heckchri Reviews

The Amityville Horror (1979)

Worse than the remake

[4/10 · 30 March 2006]

I came into this movie right after watching the remake. And after the remake finished I thought to myself..." Remakes are always worse than the originals so therefore the 70's Amytiville won't be so bad." Boy was I wrong. The first half of the movie scares the viewer with empty rooms and distant noises while the second half is just a jumbled mess. The only thing that kept me watching was the sheer fact that the main guy looked like Christian Bale. The acting was bad, the plot started good ended bad, and the ending to the film is absolutely atrocious(don't know if i spelled that right). If you want my advice stay away from this film as well as the remake, they both suck and are a waste of time.

Doom (2005)

Lord of the Rock

[4/10 · 25 March 2006]

This movie starts off on the plains of Middle Earth where the Rhohirrim(not correct spelling, don't care) are scouting for anything suspicious. They come across this thing called "The Ark" that is a pathway to Mars. So they use this portal thing and end up in a science lab with guns and a slightly attractive woman. But wait...something's wrong. Evil creatures come out but out of nowhere the Rock comes in and kills them all with his bare hands. Never the less the Rhohirrim are impressed, especially Eomer. So they agree to help the Rock quarantine the lab, and they begin stabbing the mutated freaks of nature's with their spears and such. They kill them all and go to the U.S. and have a wrestling match that was shown on HBO last year. Needless to say the Rock and Eomer are now such good friends that they have dinner together every Wednesday. The End.

The Jacket (2005)

Just a re-hatch of other sci-fi's

[4/10 · 7 July 2005]

When I saw this movie the other night I had the best intentions of liking it. As the movie went on, however, I soon realized that I had seen all of this not too long ago. The Jacket is simply 12 Monkeys with a slightly different plot. The Jacket even has a mental institution as a focused setting, and in the mental institution a slightly crazy guy helping Brody out for whatever reason.

I will say this,though, both Brody and Knightly were excellent in the movie. All the acting was well done, a terrible ending in my opinion, but i haven't seen the alternate ending yet. Where The Jacket fails in originality it is only saved by the acting.

Going Overboard (1989)

Why can't I put a rating of 0...

[1/10 · 2 April 2005]

Worst mistake of my life.

I picked this movie up at Target for $5 because I figured, "Hey, it's Sandler I can get some cheap laughs". I was wrong, completely wrong. Mid-way through the film all three of my friends were asleep and I was still suffering. Worst plot, Worst script, Worst movie I have ever seen. I wanted to hit my head up against a wall for an hour, then I'd stop, and you know why? Because it felt damn good. Upon bashing my head in i stuck that damn movie in the microwave and watched it burn....and that felt better than anything else I've ever done. It took American Psycho, Army of Darkness, and Kill Bill just to get over that crap. I HATE YOU SANDLER FOR ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH WITH THIS AND RUINING A WHOLE DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!