gmerin Reviews

Dark Metropolis (2010)

What's English for Worse Than Manure With Less Usefulness?

[1/10 · 30 January 2011]

This was released as The Next Race a few months earlier. Even after adding about 5 minutes of stock news footage at the beginning it is just as bad, so here is my review of The Next Race as it applies equally well to this drecht.

Was this bad. The English language fails in that there is no word or combination of words that sufficiently expresses just how bad this garbage is. If it was flushed down the toilet the bacteria that normally processes waste matter would refuse to touch this movie.

a few months later the producers decided the editing was at fault, so they re-edited this, making no improvements at all, and re-released it in 2010 as The Dark Metropolis.

Upon flushing this down the toilet the same bacteria that refused to process it in its earlier incarnation, upon realizing it was in fact the same garbage with a different name, committed suicide.

if only the producers would take bacteria's hint.

Pulse (2001)

How much were you paid to give this a good review?

[1/10 · 24 June 2006]

The entire premise of the story makes no logical sense. Some horror movies have scary plots; some have scary special effects, Kairo has neither. The only suspense in this movie is about knowing when it will end. Kairo has hype, the director's name, and red tape. I've seen South Park cartoons which have more internal consistency and more horror than this. In the Extras the director comments that he "doesn't put too much thought into it", and that's painfully obvious watching the film. I predict the American version due out this summer will make hundreds of millions, but not because of the story's quality: viewers will be embarrassed to admit they paid to see this crap, and will tell everyone else to see it.

Decadent Evil (2005 Video)

The "Making of" section is better than the movie.

[3/10 · 26 March 2006]

According to the commentary this movie was filmed in 6 days, and it is evident that six days was 5 days too long. Its rare for the sex and nudity in a B movie to not lower the overall quality of the film, but even this was of below average quality (I used to think there was no such thing as "bad" sex and "bad" nudity, but this movie proved me wrong on both issues). I was surprised that the entire cast and production crew was listed using their actual names; I fully expected to see that "Alan Smithee" was responsible for every role. I finally found a movie that makes SuperTwink (Howard Stern's Wack Pack production)entertaining. If you do watch this movie, be sure to stay for the commentary as it is better acted, better produced, and has a superior plot than the movie itself.