chakukan Reviews

Polar (I) (2019)

style no substance

[3/10 · 17 April 2020]

I had high hopes for this film as I am a Mads fan. He is his usual self giving his usual 100% like on all projects. Aesthetically this film is highly stylized which seems to be where the production value is concentrated. The cast other than Mads is one cartoonish character after another not on the screen long enough to have any impact other than ridicule. the plot is quite thin and other than that the film lacks meaty substance. This is NOT a great sub for John Wick, this is a bad dupe.

The Curse of Oak Island: Drilling Down (2015– )

too much recycling

[2/10 · 14 April 2020]

This show is absolutely brutal to watch out of all of these so called History reality type show. They have very little original content yet stretch it out by continuously repeating themselves at a nauseating rate. they recap their recaps and then recap before commercial breaks and then recap after the break. they also have the same animations they reference multiple times per episodes. The only way to watch this is to have your finger on the fast forward button and be ready to push at all time. its a Tedious waste of time.

Loaded (2008)

shockingly awful

[1/10 · 24 November 2017]

Sometimes I wish there were numbers lower the one to truly identify the tenacity of a terrible film. I really question how it got such a high mark of 4.7?? A higher tolerance to pain perhaps? I long for those things I could have done instead of such wasted time... Picking up dog poop in the park, cleaning a toilet, root canal, getting a head start on my taxes.... all entirely better than this film, sigh...

Def Comedy Jam 25 (2017 TV Special)

disappointing

[2/10 · 1 November 2017]

When I saw the stellar guest list I assumed this was a no fail. Some of the absolute top names in comedy attending. They each took the stage and introduced one another with the odd one liner and heaps of praise I figured they were going to at least introduce some new talents or hand out awards or show us the impact the show had on society or etc... Nope. Just introduction after another and no actual comedy. sad.

Holy Hell (2016)

Never gets off the ground

[4/10 · 31 October 2017]

This movie runs a bit long yet misses the investigative nature of documenting. No need to spend more than a few minutes on the ballet dancing, mascara wearing, self proclaimed leader... it's quite apparent to anyone that he is mentally ill. What drove these people to him? lack of self esteem, childhood issues, naivety or issues themselves?? this is never explored. With a title like Holy Hell one expects details of what the victims suffered, financial ruin or irrevocable harm, loss of family and friends... This is not explored either. What was the cost? its seem more of a vague stab in the dark at trying to tell a cautionary story but never quite getting off the ground. The ending is bizarre with a failed climax at a mild confrontation, are you being a good boy?? Strange considering allegations... I feel bad for people who easily fall pray to cults and scams but in the end one should know better! If it's too good to be true it probably is...

The Loch (2017)

disappointing...good acting but major plot holes!

[3/10 · 22 September 2017]

Warning, Major SPOILERS ahead!

This started off well enough and since I liked the lead actresses I thought why not ! The fault with this is not with the acting but with everything else. I found so many clichés and plot holes that it became a case of what else can they do wrong. ...a few issues... Pregnant woman who is faking a pregnancy somehow fools a doctor? at no point was she given a full exam? Modern medicine and the least amount of protocol care? Malpractice.

A teacher is having affairs with multiple students... and investigated for murder with no reprimands or leave from his job??

The police are trying to find a cell phone as evidence. No search of the emails or social media or cloud associated with said phone.

DNA tests come back rather quickly in this part of the world but identifying a license plate takes days???

When a body is finally pulled from the water, it is not disfigured or bloated.

While investigating a trailer looking for a victim or evidence, no gloves are used and no forensic testing, we never hear of this trailer again.

A man is wrongfully arrested but even when we find out who the real killer is said man is never heard from again.

The police is in pursuit of a suspect that is armed and dangerous, so they leave the station and bring a stick?? They don't want to spook the suspect so all their alarms are on??

None of these suspects have lawyers.

The motive behind leaving one kid in a coma is so that other kid can go to college, start over again. Why could he not do this other wise??

How is the Mother not charged with anything when keeping a kid (young Man) drugged in a coma for what might be years.

The hammer and knife are not tested for fingerprints??

I could go on.... Maybe 3 out of 10 is too generous!!!

Too Close to Home (2016–2017)

it grows on ya

[6/10 · 4 August 2017]

I decided to write an honest review since it seems so many folks are being unduly harsh! First off Tyler Perry: He comes from a rough background and has a huge heart. He doesn't start these projects because he needs the money, rather he enjoys it and always gives chances to newer actors. He has helped and supported many careers that help pay the bills of many families!! He treats his employees well and keeps them around for other projects too. Kudos to Tyler for taking a chance here and trying out some new talent. The story is human, and the cast is doing a great job. Watch a few episodes and it grows on you!! I'm sticking around to see where it goes... And Brock O'Hurn (Brody) is a sweetheart of a man who is always kind to his fans. Yes he's stunning but don't dis him for it! He's human, working and most definitely worth watching ;)

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

wish I could have given it a lower mark

[1/10 · 13 April 2016]

I really wish the grading system would allow negative marks for a movie like this because a 1 out of 10 seems really too generous of a grade. Charlize Theron usually is associated with great projects so I will forgive her this faux-pas as surely the blames lays elsewhere.

I get it though, Hollywood can not come up with anything original, and the Classic Mad Max has a huge cult following, so the attraction for a huge payout is the usual MO.

What I cannot comprehend is how a movie with such a huge budget can be so horribly boring?? There isn't much of a story not that I was expecting much but I was owed something much more coherent!! This plays a recycled theme but other than a huge chase around the desert only to get back to where they started, seemed weak and pointless. Couldn't they have killed the bad guy to begin with proved the point and saved our time??? the urgency want there, seemingly they had endless supplies of gas and ammo just no story. I want my money back!!!

End of the World (2013 TV Movie)

really good cheese

[7/10 · 29 March 2016]

When I saw this I really wasn't expecting much as it seemed cheesy. I'd surfed and settled for this on a rainy day. I giggled here and there and my initial reactions were disarmed. Admittedly i too enjoy a really good apocalyptic movie and I guess I would qualify as a nerd type. But this movie was actually pretty good, it doesn't take itself too seriously and it has some really funny bits and I enjoyed and got all the references to the movies they quoted. It was more of an homage really, and I actually recommend it for anyone . No big budget or fancy effects so they relied on wit and inventive dialogue! Cheese being cheese, This was really good cheese!!

San Andreas Quake (2015)

waste of time

[1/10 · 10 July 2015]

I generally try not be so negative, after all people worked on this film and they have families to support... I watched it by mistake thinking it was the other one!!! That said this movie fails on all counts! Good Grief!! The acting is just as bad as you think it could be even if Tara Reid isn't in it. The special effects are cheap and plentiful. There is hardly a story and no consideration towards character development which leads the viewer to not give a &%$ about said characters. The dialogue is corny and seemingly ad libbed which is okay for some people with talent but not here. Not One standout moment .... a huge build up to a major earthquake which we hardly get to see?? Lastly, way too many characters to keep track of. It was a giant waste of time and I wish there was a lower score than 1!!!