mellowliving Reviews

Death Racers (2008 Video)

Excuse me, a "B" movie? No fricking way....

[1/10 · 24 March 2013]

I am astounded on some of the reviews here claiming this is a B movie. This is a movie that you show to a class of students who want to learn how to make a movie and point and say, "this is the wrong way". And I've thought I've seen some horrible movies on the syfy channel. This actually manages to go a step below that spectrum. The acting is off the charts south and the dialogue is even further down there. The story is pretty dumb but I have seen worst in that department.

But you wanna know what gives this movie that little bit of extra crap that truly makes it extraordinarily bad? It is the editing and the cinematography. Almost every kill scene is looped over and over again without relief. And randomly, a mundane scene where an "actor" talks or does some kind of motion also loops. Why? It adds nothing to the movie and only frustrates you. And they will zoom in at like 10x on some scenes or use some gimmicky trick. You can tell they found these gimmicky tools on whatever program they were using to edit the movie and said"oh yea man that's crazy lets throw that in somewhere". The soundtrack is pretty crappy but then again I never cared for ICP. It feels forced on you, they introduce it and remove it quickly and abruptly.

It is obvious this movie was done lazily. Poor editing, poor acting, poor dialogue, etc. It looks like they only did one take on every single scene and didn't bother even trying to make a decent movie. Well when you put in nothing you get nothing. The only honest thing I can say I liked about the whole movie was one scene with the android dude and the chick. And that's it.

Oh, and you know what surprised the hell out of me? This movie was on SHOWTIME!?!?! I thought showtime was a premium competitor to HBO, why, who got this movie on there? What??

Camel Spiders (2011 TV Movie)

Please read if you are considering watching this movie!!!!!

[1/10 · 5 October 2012]

Why, why why why do you people keep making these movies? Who is stupid enough to fund these movies? The Syfi or however they spell the name now is well known to have the worst of the worst movies. But this, this movie takes the whole cake. Every single one of the actors in this movie are just, it just leaves me completely speechless about how bad they are. I normally don't write scathing reviews but I was compelled to write this after watching just 15 minutes of this below Z grade movie.

The concept that SF channel movies use are neither scary or intelligent or even entertaining. Camel spiders are the most venomous spiders in the world and that it will kill you almost instantly? Really? I mean really? Just how stupid was the person who came up with this story? Do you not know how to use the internet? Can you even read? Did your mom always tell you that you were special? That is all I'm gonna say on that matter.

The acting. Oh god the acting... I can say with 110% confidence and actuality that this is the worst acting I have ever seen in my entire life here on this planet. Oh, and the dialog. Who came up with the dialog??? Embarrassing... I will point out that the one young blonde chick is the worst actress I have ever seen. I take that back, I just cannot in good faith even call her an actress. Girl, you need to re-think your career and make some DRASTIC changes. I would suggest pornography as you are hot but then again that requires at least SOME acting.

I am a very nice person and rarely bash people in real life and in the internet. But watching just 15mins of this thing made me so freaking angry and filled me with hate that I just had to write this. I want to warn others that this movie will seriously anger you.

Colombiana (2011)

cliché after cliché cliché after cliché cliché after cliché cliché after cliché cliché after cliché

[2/10 · 21 April 2012]

Title says it all, cliché after cliché sums this movie up pretty nicely. In the beginning of the movie where the 2 head gangsters are having a meeting, I said to myself, if one of them kills the other then this movie is going to be horrible. And what do you know, he does.

Also this movie had people making so many stupid mistakes that someone in real life would never make. Also the very small details in movies and pretty much everything in the world make all the difference. First off, the plot is so empty and basic. I know, this is supposed to be an action flick but comon. You are an assassin but yet you leave your trade mark all over the crime scene? Stupid.

The director tried to make the main actress show raw emotion, but completely failed. She is a bad actress. I felt no sympathy or anything for her in the scenes where I was supposed to.

Also, since when where there micro SD cards back in the 90's? A memory module of that size, even if it existed could only store like 100 kilobytes of information. And also since when can you still read the card after it's been inside your stomach for a couple of hours? BS.

Bottom line, do NOT rent this movie even if its offered for a dollar. If you really want to see this movie wait til it shows up on TV like I did, you will be SUPER glad you did.

Gold Rush (2010– )

Hilarious watching a bunch of morons try to get gold!!!

[7/10 · 21 December 2011]

This show is unbelievable in the sense that some of these guys are complete MORONS! The crew that lost their claim because the leader forgot to pay for it, is particularly retarded. I don't know if they are acting or they really are a bunch of clusterf***s.

"Oh this HAS to be virgin land because these trees are like really tall", are you serious? Just because a tree grows fast does not mean it's been there for hundreds of years, especially spruce trees. I know absolutely nothing about gold mining but I will tell you I can do a hands down much better job than those idiots.

And their leader, oh my god their leader... How the hell are those guys still following him around??? He appears to have very little to no backbone. When he gets angry his voice goes up to about 35 decibels. He commands absolutely no sense of leadership or authority. I would LOVE to see a guy join their group who is anti-social (I don't mean asocial to all you idiots who think anti-social means people who don't like to be social, asocial is the correct term for that.) and see how he handles it.

But at the end of the day it is incredibly entertaining for me. For the sole reason of watching that retarded group try and get gold. I will tell you the only guy who is actually smart is the kid who runs his grandfathers operation. He reminds me a lot of myself because I am pretty much in the same exact boat as him (interchange gold mining with construction).

But don't confuse my rant as hating this show, I love it but if the producers are reading this I have something that will help your ratings without having to make them act out drama. Do as I said before and introduce an anti-social person in that morons crew and just film. Ratings GOLD! Lmao I did not even do that on purpose i just typed it without realizing. God I am clever.

Sons of Guns (2011–2014)

Show is Great

[31 August 2011]

This show is pretty good. They take a certain weapon and modify it or do restoration work on old pieces. As for what FilmMan wrote, this is a show for ENTERTAINMENT purposes. This show in NOT a history lesson. As much as I love learning about the history of weapons and military operations, sometimes you just want to watch someone mod an Ak-47 and fire it.

And if you have no idea and need to know the purpose of a suppressed shotgun (really?) then this show is not for you. Again, this show is for ENTERTAINMENT purposes if you want to learn more about a certain weapon and it's history go watch another show or look it up. But if you want to watch a weapon being modified and watch them blow stuff up with it, then you will love this show.

You kind of need to know a bit about weapons and enjoy them to enjoy this show. And by the way the M203 (Or clone) that they attached to the AR-15 which is the same thing as it's military twin the M-16 except it is only Semi-Auto, is NOT A FLARE LAUNCHER!!! They only used flare charges instead of the usual 40mm Grenades for obvious reasons. So FilmMan, I believe you aren't as familiarized with firearms as you say you are. And remember this show is for ENTERTAINMENT purposes.

Awesome show too!