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Reviews
The 100 (2014)
A thousand logic failures and teen angst!
Look through the reviews... look through them. You have so many reviews with lists of severe logical failures - more than I have ever seen and on the other hand you have long, professionally written reviews with ten stars. Which are the paid-for reviews? No, this horribly written, terribly plotted pile of juvenile junk cannot be watched without screaming at the screen. I certainly did I must've screamed... 'Are you kidding me?!!' at least a hundred times. There are so many logical failures that I could write several lists myself but let me concentrate on the premise.
First I have to hit this one... the first scene you'll see in this abortion: A doctor is about to be killed for some minor offense. Seriously, the doctor working on the President is about to be killed by the 'Chancellor'. Already my mind is doing backflips about how stupid this is! A doctor?!!! The President's doctor?!! Okay, the President awakens to stop it but does he shove the Chancellor into the escape hatch and push the button? Does he demote him to janitor or put him in jail? No? The villain remains Chancellor!! Crazy! Later on the President practically commits suicide in order to hand the command over to this evil moron! WOW! Premise: So now we're at the really stupid part... the whole premise.... oh GOD this is STUPID! This should be an IQ test. Tell someone the premise and see if he immediately sees the mistake.
Life support is failing and we need to find out if the Earth is still habitable. Sighhh.... send 100 teenagers to the surface to check it out. Teens are wearing life bracelets so the station knows if they're alive or not. NOTHING else is sent with them.
A) Communication. The most important thing here is what? INFORMATION! And YET, they are sent with no radios, nothing at all to communicate back with the ship. In the severely unlikely event that the ship can only take in a binary 'bracelet on/off' signal then that can be used to send information using old-fashioned Morse code. Programming a computer to send and receive the binary signal would allow texting back and forth. No form of communication is ever established or hinted at despite the fact that communication is absolutely the primary, most important part of this whole situation.
B) Command structure. Without a command structure the whole group will break down into warring mobs decimating the group's efficiency and jeopardizing everyone's survival. Giving one person 'the con' so to speak and making two others his 2nd and 3rd in command will provide the command structure necessary to keep order and get things done.
C) Supplies. You're sending down a research team.... with no communications or command structure or even... supplies? Let's say the Earth isn't 100% hospitable but livable in some barely survivable way. Your landing team won't have the supplies to survive long enough to establish or keep a base until the next wave shows up. Crazy! D) Amnesty. "Hey guys, if you survive... amnesty!" Give them a reason to try to survive and to work with you! Duh! E) In a survival situation you simply do NOT put women of breedable age in danger and you certainly would not kill them. The landing team would be all male but that wouldn't be much fun would it? Solution: DIFFERENT PREMISE! 'They thought the teens were going to die!'... well then just kill them if you don't want to even try to make this work. If, however, you're actually trying to find out if the planet is survivable... you need to set up communications, command structure and supplies... AT THE VERY LEAST. Seriously, anyone with an IQ in the mid double digits would know this.
To me, this show looks like someone just pulled a premise out of his buttocks in order to find an excuse to throw a lot of teenagers together in a survival situation. It might have taken a mediocre writer maybe an afternoon to come up with a better, more logical premise but then.... they'd have to care that the premise was actually logical.
The (206) (2013)
Please get some writers!
Almost Live was not only a funny Seattle show, it was funny on a national level easily equal to or superior to Saturday Night Live at the time.
The (206) is simply not Almost Live. We love Pat Cashman. We love John Keister. We want them to succeed. Problem is.... this honestly is just awful. The comic timing is completely off, the jokes are terrible and not even remotely clever. The most mediocre comedian would shake his head in sadness watching the skits and monologues. One of the rules of comedy is to find the joke behind a situation, discard it immediately and then look a little harder for the more clever joke that surprises the audience and hits the funny bone. The (206) ALWAYS goes for the first, obvious, mediocre joke.
One example of the obvious joke: "People say that Dori Manson is a girl's name. That's ridiculous! Manson is a guys' name. See, 'Man' is in the name." REALLY? That's a joke? If a 3rd grader was trying to use this to joke with his parents I might pet his head condescendingly... but professional comedians?! If one of these slipped through... okay... a moan once in awhile is understandable but MOST of the jokes are just that weak! I really want Pat Cashman and John Keister to stay on the air. I want good, topical Seattle humor. Please, please hire more/better writers and bring some of your old cast back.
Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)
Sexy B-Movie with no action or budget.. for kids!
My experience with this horrible waste of celluloid was bringing my 3, 6 and 9 year old, all Power Ranger fans, to this stinker. Although enraptured by the first movie, none of them could sit still for this one and ended up rolling in the aisles rather than watching it. This movie does everything wrong:... Talking vs Action: The worst thing you can do with a movie is to put in too much dialogue and this has WAY too much in spades - ESPECIALLY for a child's movie! Most of the movie is nothing more than actors walking around sets explaining plot details with absolutely no action until 50 minutes into the movie! 50 minutes of talking and explanation in a child's movie?!?! Really? Who wrote this?! Not only that, the Power Rangers don't actually get involved in any action until 1 hour and 10 minutes into the film!!.... Sex over Budget: It's a common B-Movie mantra that when you don't have money for location shoots, special effects or name actors - let loose the cheesecake! I can understand following this maxim in a slasher flick or teen comedy but a child's movie?! The main 'villainess' is clad in full dominatrix gear showing plenty of ample cleavage, thighs, legs and even her navel as the costume has a line going down her stomach. Much of the movie she poses and mugs at the camera while giving commands - fine for a regular B-Movie... but Power Rangers?! There are numerous close-ups and elevator shots of the female cast members including an elevator-to close up shot of the blond power ranger ending at her bust and another fade-in to close-up of Kimberly's butt as she lays face down on the island. My nine year old actually made a comment that Kim's butt was basically the whole screen. I'm no prude but WHO is this movie written for? What does this make up for? No action and an ending where the Power Rangers fight a guy in a rubber suit!? Summary: This is the perfect example of a movie put together by a director who had absolutely no idea what he was doing. This is bad as a kid's movie and bad as an adult movie - it's just plain bad!
Bones (2005)
Stupidly unrealistic - nearly fairy tale level fantasy!
Okay, it's good to see Boreanaz again - I loved Angel.
Here's the problem:
If you're trying to create a modern-day crime drama you need to establish a sense of adult realism combined with a realistic development of human relationships.
1) Use the real tools of the trade and explain real limitations. 2) Demonstrate professional adult relationships with perhaps a dash of office politics in the department. 3) Solve the case using REAL science. Be clever and research your subject. Keep experts on the set who might correct you if you step over the line.
This drama has NONE of that! A science-fiction hologram machine creating details that are impossible to deduce. Impossible to reach conclusions such as the precise type of knife used in a murder or the weight of a hammer used to kill someone. Add to this mix; comic-book, 2-Dimensional, cardboard relationships with contrived antagonisms apparently shared by everyone for everyone. Boreanaz's behaviors are more reminiscent of a 40's Dick Tracy than a modern day criminalist and displays a contempt for scientists that is just absurd.
If this show continues it would HAVE to change into something like X-Files. The show has absolutely ZERO credibility and has severed any connection to the real world so it needs to move on to a science-fiction/fantasy world.
Either that or continue to assume that its audience is a group of drooling morons who really believe all this crap is possible.
There will be those who jump to their feet screaming "It's JUST a TV program - it doesn't have to be realistic." These are JUST apologists for the lazy. It's EASY to fake it and hope your audience is too stupid to catch it. It's HARD to actually do the work and research your subject. "Can you figger out what kind of knife was used to stab a victim?" "I dunno, who cares, we got Boreanaz so just stick it in there."
Sorceress II: The Temptress (1997)
Perfect example of how NOT to make a movie!
This is probably one of the worst movies ever made. Eliminate the scenes with the girls and it is far and away the WORST movie ever to crawl out of a camera.
Now this is a MUST see for film students on how NOT to make a movie.
1) Watch the dialogue. This movie has enough dialogue for four movies and it is thoroughly unnecessary. Movies are about MOVEment, action, pretty pics and scenes - dialogue is only necessary to set up the action. Take this movie's script and cut out 75% of the dialogue.
2) You paid for hot chicks... USE THEM! Find a way to advance the plot while the girls are putting suntan lotion on each other or helping get each other ready. Having characters just stand around jaw-jacking is inexcusably stupid.
3) PAY for an actor! I don't know where they got this guy but he was NO actor! Even a dumb, campy movie can be sunk with poor acting and seeing as the majority of the action seems to come from this dweeb - why would you hire a non-actor?
4) Realism is important. In one scene, Julie Smith does an incredible strip tease in front of El Dorko ending up on his bed with her legs up. He rolls his eyes and says "Maybe some other time." My wife and I couldn't stop laughing - it was probably one of the dumbest things we'd ever heard!
5) Now this is important: Make the box FIRST then look at it and think. Hmmmm... people want to watch a movie like we have on the box - let's do THAT one!
Seriously - I have no clue how the producer managed to pay for Julie Smith, Julie Strain and yet had no money for a script or male actor.