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Reviews
Gangster Exchange (2010)
Absolutely terrible movie that everyone sholuld see.
I expected to see many more negative reviews about this movie since the average cinephile is dead serious and can't enjoy things for what they are - in this case, stupid fun. So I was pretty relieved to see that other people agreed with me: this movie is not good at all and it's great. Thanks to everyone over the age of 9 having access to non-linear editing software, anyone can make a zero budget action film. Gone are the no-budget indies that were all slice of life and dramedy, enter the "fog machine and CGI helicopter" era of indie filmmaking. For the most part, the vast majority of these movies are garbage. Not "so bad it's good" bad, just bad. But every once in a while we strike bad movie comedy gold like Gangster Exchange. A movie that is bad with the extra-added perk of being funny as hell.
Battleship Potemkin, this movie is not. The pace of this movie is sure to turn a lot of people off. It never gets chaotic, it doesn't slow down for the dramatic bits. It just feels like "here's a scene. Here's another scene. This is also a scene." It's quite unimpressive. But it's also the perfect flow for a movie you're not planning on taking seriously from the getgo. It almost pleads with you to drink along with the characters. See, if it were all comedy, the movie would feel dreadful. And if it were all airsoft props and CG muzzle flash, the movie would feel dreadful. However, due to the irregular editing style, it's impossible to expect what kind of scene you're going into next, which I found refreshing. Couple that kind of amateurism with a set of ancillary characters whose only purpose are to liven the picture up and you can't help but laugh.
The story is out of a can, the antagonists can't act their way out of a high school rendition of Grease, there's bad techno playing throughout the entire film and the hero is carrying a toilet around for an hour of screen time. The ending is predictable and satisfying, the obligatory party scene is loud and stupid, and the lead is attractive and likable. That's really it. So why'd I give it an 8? Because I can. Sorry, snobs.
Max Payne (2008)
Even if you never played the game, this movie is trash.
I'd like to try being unbiased about this movie but I'm not sure how possible that can be what with my being a huge fan of the video game series. But I'm pretty sure I'd hate this movie even if it weren't based on anything. See, Sam Lake is a good writer. Max Payne, the game, feels like film-noir as told by John Woo. It's satire, making fun of movies and games while also being a very enjoyable experience. The movie version, 7 years later, is... just not. The story is relatively similar despite lots of character, setting, theme, and continuity changes - which is fine because this is best viewed as a "version" of Max Payne - but it lacks the number one reason anyone should care about the IP: action-packed violence. This movie has none. That's bad when the only thing going for the movie is "this is an action movie and people like action movies." For the first third of the movie, nothing happens. People talk, Mark Wahlberg (who admitted to having not played the game) snarls, junkies have visions of giant bird shadows, repeat. When action DOES show up, it's gone in a blink. No fight choreography, no suspense, no wise-cracking gun-toting NYPD lunatic going ape on people, nothing. If you like quiet "action" movies with muted colors and sounds, focusing on setting and mood, you're most likely gonna pass on this anyway for something a little more art-house like The Limits of Control or The American. I wish I could say more about the acting but Wahlberg faxed it in, Ludicrous showed up to collect his paycheck, Mila Kunis just played an angrier version of her character from That 70's Show (not that I mind, she's the best thing about this movie), and why was Robin, The Boy Wonder in this movie again? As for the direction, I don't want to spoil anything for people who are intending on watching this, presumably with friends and liquor, but you can MST3K this whole flick. Here's an example tidbit that doesn't ruin the plot: Max leads a lovely lass to his humble abode to grill info out of her but she wishes to seduce him instead. You see her taking off her top as she slinks into the bedroom and Max follows her. He looks at her and promptly looks away in disgust, as if to convey that he's appalled by her slutty behavior. The camera cuts to the lovely lass who is still wearing her panties but has concealed herself under part of his blanket. He reacts by telling her to "get out. Get your sh*t and get out." She then leaves and he makes coffee while wearing his holsters. Wait. Why bring her back to your house in the first place? Why so sensitive and didn't you (a) notice she was on you in the club/(b) expect that to happen when you brought a girl you don't know from a party back to your place? Are you sure you're a cop? It's that, more of that, the hilariously over-acted Lupino scenes (yes, even during his introduction where he has NO LINES), and the fact that all the blood was added digitally in post that makes you wish you were watching Mean Guns instead. At least that movie had Christopher Lambert. However, the main offender is that, in a franchise famous for bringing 'bullet time' to video games, there's one no-buildup filler shootout later in the movie that uses this gimmick very poorly. Movies have emulated Max Payne's abuse of this feature and now the movie based on MP barely uses it once. If you've seen that slo-mo bit in the trailer where Max is leaping with a manila folder, you've actually seen the whole movie.
Highlander: The Source (2007)
Derp: The Movie
You shouldn't be expecting cinematic greatness from a movie called Highlander: The Source. But for those who enjoy watching exceedingly bad movies, this movie is up there with Druids and Two If By Sea. I've seen better editing and special effects from community college drop-outs studying media communication or for local car dealership commercials. Trust me, here in Portland, we got some funny car commercials. Everything is poorly green-screened, the music sounds like a public domain CD meant to be played while LARPers gallivant, the camera is always close enough to see inside everyone's nostrils, there's a blur effect on everything from unnecessary backflips to... actually, this movie is nothing but unnecessary backflips. Everyone in this production is English so there's loads of bad teeth and people talking about "the sauce." However, this movie DOES feature Adrian Paul's best acting since he was a mummy on Charmed. If you like driz hollering and getting wasted with friends, watching horrid movies, this belongs in your collection.
The Green Hornet (2011)
OK for nostalgia, great for a modern retake.
I was expecting The Green Hornet to be good but I just saw an advanced screening (as a fan of straight-up action movies) with my mom (a long-time fan of the original series) and we were both pleasantly surprised by just how good. The set-up plays out like any other hero movie. After you're introduced to the protagonists, the movie spends some time telling you about their personalities first. Then you get a motive to go out and stir things up, access to gadgets, and very little to lose. Voila, a superhero/kinda-supervillian team is born.
There aren't many twists and shockers in the movie aside from how creative some people die (it was a LOT more violent than I was expecting) but that's OK because the reason you should be watching this is see new life in an old and beloved series. Rogen does Britt a service by acting more playboy than man-of-action and his acerbic wit plays real well when used as a device to show how arrogant his character is, Waltz sidesteps out of being typecast as a villain by bringing some subtle but hilarious comic relief in the form of a bad guy going through a mid-life crisis, and Jay Chou's Kato is... well, I'm certainly glad Stephen Chow dropped out of the production because, quite frankly, he would've made Bruce Lee fans seriously angry with his slap-shtick and Chou killed it.
The older sect who grew up with TGH might find it pretty different but the characters and major plot points such as who knows the identity of the Hornet and Kato's sidekick vs. partner debate are treated with respect. If you're a fan of the series, well, that's like saying if you liked Adam West's Batman, you'll love Bale's. Not necessarily an easy recommendation to make. However, if you like your action with a side of comedy, enough energy to make 2 hours fly by like 30 minutes, and just the riiiight amount of preachy without hammering you over the skull with a message, you should definitely check this one out. Movies like this and The A-Team really give me hope that FUN is returning to the world of cinema.