BMovieMogul Reviews

Category 6: Day of Destruction (2004 TV Movie)

Too Much Movie... Too Little Content

[1/10 · 1 May 2008]

Anyone who complains about Peter Jackson making movies too long should sit through this CBS "event". There's about 45 minutes of story padded by 2 hours of unnecessary subplots, featuring bland by-the-book TV drama clichés. Bad science is a staple for crappy weather disaster movies, so I'm not going to complain about that. Silly science can be fun to watch if it's executed in an amusing fashion. What kills this movie is it's 10 subplots... all of which could be excised without destroying what is supposed to be the central plot. The one character that is entertaining to watch in Category 6 is Tornado Tommy, despite being a very annoying stereotype.

Note that I also didn't bother commenting on special effects. Their quality should come as no surprise.

Not recommended.

Wizards of the Demon Sword (1991)

Hilariously Inept

[5/10 · 30 April 2008]

A few years ago, I was shown a high school movie shot with a group of friends, a VHS camcorder, and no money. Same genre. This movie is on par with that. I'm actually impressed that every "actor" in this movie could deliver the ridiculously flourished lines from the script with straight faces. That's not to say that they had any talent either. I was either laughing or banging my head against the wall throughout. I particularly enjoyed watching the villain who reminded me more of a TV evangelist than a wizard. I half expected him to deliver a sermon before unleashing the ultimate evil upon the world. Of course, having past experience with Fred Olen Ray, I knew what to expect. So I can't really say I was disappointed. It's funny to see the exact same "Planet of Dinosaurs" stock footage that he used in a prior movie, "Phantom Empire".

This movie scrapes the bottom of the sword and sorcery barrel, but manages to be hilarious in it's ineptitude. Recommended for MiSTies.

Storm Cell (2008 TV Movie)

Wow... just.... wow...

[1/10 · 30 April 2008]

This one hurt. And I'm usually a sucker for really bad Twister ripoffs made for cable. We've seen this plot before, twice. Estranged parent-child relationship, because said parent is too devoted to chasing that big storm. Parent is obsessed with storms because of a tragedy in their childhood. Parent predicts The Big One will hit right where estranged child lives. Child doesn't believe them. Child has has several tense emo moments with parent. Big tornado predictably hits, key characters survive, and everyone is happy. See "Devil Winds" and "Tornado Warning" for this by -the-numbers plot as well. Amusingly, they use global warming for an excuse to "move" Tornado Alley to the pacific northwest so they could shoot cheaply in Vancouver. As expected, the tornado effects are lackluster. The CGI crew just rendered the same tornado for every scene. I think what really got to me was the darkness of the movie. By that I do not mean a grim undertone to the story... but rather how literally dark the image was throughout. I spent a lot of time straining to make out various details like character faces and locales. The environment around a tornado can be very dark, but this was done throughout the movie. I can only recommend this to people who didn't think it could get any worse than Atomic Twister.

New World (2002)

Virtually Unwatchable

[1/10 · 26 February 2006]

I've noticed a lot of technical attributes can be missing from movies and they can still be viewable, even entertaining in one merit or another. As long as there are one or two key elements that are done well.

Unfortnately this movie fails on every level, most importantly in direction, editing, and acting. To a lesser degree in special effects, and cinematography.

The pacing is absolutely stagnant. There were many scenes where abominable exchanges in dialog that had nothing to do with the main plot would weigh the picture down, and left me squirming uncomfortably as I waited for something worthwhile to happen.

One can overact in a movie, and make it entertaining. William Shatner is a prime example of how much fun watching a ham can be. Underacting however, will kill a movie. Once again this movie excels in the stagnant. The cast seems to at most recite their lines, lacking any conviction or even personality for that matter. Emotional responses required by the script came off as shy and subdued. I think directional ineptitude is largely to blame for this.

Anyway, I think New World is a shining example of the spread of affordable film-making tools to the masses. Just because one has the tools by no means suggests one has the talent.

Antitrust (2001)

Look mom! I made a movie all by myself!

[2/10 · 28 April 2005]

I sort of accidentally ended up watching this movie. I'm still not sure if I regret it or not. I felt like I was watching the film made by that group of film school students that didn't quite make the cut. It plays up every Hollywood cliché imaginable, all the while flogging us with the 'corporations are the ultimate evil' message. Subtlety this movie does not know. As far as that goes, it even manages to provide it's own spoilers.

The story appears to be a computer nerd's fantasy world come true. The lead character is an attractive teenage boy with a girlfriend, yet is a programming genius and apparent hacker (I think), among many other nerd-fantasy-come-true elements that you'll have to see for yourself.

As well, I should've known it would be a z-movie when I saw Ned Bellamy... he tends to be a good tip-off.

Can't recommend this one, I'm afraid.

Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

A step above a stag film.

[3/10 · 27 April 2005]

A dance troupe en route to Singapore crashes their plane, washing up on a mysterious island, where they strip down to what censors would allow and run scared from monsters, that is, when they're not skinny-dipping far enough off camera that you can't see the details.

Very amusing, and often poorly paced, the movie tends to drift from dull to slightly interesting at random. The spider the title implies is not present enough throughout the film to warrant being a title character. Even the true monster of this alleged spider movie disappears for a very long stretch. One might even forget he exists, as the cast seemed to have after a while. The movie mostly focuses on being the 50's equivalent of a jiggle movie. Much of the film however is either over-exposed or under-exposed, making it difficult to watch at times.

I enjoyed the movie though, and I recommend it to the hardcore b-movie fan.

She Gods of Shark Reef (1958)

True to Corman form.

[5/10 · 27 April 2005]

Two men escape from police, only to be stranded on a corporate owned native island (?) where superstitious women worship a shark god. Mayhem and Hawaiian clothing ensue.

As with many Roger Corman movies, I found this movie to be entertaining despite bottom of the barrel production values. He also paces the film reasonably, not wasting any time on unnecessary material. A very short running time results.

However, I can only recommend it to Corman fans, or to fans of low budget tropical island movies. Those looking for horror or sci-fi won't find it here.

The Land Unknown (1957)

Almost a Great Movie

[7/10 · 24 March 2005]

A military mapping operation goes awry and lands a helicopter in a hidden volcanic crater with live dinosaurs.

This movie oozes potential. A reasonable script, decent actors, good pacing, spectacular sets, and the grandeur of CinemaScope. Then you see the dinosaurs.... oh lord, do you ever. One can easily see where their budget ran dry. The movie employs the two worst methods of portraying dinosaurs, and doesn't even do it well. However, the compositing is nearly seamless, so if it were possible, one could become convinced that the producers managed to find a 20 foot tall man to wear a full size Tyrannosaurus costume.

Aside from the special effects, the movie is quite good, nearly rising above B-movie status. The actors all seem for the most part, naturalistic. They all seem to find the line between flat and hammy. The movie never wastes much time on non-essential plot elements, and the running time works out quite well.

Recommanded for those who love the genre type, be it dinosaurs or jungle movies.

Dinosaurus! (1960)

Goofiness Extraordinaire

[9/10 · 24 March 2005]

Dinosaurs and a caveman mysteriously turn up off the shore of a tropical island paradise and wreak adorable havoc.

I don't think I've ever laughed more at a movie that was not created for the comedy genre. Though meant to be a scary monster-on-the-loose film, every aspect of the production ends up making it absolutely hilarious. Just about every character cliché imaginable is played up here, and not very well on all parts. The child star's performance is painfully bad, and he spouts some of the most ridiculous lines I've ever heard in any motion picture.

One particular point of interest is that Dinosaurus! is that it is one of only a very small handful of non-Godzilla dinosaur films to feature an anamorphic widescreen image. It also features the cutest dinosaurs to appear in what was planned to be a horror film, brought to life by the means of very simplistic stop motion.

I highly recommend this movie. It's a laugh-riot all the way through.

The Lost World (1925)

Quite Impressive for a Silent

[8/10 · 18 March 2005]

This is the movie that got me interesting in the art of film making. It's the first and adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's classic tale. And in my opinion, the most faithful in keeping with the spirit of the story. The technical achievements of the movie are the most fascinating aspect of this movie though. Not only predating computers by a huge margin, but also predating the Dunn Optical Printer which became a standard in motion picture effects departments. The stop-motion scenes are quite lifelike, if not entirely believable. It also ranks with Jurassic Park in it's scientific accuracy, based on the knowledge of prehistoric life at the time. Occasionally, the animated dinosaurs step ahead of their time, traveling in family groups and herds. The story structure itself in this film is choppy, even in the restored length. However it is still very enjoyable and worth viewing at the very least as a curiosity piece.

King Kong (1976)

The Ultimate Insult

[2/10 · 18 March 2005]

Wow... it's hard to say where to begin on this one. I think 'horrific' sums it up in one word. Why remake a classic of this caliber? Standing on it's own, it would've been a unintentionally silly camp film that I would've rated higher for general goofiness. Aside from the mediocre monkey suit and full size animatronic 'robot Kong' that gets mere seconds of screen time and more closely resembles a 50 foot tall shag carpet, I think the attempt to make it 'hip and modern' is what truly killed this picture.

It's one and ONLY redeeming value is that you can tell Kong's designer Rick Baker was working his hardest against a completely inept producer and director. The facial features on his Kong are remarkably expressive, though the 'Bigfoot' design of the body (allegedly at the insistence of DeLaurentis) doesn't work well at all.

I could see hints of acting talent in Jessica Lange that would shine through in later films, as she worked her way through the insipid script. There is really and truly a talented cast in there, but they had nothing to work with.

I'd only recommend this picture to those who can't imagine how truly horrible a remake of a classic can be.

King Kong (1933)

Absolutely Amazing

[10/10 · 18 March 2005]

This is my all time favorite picture. In my own small opinion, they don't get any better than this. Sure, the effects are somewhat crude by today's glossy, slick, CGI standards, but they have far more character and personality. The signature style of Willis O'Brien's individual work is present in every frame of animation. And Max Steiner composed a score that melds with the action on screen in a way few films of that time could achieve.

The acting and script for the movie was also far more naturalistic than most of it's contemporaries. The characters all come across as, at the very least, believable. I've heard criticisms of Robert Armstrong's performance as Carl Denham as being too hammy, but when you consider his personality, a flamboyant Hollywood film-maker with a flair for the dramatic, the dialog seems to fit in quite well.

The story also never drags or gets dull, except maybe to those who can only sit through mindless summer action films. They also don't move the story at a pace so fast that it leads to giant plot holes or missed information.

Overall, a great film, and a must-see for any film buff who hasn't yet seen it.