins but it's still 40 mins too long!!!!! The whole middle can be cut out. Utterly pointless!! The action!!! Woo may have directed but the action scenes were devised by a 4 year old!!! In the car chase, despite the engines revving to the extreme, they are moving about 5 miles an hour!!!! The shoot outs see the bad guys about 10 feet from each other and nobody can hit a thing!!!!! Two cars driving side by side shooting at each other with about 200 bullets and they hit nothing!!!!!!!! I found myself laughing out loud and swearing profusely at the screen!!!! Woo's use of slo mo is still there but it just made scenes funnier!! The opening shows our main character running in slo mo and it looks awful as he is clearly pretending to run!!!!!!! CGI blood splatter galore! Don't bother!
Alan Carr's Picture Slam
(2023– )
Picture 'Slam my head on the table'
27 November 2023
The slowest quiz on TV. And who keeps giving Alan Carr work? He is utterly insufferable. I'd rather watch my nan straining to park her Sunday roast. And there appear to be three people in the audience with some added canned laughter for good measure. It's even worse than Blankety Blank with Bradley Walsh! What is also apparent is that those responsible for booking the contestants clearly have a criteria: IQ's under 50. Shows a picture of Agatha Christie - "Is that Roald Dahl?" Sweet lord. I thought torture was outlawed yet this show is available to the public!! Don't watch it. Have a bag of beef monster munch instead.
The Secret of Christ's Tomb
(2017 TV Movie)
Fanciful Assertions
19 October 2023
This 'documentary' asserts from the outset that this is the tomb of Jesus. This is nonsense. It is as much his tomb as the Shroud of Turin is a picture of Jesus! What it does highlight is that no one can agree on the facts demonstrated by the religious sects shown violently clashing at the tomb. I don't care what people believe. I care about facts. Demonstrable, evidenced facts. An old book is not proof. Faith is not a valid method of deciding on the truth. There is literally zero real evidence it is the tomb of Christ. This show relies on the gospels which can be instantly dismissed as we know they are anonymous and full of lies. If it makes you feel good to believe it then I'm happy for you but do not push this religious nonsense down outlets throats!
Heart of Stone
(I) (2023)
Laughable
11 August 2023
I lasted ten whole minutes before I had to switch off before I had a stroke because it was so bad. The script in those ten minutes was utterly diabolical with every single spy cliche spoken. Gal Gadot is, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world but dear god, she is a dreadful actress. Perhaps she should stick to posing glamorously on social media and selling her own brand Mac n cheese!!! She is not a leading lady. WW 1 and 2, Red Notice, etc were all awful. This is on Netflix so you know it's gonna be bad! But then again, people will watch it because there is nothing else to watch on that platform!!
Wolf
(2023)
Er........ What????
1 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Episode 2 - wife is handcuffed to a table leg and says they are all tied up and can't get free. LITERALLY LIFT THE TABLE AND SLIDE THE CUFFS OUT!!!!!!!!!!! Are we meant to take this seriously? This show is absolutely FULL off things that are just lazy and ridiculous. This is surely meant to be a comedy! A Carry on film, perhaps. There was clearly no police advisor for the show as they have not got a single thing right. Girlfriend lies about having cancer, boyfriend basically shrugs it off. There is nothing positive to say about this show - I might just watch the rest of it out of morbid curiosity and for a laugh!
Oppenheimer
(I) (2023)
Do one, Nolan!!!!!
21 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I'm gutted. Genuinely gutted!! I couldn't wait for this to come out in a year of dross cinema!!! I KNEW I shouldn't have trusted the fanboy reviews. "Oooo, Nolan is a master!!" "Best film ever made!!" Absolute BS!!!!! This is utter garbage!!! 3 hrs of talking and nothing happening!!!!! Usual Nolan music score drowning out dialogue. 2 minutes to show an atomic explosion which was just a fireball in slo-mo. I have never been so bored in my life. The acting was ok and I'm sure it will win a million Oscar's. I KNEW I should have gone to see Barbie instead of this utter waste of time and talent!!!!
Bloated, unoriginal and verbose
10 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This is what happens when you make one film into two. You end up with an overly long and frankly boring experience at the cinema. Overly long exposition, mediocre acting and lacking in set pieces. The cliff jump was in the trailers, the other set pieces we have seen a thousand times before in this series and other action films. Car chase - check (yawn), fight on a train - check (double yawn) and fist fights - check (choreographed by children!!). The last MI was infinitely more exciting. This bored more half to death. It was the one film I was looking forward to this summer. At least they had the decency to kill a main character!!
Scorpion
(2014–2018)
Makes The A Team look realistic
2 July 2023
Look, I get it. A fun, family show with entertaining characters. But there is zero realism. This is pure fantasy. Nothing the team of geniuses would actually work or be even possible. This makes The A Team look like a documentary. Cheap production values, scripts written by teenagers, over-acting; I found myself watching this garbage just to laugh at how stupid it is. The fact this was cancelled midway through makes sense - someone in charge actually bothered to watch an episode and clearly saw that it was worse than watching James Corden!!! In fact, that's a perfect way to sun it all up. I'd rather watch anything with James Corden than this. Yes, it's that bad.
The Rookie
(2018– )
It started so well!
3 May 2023
I'll keep this short and sweet. I enjoyed this at the start. But then it turned into a "white man is bad" platform. Add to this the stormtrooper skill level shootouts in every episode - officers shooting at bad guys with automatic weapons at a distance of ten feet and missing!!!! Officers shooting bad guys in the leg, arm or feet but never centre body mass. This show has become Naked Gun. Plus all the women officers are ninjas. I get that it's just a Tv show and it's not real life. But I laugh out loud at most episodes. Four or 5 officers head into Guatemala to rescue a colleague from the most powerful drug cartel and are home in time for tea. Utter nonsense.
Halloween Ends
(2022)
Halloween, please End here!!!
14 October 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I cannot put into words just how bad this film is. The story is incoherent, the acting is an abomination and Micheal Myers has nothing more than a cameo in his own movie!!!!! There are hints of story lines going somewhere only to be abandoned halfway through! Is the kid going to be the new monster? Does killing regenerate Michael Myers? I literally laughed at the end of the movie. I do however admire Jamie Lee Curtis : her enthusiasm and pride which she displayed whilst promoting this film proves that she really can act. She cannot truly believe it's any good!!?? You have been warned! I pray this really is the end.
Death of Marvel
12 November 2021
Well, that's me done with Marvel films. This was truly awful. Terrible CGI, terrible script, terrible story. Ben Kingsley was the worst. I genuinely hoped they would all die at the end. And I thought Black Widow was bad.
A Glitch in the Matrix
(2021)
A Glitch in your brain!!
6 September 2021
If you want to teach your kids why drugs are bad, show them this film!! This is utter garbage, giving basement dwellers an opportunity to spout conspiracy nonsense whilst providing no evidence at all. You have been warned.
The Irishman
(2019)
Simply Meh.
31 December 2019
Bloated, egotistical, self serving, done-before, unnecessary movie. It's wonderful to see this cast together, especially JP out of retirement. However, De Niro phones it in but Al and Joe are, well, Al and Joe. The CGI de-aging worked well but these guys can't move like the younger men they are portraying. It felt like a swan song for these legends but they deserve better. I was bored; had to break the movie up into three sittings.
6 Underground
(2019)
You Have Got To Be Kidding!
13 December 2019
How much did Ryan Reynolds get paid? That has to be the ONLY reason he is in this toilet of a movie!! The opening set piece has the worst continuity I have ever seen on film!!! Smashed up cars suddenly being unmarked, a driver wearing a baseball cap in one shot and not in the next then back again, etc. Plot makes no sense either. Typical Bay mess of a movie!!!!!
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