the_seal Reviews

Big Head Monster (2001)

Surely an Asian cinema horror classic

[7/10 · 14 April 2005]

Whilst not the scariest movie ever there are moments when even the most die-hard horror fan will be moved out of their seat.

The movie moved at a steady pace and stuck to the well crafted story, as seems to be staple with these movies. And while 'Horror Hotline... Big Head Monster' might sound like more of a humorous, or that the translator might have had a late night before naming this one DO NOT let that dissuade you.

The ending gave way to a very deja-vu Blair Witch feeling but not so much as to overpower the movie or even make it much more than a minute observation - If you can tear your mind away from the action.

Truly a great movie in its genre up, even if far from the greatest - Up there with so many of the great Asian horror masterpieces.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'd buy that for a dollar

[9 September 2004]

We all know the story from the previews already? A quick recap: Good vs. Evil, Big business Vs. Little guy and so on. It's an over-used plot line in movies and an excuse for Ben Stiller ( as the somewhat strange White Goodman, owner of the high tech Globo gym ) to make some one liners and do a bit of slapstick with on screen cohort Vince Vaughn ( as Peter La Fleur , the lax owner and friend of the locals at Average Joe's gym, conveniently located right across the street from Globo ). Vaughn's character needs $50K in 30 days to stop Goodman from acquiring his gym and they enter a dodgeball tournament.

With the pre-amble out of the way I honestly enjoyed this movie, had me chuckling right along at the gross-out jokes and the obvious humor which is Stiller's forte and Vaughn's lovable lackluster character and well delivered one liners. Stiller's wife, Christine Taylor is the leading female unless you count Missi Pyle's incredibly large and scary 'other side of the Iron Curtain steroid type' woman who could certainly take the lead if she wanted it!

The best on screen has to go to the psychotic Patches O'Houlihan, Rip Torn and there are some great cameo's including Hank Azaria, William Shatner and even David Hasselhoff having a laugh at himself. Chuck Norris also pokes his nose in, as does Tour De France legend Lance Armstrong – who should stick to riding and leave acting to the pros. Finally a mention for Jason Bateman as Pepper Brooks, the Gen-X, extreme sports type commentator his delivery and performance is perfect.

Other support cast like Steve the Pirate, ably played by Alan Trudyk and Justin, Justin Long, with his horrible flashback to the cheer-leading incident keeps this movie rolling along. Many memorable moments and good laughs here, plus a bit of a surprise for the romantic side-plot, especially to the parents of the five year olds in the cinema.

7.5/10

*TIP* Hang round for the entire credits!

The Village (2004)

Stinking heap of love story masquerading as a horror movie

[1 September 2004]

Who hasn't seen the ads for this new horror movie getting flashed around the TV? The ads looked pretty good; the trailer was cool and the movie...

I: Let the bad colour not be seen. It attracts them.

II: Never enter the woods. That is where they wait.

III: Heed the warning bell, for they are coming.

Well it was completely in the wrong category; here we have a love story that just happens to have a few scary moments, very few in fact. Although if they had advertised it as a love story I'm seriously doubting many would have wasted money to see it. The plot falls in a hole sometime around the start, finds some traction later on but fails to ever really fire.

Joaquin Phoenix is a great actor but the script is well below his abilities and does him no credit at all â€' Why can't I take my eyes of those funky pants he has!? Bryce Dallas Howard manages the worst performance of a blind person I have seen since my, then nine year old, brother pretended he was blind. Sigourney Weaver failed to do anything but add credence to the fact that she has had her time and the mantle needs to be passed, someone put her out to pasture please.

The only stand out actor in it all was Adrien Body, who I can only recall from The Thin Red Line, although he has an extensive list of acting credits to his name â€' His performance was great and while watching this drivel, he was the only believable character in the entire film.

Save your money and catch it on television in a couple of years, you won't regret it.