sebastian_goofy Reviews

The Courier (2019)

Hands down the worst movie I've ever watched

[1/10 · 1 July 2023]

The acting is awful. Every fight is unbelievable. The filming is uninspired and some scenes are recycled over and over. The story could have been written by Google Bard and it might have been better that way.

This flick is full of plot holes, logical mistakes and tropes - especially the one where the only goal the bad guys have is to kill someone, yet every time they have the opportunity they chose to not do it. Every single time. They wait, they talk, they get distracted. The worst part is that Gary Oldman is playing the super villain and there is absolutely no reason for his existence. The movie might have been better without that role. What's with that listening to music? And what's up with the only longer lines his daughter has in that movie? It's all totally random.

Interstellar (2014)

Pseudo-scientific NeoCon bullshit

[2/10 · 10 November 2014]

This movie is plain bad. It's a piece of pseudo-scientific neo-conservative pseudo-religious ideology disguised as science fiction.

Why?

Let me take one scene that surely is no big spoiler, but that explains pretty much everything of that movie:

The daughter (and her friend) need to return to the family home where her brother lives, due to.. no, not science, due to some supernatural inspiration, let us coin that a little bit more clear: faith (in "god"). Let's refer to the daughter and her friend henceforth as "the elite", because that's what they represent. Likewise, let's refer to the brother and his family as the "sheeple", because they represent those: uneducated, inflexible, conservative - although they're uneducated because the "administration" wants them to be that way (incidentally, this is what we actually *can* expect in the very near future, so maybe that's the predictive part of the sci-fi).

Since they just dismissed the brother and his family's way of life as morally inferior, they're not really welcome anymore.

So what is the smart way to handle this? Ask for forgiveness, maybe refer to "family values"? No, we're talking about the morally superior elite here! Of course they attack the place by putting fire to their crops. So, the brother is distracted and goes to the rescue putting his life at risk (but what a small expense is that compared to the possible success of the elite!). Anyway, now the daughter is in the house and receives a message - no, not from science - from, well, let's put it as what it is: from god. Well, it's her brother, in fact, it's her, so no matter, basically man is god. Not really Christian canon, nor that of any other religion (except Scientology, if I remember correctly).

We now see: the elite is represented by the "chosen one". And since also the sheeple understand that all is forgiven, the brother who just returns from risking his life due to the great ideas of the elite (and frankly, pretty much without need, for as what she does then is actually stop him from killing them by referring to family bounds, which she could have done the very first moment) accepts the "truth", which is: the elite may do what they want, including risking the lives of the sheeple if it's "imperative", because they (the elite) know "the truth" and are morally superior. They are the side of the "chosen one". The sheeple are to trust, or better believe, and follow. Into death as needs be.

See, this is what this movie is about. It's not about science. Everything that is science in here is just a disguise to "prove" that man is god. It's also not optimistic, because what we see is a dystopian future.

The basic message of the whole movie is: Restriction is not needed. Ecology is used to oppress the people (the ominous "administration" who doesn't want to have people educated!). We can spend all the resources we want, because at some point in the future there will be a chosen one to save us. Not science! A chosen one, from the elite.

Oh, and while we're at it: it's interesting to see that although obviously the planet went down the gutter due to some ecological catastrophe, all the people still are driving gas guzzlers. The only explanation why this is still allowed by the "oppressive administration" must then be that burning fuel was not what triggered the catastrophe.. think about it.

I know, most people won't realize the hidden messages in this movie. Not actively, that is. But they'll *get the point* ("John Carpenter's They Live", anyone?). They are undeniably there.

The whole rest of the movie is - simply an action movie. Unluckily not even a good one. The graphics effects may be physically accurate, but they look like a HOM - a texture glitch in a computer game (do game engines send us messages by this?).

At least the handiwork is well done, so it's 2 stars out of ten.

Elysium (I) (2013)

Shaky-Cam beware

[3/10 · 14 August 2013]

This is so far the culmination of a disappointing movie summer. The plot is so simple, it could fit into a three-panel comic. Fair deal for an action movie, but since the director stated in interviews he wanted to draw some attention to social and ecological problems this has to be said. It's simplicity maybe even leads to wrong and maybe dangerous deductions for the real world - as I realized when talking to friends after the movies. Apart from that the characters are incredibly flat. The inhabitants of Elysium differ by.. speaking french instead of Spanish as a second tongue besides English? Come on. OK, I forgot they're more healthy. As for the action movie, it pretends to be full of action by overly excessive (yes, that's a tautology) use of shaky cam - and granted, action is plenty, but unfortunately I can't see it because of the shaky cam blurring everything. Last but not least it lacks even in pseudo-realism.

That being said - the acting is not that bad. And it's probably better than a Halo movie.

Gina Wild - Jetzt wird es schmutzig 6: Im Rausch des Orgasmus (2001 Video)

One of the best porn movies of all time

[9/10 · 24 July 2010]

So, considering this is porn: there will be no real story. However, there is a slight story background. And surprisingly it's full of irony- something you don't see often in the "real film world" and even less in the porn world (though I, of course, don't have nearly enough of them consumed to get just a proper overview of the matter). If I were to compare it to any other movie: it'd be Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Not because it's that funny, or any story related stuff. It's just the counterpart from real films, I'd say. Anyway, back on topic: Michaela Schaffrath aka Gina Wild delivers an outstanding performance. As an actor, not as a porn actor. When you see her here you could imagine she really enjoys it- and she does it because she enjoys it, not because she wants to be degraded or such. This is what really makes that porn film exceptional: it's in parts funny due to the ironic touch, it's likable, mostly due to Gina Wild's acting and it delivers pleasing scenes and images. Since I haven't seen yet better, this is the best porn movie I know. So far.

Babylon A.D. (2008)

Great shots- bad cut

[7/10 · 19 September 2008]

First off I want to emphasize: the cut is bad. With bad I mean really bad. Like Léon the professional in the theater cut. Sometimes you just feel there's an irk about the story, there are parts missing, scenes being not linked together in any way. Then, being in Germany, I suspected it being cut for violence- but being rated 17+ (german rating) didn't fit that theory, as well as violent shots didn't seem to be cut. Then I realized- there are two sorts of cuts in the movie. Standard cuts which are great, in-scene cuts. Then there are the bad ones- shortening scenes, taking scenes out. First I didn't notice but the more the movie went on the more it became obvious. This is what I first said to my friends when the credits started: It's been cut. Poorly by that. Now that I checked IMDb I know for sure.

Now the good news: The movie itself is amazing. It has great fresh, some not so fresh but splendidly realized, ideas. It has awesome visuals. It even has quite well done acting. The story.. well, this is marked no spoilers. Apart from this I really couldn't say much about the story- it didn't make sense. There where whole parts of it missing (according to IMDb trivia: almost 60 minutes (one hour!) in Europe, even more in the states.

If this ever comes out as a director cut- I'll buy the DVD, it'll be a milestone at least in regards to the visuals. Until then you can go see it in a theater just to get the idea. It's like a 100-minute trailer.

Ben X (2007)

Superb acting, interesting story yet with an irk

[7/10 · 15 August 2008]

I saw this movie at an open air cinema this summer. Never having heard anything of it and having expected another movie I almost skipped it but was talked into giving it a shot. The story started off great, the acting was awesome from the beginning and got ever more convincing, the idea behind the movie is fascinating as well as the story itself is touching. Photography is solid with some nice shots.

-Spoiler below-

However, I was disappointed by the end- not because it was poorly done (it wasn't and it's even important for the over-all perception of the story), but it delivered the feel of a forced happy end - maybe it'd been better to simply stop the movie at a certain point, sacrificing the last bit of the story yet not giving this feeling that everything ended oh so well. I don't say this movie needs a non-happy ending, I only say I felt like it was forced happily. This movie should leave you thinking about yourself and how you deal with people, but this ending gives enough relief to go home and keep the thinking for later (never) without having you sleep badly.

Sky Fighters (2005)

No big story but big shots

[7/10 · 13 October 2006]

The movie is somewhat disappointing at first sight: The story is kinda lame, the actors are quite OK, and it's boring from time to time. Some intermission shots seem clearly constructed, like they needed some human acting in there.

But then you see the shots taken in flight, the planes, the sky- it's simply amazing. I've never seen a movie that features flight to that degree. Well, I've seen quite some movies featuring airplanes (flying, that is- not Airforce One or such), but that movie is different. Forget the story, forget the actors- there is only one thing important in here, it's the beauty of flying. It's not even the planes itself, it could be almost any other aircraft. Some shots are simply beautiful, some are amazing, some are interesting, and some make you lean back in your chair, stunned, willing to make your PPL next week.

Flying is beautiful. This movie shows it. However, if you can't stand flying or understand the fun in it it's not worth viewing. But if you like movies like this, watch it.

By the way, it's from time to time almost the same as watching those Mountainbike vids that you can run as a background on your PC. Nice shots with nice action to look at and you can watch it all day long.

I gave it 8 points, 2 for the flying, 4 for the camera and the idea, another 2 for the not too bad acting. No, seriously- it's 8 points mostly to the camera and the idea behind the flight shots. It could be 10 without any acting in between, but then it wouldn't have been a movie for the regular cinema anymore.

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Just a poor movie- regardless of the story

[1/10 · 25 November 2004]

Finally I've seen that movie.. And I wonder why I wasted my time. It is an awful piece out of the arts of films. You get poor directing, mediocre (at its best) acting, and the photographer would fit into any commercial producing company- for cat food or something similar. Was there a main actor? I didn't see anyone acting, just a bunch of red flesh and blood. There might have been good actors, but every time a scene came up that could have used some acting it was all beaten down with slow-mo. Like catfood falling into the dish, whoa, the message of the film has been delivered. Don't miss it tumbling out of the can into the nap. The idea to use the original (as far as we know) languages is worth 1 point. I would have given another point for the story, but there is no one who could take the credit for.

OK, now I said a lot of bad things about that movie. I have to admit, it's a tough story- hard to film. Most people know it, and most people have already had THEIR version of it in their head. But I don't complain about the interpretation- I complain about it being a poorly made movie.

Bait (2000)

Popcorn movie at its best

[6/10 · 23 November 2004]

Now, some people say this is just your standard genuine popcorn movie- and they're right. There is no big surprise, no overly brilliant acting, no twisted story, no well known producer (you all know who I'm talking about..)..

But it's a very well made, nice to see movie. Acting is good. Or better, it's like it should be in any movie. Photography seems sometimes a little bit careless, but it's OK- it does the trick. Directing is well done.

To get to this conclusion, I compared that flick to Last Boy Scout, because it's basically almost the same background. And I have to say: while LBS is supported by the acting of Bruce Willis, this movie is founded on the acting of each actor. They all do well, the evil guy is convincingly evil (flat character maybe, but hey- it's a popcorn flick, don't forget!), the effects are pleasing, the story is neat, and the director does his best to put all of this on the screen so you can enjoy the picture.

What do you want more? A bag of popcorn.

Tokyo Eyes (1998)

Great expression of the "Techno-Culture"

[7/10 · 1 February 2004]

This movie is of course about a killer. A killer that misses his target by intention. But this movie is beyond this plot something else: It is the movie that is the best expression of the "Techno-Culture" (the style "Techno", of electronic music) i ever saw.

I'm not talking about the culture as it is seen from outside- people that are said to be (and often are) using synthetical drugs to dance the whole night to "stupid" music. I'm talking about what Techno is like, the feelings we had, why we listened to Techno.

This movie is about a boy, who wants to change the people in the world he lives in. Not in big means, just in small steps. In what he can reach. And he wants to do so in a (somehow) peaceful way. Also, it has some incredible beautiful scenes, scattered throughout it- like the faint moments of beauty in the monotone beat. There is some kind of a monotone background as you see the masses of concrete, the city with the crowds going to work or returning home, where these beautiful moments are scattered upon in a chaotic manner.

So do we feel, like the movie: Lost in that chaotic world, emotionless and grey as concrete, drifting through our life. Sometimes, we see the beauty, in nature, in the eyes of our girlfriend, or hear it in the music, or just feel it. And we want to change the world to something better, at least where we can achieve it, in a subtle way.

This movie feels like the morning when you danced through the night before, lost in the music. When you go outside, climb up from the club to the streets, the sun already risen, and the people doing their business, and you are completely lost in that world- and you feel the beauty of life. When you see the beauty of this morning, and you know all the people surrounding you could see it too, if they were awake. This is what Techno feels like. Nothing more. But nothing less.