holdenmcgrohen Reviews

Expend4bles (2023)

Dull and tired

[5/10 · 30 September 2023]

I went to see this movie already having read all the not-so-positive reviews. I loved the previous Expendables movies, I still had faith in the creators of this series, and I genuinely wanted to be entertained by this 4th installment.

Unfortunately, now I can confirm that all the other reviews are right: this movie is not worth seeing, even for the die hard fans of the series or the actors involved. The previous Expendables films were quite silly and overt-the-top, but they had one unbeatable upside: they were just super fun. With Expendables 4, the authors somehow managed to take out all the fun, and all the we're left with is lazy and cliched plot, awful visual effects, and uninteresting characters.

This looks like an extremenly lazy attempt to cash in on a dying franchise.

Biohazard: Death Island (2023)

Fun in all the right ways

[8/10 · 17 August 2023]

This flick perfectly captures the spirit of the early Resident Evil games. It has just the right combination of fast-paced action, imaginative monsters, and a pinch of humor just to let you know that you are not supposed to take it too seriously.

The story might seem silly at times, and the villains might look a bit cartoonish, but it is all part of the fun. I can't pretend that it's a masterpiece of modern animation, but this movie knows what its audience wants and delivers just that: well-known charismatic characters kicking ass and destroying zombies and ridiculously huge monsters in various imaginative ways. IMO this is exactly what the live-action Resident Evil movies should have attempted to do. But I am glad that at least the animated movies managed to get it right.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)

Well this was so awkward to watch...

[5/10 · 24 June 2022]

I was truly hoping to see Disney develop the momentum they had with The Mandalorian, but instead they produced an awkward culmination of all the clichéd and worn ideas that we saw in the new trilogy and the movies that followed. Which is a real shame: the script has some truly clever, emotional and strong moments, but they all sink in the sea of silly unreasonable actions done by pretty much all of the characters with more than one minute of screen time. And this is not the kind of silliness that you see in the prequels, when you just chuckle past phrases like "I don't like sand" and still enjoy the likable characters and epic storytelling.

Watching "Obi-Wan Kenobi", you constantly find yourself face-palming. The scene where four grown men cannot capture an unarmed 10-year-old girl for 30 seconds is laughable (and they already had her surrounded at the beginning of the scene!). Darth Vader finds himself one step away from killing his nemesis Kenobi, but is stopped by some fire lighting up before him, and chooses to watch Kenobi flee rather than walk around the fire ten steps and finish him off. And when Obi-Wan is given a chance to finish off Vader, he does the exact same thing he did in Episode III: he just walks away. There is just too much stuff in this series that makes no sense whatsoever.

Additionally, all the main characters have constant personality swings as if they had a bipolar disorder. Obi-Wan goes from being a strong-spirited noble warrior in the prequels to an apathetic coward at the beginning of the series, to an unreasonable foolhardy guy by the end. He also changes from being extra cautious and hiding in the shadows in the first episode, to freely travelling across the galaxy just to give a kid her toy back. Reva cannot decide for the life of her whether she is good or bad, and changes her motivation constantly, completely dismissing what she though or said in the previous scene.

Most of the characters are cartoonishly good or evil. I know Star Wars in not supposed to be the most serious franchise in the world, but the phrase "You should have killed me when you had the chance" is a bit too much. It should have remained in the 90-s action movies where it belongs. And to see Darth Vader sitting in a castle built over a lava waterfall? It is puzzling why anyone in Disney would think this scene could cause anything but uncontrolled laughter from anyone over the age of 12.

That said, the series does have its strong moments, and most of the visual effects are spectacular. Which makes it all the more sad, seeing what a great show it could have been with some more decent writing.

Kung Fury (2015)

Short but awesome

[8/10 · 29 May 2015]

No review can fully describe the awesomeness of this movie so you should just go ahead and watch it as soon as possible. From beginning to end this is an enjoyable action-packed amazingly edited piece of cinematography that brings back the most memorable stuff of the movies we watched as children.

The silly plot, over-the-top acting, mind-blowing action scenes – it is all here and it looks even better thanks to the cool CGI scenes. The 30 minutes of Kung Fury make you want to go to the street and kick some butt just because it's fun.

Of course, this movie has its own flaws. Sometimes it goes too far in mocking itself. The commercial in the middle of the film is not funny and is just irritating; the writing seems too stupid at times and the several-minute animated piece feels alien. Another disappointing thing is the main villain. He acts goofy, gets very little screen time and doesn't really do much evil. However, none of this can really spoil the impression from awesome action sequences (which make about 80% of the movie) and the general atmosphere of Kung Fury.

David Sandberg did a great job bringing back the look and feel of the 80's. Watching Kung Fury feels like coming home after a long journey and finding everything just as you remember it. Thank you for this, David!

American Heist (2014)

100 minutes of my life down the drain

[2/10 · 13 February 2015]

This movie is just a waste of time, money and the efforts of anyone who took part in it.

Don't be fooled by the title: this movie is not about a heist. It's about two brothers whining about how their lives turned out. That's actually all that happens for the first hour of the movie. There's no action, no character or plot development. It seems like the script was written for a 40-minute action series episode (that wouldn't have been worth seeing anyway). But then the director decided to make it into a full-length movie by adding long pauses into every dialogue, and panoramic views of the city after every scene.

The most exciting information that we learn throughout the movie is the detailed description of how Browy's character was harassed in prison. There is nothing that any of the characters say or do that can make you care for them.

By the time the actual heist begins you just want to kill all the characters off in the most cruel way possible. And it seems like the director knows it and tries to satisfy your desire. Because what we see here is of the most poorly planned and pointless heists in the history of cinema. The attackers take off their masks for no reason, they plan no escape route, they stand in front of the glass doors so that everyone in the street can see the heist.

The stupidity of everything that happens on the screen is overwhelming. This movie doesn't deserve a single minute of your time. Avoid it at all costs!

Mortal Kombat: Legacy (2011–2013)

This is NOT Mortal Kombat

[6/10 · 6 October 2013]

Don't get me wrong - it's a well-made series, rather entertaining and enjoyable to watch. It would just be better off if wasn't a Mortal Kombat title.

Kevin Tancharoen got carried away and went too far from the MK universe in many ways. First thing that strikes your eye is the cast. They look and act so different from the characters in games, movies and earlier series that it's impossible to believe that you're actually looking at Sonya, Johnny Cage and the rest of the gang. In fact I think Legacy has the worst cast possible for an MK series (except for Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa - he's the best Shang Tsung ever!).

The other disappointing thing is the spirit of the series. For some reason Tancharoen laid emphasis on gore while MK has always focused on mystery and darkness, and the whole MK world would give you the chills. Gore has always been a secondary thing that just added to the whole dark spirit of the story.

Random stupid jokes don't help building the right spirit either (a drunk bum sees a man disappear and looks at his bottle of booze in astonishment? come on! this joke stopped being funny about 100 stupid movies ago!). They just make you miss Christopher Lambert's outstanding performance.

And the story itself got transformed beyond recognition. Why Tancharoen decided to make Liu Kang and Kung Lao best buddies instead of distant relatives is beyond my understanding. It's a great idea to shed light on the characters' backgrounds but the stories this series tells are just too far-fetched and unbelievable.

Of course all the above might concern you if you used to love the games or MK movies. Otherwise you're just about to watch an entertaining series that will give you a distant idea of what Mortal Kombat is all about.