Solaris88 Reviews

The Equalizer (2014)

A Wesley Snipes movie

[4/10 · 13 September 2015]

This is a Wesley Snipes movie in which they inexplicably managed to hire Denzell to play Snipe's role. Really, it's a "B" movie. The story is not just dumb, it is painfully dumb. In fairness the actors do a good job considering the dreck they had to work with. Marton Csokas and Chloe Moretz especially do nice work. Denzell, who is now on the wrong side of sixty, is miscast in the Perfect Killing Machine role. But the actors cannot redeem this movie from it's preposterous story line.

How this managed a 7.2 on IMDb is mind-blowing. I guess there's a lot of people out there who'd watch a film of Denzell reading names from the phone book and call it art.

Fury (2014)

Dumb and ugly.

[2/10 · 1 August 2015]

This movie was painfully bad. As I say, it is both dumb and ugly. The dumb parts at least provide some (unintentional) chuckles. In the absurd climatic battle sequence the action starts in broad daylight, there's lots of shooting, and next thing you know there a battle raging (between one broken down American tank and a battalion of Waffen SS) at nighttime. The Germans are, naturally, atrociously bad shots. Although the historical reality is that the sky over Germany in April 1945 was swarming with Allied fighters and fighter-bombers to the point that German troops could hardly move except at nighttime, in this flick the Germans move around unhindered.

You're wondering about the plot? Don't look for anything resembling a plot, because there is none.

As for the "ugly" part, I'm going to be very charitable and assume the people who made this piece of garbage did not INTEND to make the Nazis seem like the good guys and the US Army look like a bunch of deranged psychopaths. That's what they did do however. We get to see the Americans murdering prisoners and raping women - and its not even presented in a negative light, you almost get the impression we're supposed to approve of these war crimes. The only act of mercy which makes an appearance is when an SS man spots the lone survivor of our tank crew in hiding - and decides to pretend not to see him.

For some reason the first review which everyone sees when they come here to look up this movie is one of the very few to give it a high rating, even though that review itself has been given a very poor rating. What's up with that, IMDb?

Eye of the Beholder (1999)

Good acting and camera work

[3/10 · 6 August 2014]

Unfortunately that's the extent of the good things in this movie. To say "the plot is full of holes" is a colossal understatement, the plot is nonexistent. If an alien mother-ship had shown up in the latter half of this film and beamed Joanna on board it would not have been any more nonsensical or out of keeping with what had gone before than the stuff which actually happened. If this was a painting it would be classified as surrealism.

One final problem, this is a movie about a deranged serial killer and the deranged person who is helping that serial killer escape capture. As it happens the deranged serial killer is a beautiful woman, which apparently makes all the difference. It's hard to imagine this flick ever being made if it had involved a male serial killer of women getting away with his crimes and the audience being asked to sympathize with him.

That said, Judd and McGregor both did an excellent acting job considering what they had to work with. And it was very well filmed. And lots of cool older model cars make brief cameo appearances. So three stars.

Unforgettable (2011–2016)

Rather poor

[2/10 · 6 July 2014]

A fairly standard police show, with the hook being the woman with the perfect memory who never forgets anything. The cases are routine and there's no absolutely chemistry between the cast members. Worst of all is that the lead actress, Poppy Montgomery, seems weirdly miscast in her role. Either that or the writers/directors are mismanaging her badly. Watching her twirl her hair around her finger, bat her eyes coquettishly, and giggle like a little girl is just flat out embarrassing. She's supposed to be a 40 year old police detective, yet she has all the mannerisms of a fairly air-headed teen-aged girl. What the heck is that all about?