This colossally weird film tells the story of a schizophrenic who hears voices telling him to kill, and goes on a journey to murder his own son, a young boy. It's not clear why he didn't do it immediately instead of going on a road trip, but very few things about this troubling mess are very clear at all. By the end, he hasn't received any kind of psychological help or attention, and there's little explanation as to what just happened. Some of the locations are pleasing; costumes are adequate and the sound design is interesting; however, at the end of the day this is utterly befuddling, lazy and moral-free filmmaking.
Reviews
5 Reviews
His Only Son
(2023)
Absolutely bizarre and disturbing story lacking artistry and resolution
27 December 2023
Staggeringly self-important Spielberg snorebore from space
14 December 2023
It takes talent to make a film this dull. It's a brave soul who thinks hideously overblown orchestral music is an apt replacement for a story arc, or that an obvious Kubrick fetish is enough for a film to be engaging in its own right. We all know Spielberg can tell a story; he'd proved it himself before this tosh with the excellent 'Jaws' and the more sparse, lean 'Duel'. But seeing a man ignoring his family while playing with his food, before some spaceships nicked from the set of 'Star Wars' flit around to a hugely tiresome score of swelling horns turns out to be an exceptionally vacuous experience. At the end of this film, I felt like I'd learnt nothing, seen nothing new, had any new insights whatsoever about humanity or aliens, or spent time in the company of any characters I cared about in the slightest. How much money did this film make? People are idiots.
Hold the Sunset
(2018–2019)
No, make the sunset happen faster.
25 February 2018
An atrocity and an abortion of a tossed-off snorefest.
It's like this was written by Alexa after a tin of Vimto was poured on her, and then directed by one of those hoovers that you switch on, go out and leave to bimble around at random.
Did anyone in the world laugh when this was broadcast? I mean, anyone whose brain isn't overrun with worms or dementia or syphilis and doesn't laugh involuntarily as a result?
Parts of my soul died watching this. I aged about five years but was gripped with a grim, prurient fascination at a mediocrity which almost assumed physical form, like a big, globby, pulsing wall down the centre of my room, and I couldn't turn it off. I longed for Leatherface to suddenly steam into the faceless, pointless neighbourhood where this staggeringly inconsequential dreck takes place, and fill the air with criss-crossing geriatric entrails.
It's like this was written by Alexa after a tin of Vimto was poured on her, and then directed by one of those hoovers that you switch on, go out and leave to bimble around at random.
Did anyone in the world laugh when this was broadcast? I mean, anyone whose brain isn't overrun with worms or dementia or syphilis and doesn't laugh involuntarily as a result?
Parts of my soul died watching this. I aged about five years but was gripped with a grim, prurient fascination at a mediocrity which almost assumed physical form, like a big, globby, pulsing wall down the centre of my room, and I couldn't turn it off. I longed for Leatherface to suddenly steam into the faceless, pointless neighbourhood where this staggeringly inconsequential dreck takes place, and fill the air with criss-crossing geriatric entrails.
Misconduct
(2016)
Tony & Al sell soul, destroy legacy
6 February 2016
What dark deals were struck to persuade two of the greatest screen actors of all time to appear in this stillborn nonsense? What dirt do they have on Messrs Hopkins & Pacino that they can be lured into this manure-filled paddock?
The script for "Misconduct" seems to have been pieced together from scraps of paper harvested from the bin of a ten-year-old struggling to produce a piece of creative writing homework. Someone should take this ten-year-old to one side and have a quiet word about the rudiments of drama; firstly, have a protagonist who we care about. Secondly, don't expect us to believe an intelligent lawyer would make the most catastrophic, rudimentary slip-ups when committing a crime; thirdly, have the story make even a little bit of sense, without plot holes big enough for the orbit of Halley's comet.
Special mention must go to Alice Eve, an actress so monumentally bad that in a just world she would be laughed out of the room if she auditioned for the part of the back end of the donkey in her local comprehensive school's nativity play. She seems to think that what's required for this role is to approximate one of those kittens you see on Youtube falling asleep in its food bowl.
Only go to see "Misconduct" if you're atoning for sins committed in a previous life.
The script for "Misconduct" seems to have been pieced together from scraps of paper harvested from the bin of a ten-year-old struggling to produce a piece of creative writing homework. Someone should take this ten-year-old to one side and have a quiet word about the rudiments of drama; firstly, have a protagonist who we care about. Secondly, don't expect us to believe an intelligent lawyer would make the most catastrophic, rudimentary slip-ups when committing a crime; thirdly, have the story make even a little bit of sense, without plot holes big enough for the orbit of Halley's comet.
Special mention must go to Alice Eve, an actress so monumentally bad that in a just world she would be laughed out of the room if she auditioned for the part of the back end of the donkey in her local comprehensive school's nativity play. She seems to think that what's required for this role is to approximate one of those kittens you see on Youtube falling asleep in its food bowl.
Only go to see "Misconduct" if you're atoning for sins committed in a previous life.
Graffiti Bridge
(1990)
Oh dear.
15 September 2004
This is a hideously, embarrassingly bad film. Prince spends much of it sliming about attempting to look enticing, wearing a truly disgusting beard and what looks like some kind of toddler's romper suit which gives him the appearance of just having arrived from a special needs pageant. Finding a spider in your bed would be sexier.
As for the story, what story? This was an extended pop video for some shockingly bad music made by someone whose talent seems to have melted away faster than the polar ice caps. The sets looked fake; the spiritual aspect of the babble spouted by the characters was utterly ridiculous and the in-jokes and the feel of vanity on show was suffocating.
I watched until the end, yes, but I enjoy car crashes.
As for the story, what story? This was an extended pop video for some shockingly bad music made by someone whose talent seems to have melted away faster than the polar ice caps. The sets looked fake; the spiritual aspect of the babble spouted by the characters was utterly ridiculous and the in-jokes and the feel of vanity on show was suffocating.
I watched until the end, yes, but I enjoy car crashes.
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