Abchasi Reviews

Lady of the Manor (2021)

I really wanted to like this movie but....

[4/10 · 19 January 2022]

It was hard. Like a lot of movies, it had potential, but didn't live up to it. Think overused Hallmark plot but with profanity, sexual content, occasional juvenile behavior, and fart jokes. (There's a good reason it's rated R. Many reasons, actually.) It did have its funny/wholesome moments but they were far and in between and mostly happened towards the end. The main characters had somewhat decent arcs and you could tell the Hannah character really did want to do better and do good by her friends. The movie wasn't exactly a failure but it could have done better.

Alienate (2016)

Filmmakers need a refresher course on the use of flashbacks

[3/10 · 10 October 2017]

I view most films as having potential. The problem is that most don't live up to that potential. Either the story is underdeveloped, or it's an idea we've seen a million times over (in this case, surviving an alien invasion), or the characters are underdeveloped, or the plot just isn't strung together very well, or it's a combination of the above problems. Here it seems to be all of the above. And one of the biggest flaws it has is the use of flashbacks. To quote Wikipedia: "A flashback is an interjected scene that takes the narrative back in time from the current point in the story. Flashbacks are often used to recount events that happened before the story's primary sequence of events to fill in crucial backstory. In the opposite direction, a flashforward (or prolepsis) reveals events that will occur in the future.[3] Both flashback and flashforward are used to cohere a story, develop a character, or add structure to the narrative. In literature, internal analepsis is a flashback to an earlier point in the narrative; external analepsis is a flashback to a time before the narrative started." Here, the scenes and points of history in the movie just randomly jump all over the place with no apparent connection or reason. The story, as summarized a dozen times, is about David, a workaholic who tries to get from a business trip in Denver back to his nearly-estranged (and cheating but who can blame her) wife. He is at first completely clueless about the alien invasion, and everyone he meets at first is cryptic about it ("THEY" poisoned the water, "THEY" invaded my property and I'm gonna empty the gun on them). The scenes are disproportionately out of order, jumping between scenes with him alone, scenes with his wife, scenes with him and his wife, scenes with him trying to help victims, scenes running away from or into aliens, etc. At one point it jumps back and forth between David rescuing a woman and David rescuing a man, WITH NO APPARENT REASON. The flashbacks, if that's what you want to call them, are not linked in any logical way. They could have strung the story out in a much more linear way (Couple having problems, David leaving for Denver, wife cheating, David slowly realizing the invasion, David tries to get home, David helps man infected by water, David helps crowd and only makes it out with woman, David finds his way home and runs into his wife just before....you know). And it would have worked FOR the film. Again, overused story plot, but it would have made so much more sense for the viewer. I get that maybe the producers wanted to try something new, maybe original story angles. And that could have been great, theoretically. Instead, they just caused the plot to jump everywhere, adding more confusion than necessary--confusion that could have gotten cleared up in a much better way, but nothing comes out of it. Instead he makes it back by pure dumb luck only to accidentally run into his wife by pure dumb luck, and be the last guy alive in the end. The whole movie could be one linear scene, with maybe one or two flashbacks to spice things up a bit, and the whole thing could be about David and his wife trying to reconcile over the phone while he tries to make it home alive. But no, we get this jumbled up mess that barely makes it to the end. Better luck next time.

Ghostmates (2016)

Silly but entertaining

[5/10 · 28 December 2016]

One of those goofy-humor, clichéd but still entertaining plot lines, sprinkled with bits of originality here and there. Self-absorbed Eddie fails his girlfriend, who leaves him. Eddie tries to go after her but gets trapped and dies a rather confusing death. Enter Charlie, the token socially-inept new guy who OF COURSE is the only one who can see dead people, or at least just Eddie. Eddie immediately falls into the trolling asshole ghost role before dropping the "if you help me move on I'll stop bothering you", and the race is on. Then we get the token ghost's-ex-girlfriend-who-doesn't-like-Charlie-at-first, although it doesn't end like we think it will. The humor is silly, some parts are predictable but there are some unexpectedly fresh takes in the plot. If you're a ghost story fan or just like this particular genre, it's not a complete waste of time.

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

A sequel, or the combined efforts of fanfic writers?

[5/10 · 28 June 2016]

Seriously. That seems a much more plausible explanation than legitimate Hollywood writers and producers putting this thing together.

I had a bad day at work earlier. After a failed attempt to nap in my car after my shift, I decided to treat myself to a movie instead of giving into the temptations of shopping.

I should have gone shopping.

When the movie started I thought, "I should have watched this in 3D." By the time I walked out I thought, "I should have watched 'Finding Dory.'" It's as if whoever wrote and pieced this thing together had looked back at the original and noted the comedy, CGI, wonderful actors, lucky escapes, and thought "Let's put in more comedy! More CGI! More actors! More lucky escapes! It will be an even bigger hit!" It didn't work. The original, which had its goofy and silly moments, at least managed to balance it out with the drama and overall plot. This movie went way overboard in their attempts at comic relief, as well as everything else. This movie could have been over way sooner and I could have wrapped up the evening eating out with my parents, but no. They had to drag this one out. You couldn't suspend your disbelief if you tried. There were too many times when the protagonists should have been torn to shreds, shot, crushed, or blown up a hundred times over, but you KNEW that they were going to come out alive. You could predict lines and outcomes and count the clichés by the dozens. The characters were poorly written in and had little to no character development (or character for that matter), the expositions were of little to no use, and the plot points just added to the annoyance. Some of the lines were unnecessary, some characters from the original were brought back only to be killed off quickly (or killed off before the movie began).

Yes, I did laugh out loud at some of the goofy moments (although in one case I tried to cover it up by coughing), but at times I ended up paying attention to my phone instead of the movie every time I got a text or notification on Facebook. It could have been a better experience if they hadn't stretched it to two hours and instead had cut out the more drawn-out scenes. The only redeeming quality was Jeff Goldblum. Take him out of the equation and this movie would have fallen to bits.

Final verdict: It's one of many movies that had potential but failed to live up to it. Wait til it's out on DVD and rent it on a rainy day, but don't spend $12 like I did in the theater.

The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death (2014)

If you haven't watched this yet, RUN

[1 June 2016]

Oh, dear, where to begin with this headache of a film? The lack of a decent plot? The lack of acting skills? The lack of a satisfying climax? The lack of good, steady camera work? From the beginning, I was unimpressed. They begin with a quick recap of the original movie right at the beginning. Boring. I was then surprised to see the "plot" open with a promotional event for the original movie. (Really? There's a universe in which people loved the first film?) Later, one of the cast members flirts with a young woman while playing with a Ouija board and, predictably, they leave it and a ghost gets out. During a haunted house tour, the cast members and guests start disappearing or dying off one by one. Nothing unoriginal or memorable, except the "climax", which leaves you screaming WTF? all the way to the end credits. The movie is littered with unimaginative, weak attempts at jump scares. The acting is deplorable, next to nonexistent. The actors are annoying and make you wait impatiently for them to get killed off. The camera could not be kept still. There is a part of the haunted tour where they come across the body of one of the actors, see the torso and legs very visibly separated a few feet from the upper half of the body, and ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS PART OF THE ACT. If you want a better movie, make one yourself. Watch this movie only if you want a lesson on what mistakes not to make. Otherwise, spare yourself from this one.

Magical Mystery Tour (1967 TV Movie)

Not too bad

[6/10 · 9 January 2014]

Wasn't sure what to make of it at first. I was rather expecting a movie with a solid plot based on my viewing of "Help." What I got was a psychedelic, surreal hour of what, if you just sat back and relaxed, was a quite nice 'what the hell, let's just get drunk/high and have some f***ing fun!" movie. A bus full of people enjoying themselves immensely, going on silly excursions though the countryside, ranging from relay races to Nascar-like road chases to an evening band (Spoiler/warning: evening band contains stripper, not for kid viewing), and wrapping up with a formal "Your Mother Should Know." Once you peel back and stop letting yourself get confused with the bizarreness of the movie, you find yourself smiling and feel like you're having a good time along with the characters. The movie does include various Beatles songs ("Fool on the Hill," "I Am the Walrus", among others). So don't feel like you've been let down, just open your mind, prepare for silliness and fun, and this movie can be a good experience.