Submik
Joined Apr 2011
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Submik's rating
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Submik's rating
What the actual hell is Tom Sizemore doing in this mess? Misirlou (rebranded Adrenochrome) feels like a late-night YouTube rabbit hole turned into a feature film-with all the chaos, none of the polish. To its credit, the idea of throwing every American right-wing conspiracy theory into a blender is, on paper, quite fun. And yes, the absurdity of the plot has its own twisted charm.
But that's where the praise ends.
The writing is painfully clunky, lacking rhythm, coherence, or any real depth. The characters resemble NPCs in a broken video game, uttering nonsensical monologues.
Visually, it's a disaster: it looks like the entire thing was shot on a cheap camcorder stuck on autofocus, with random GoPro angles thrown in for added confusion. There's no visual consistency, just shaky, amateur-grade footage that makes The Blair Witch Project look like Citizen Kane.
The soundtrack isn't bad-some tracks even slap-but they can't save a film that feels like it was assembled during a paranoid fever dream.
Sizemore's presence is baffling, like watching a fallen star wander through a student film. If you're into cinematic oddities for the sheer what-the-f*ery of it all, give it a go. Perhaps using the drugs that abound on screen would make the experience more enjoyable. Otherwise, consider this your warning.
But that's where the praise ends.
The writing is painfully clunky, lacking rhythm, coherence, or any real depth. The characters resemble NPCs in a broken video game, uttering nonsensical monologues.
Visually, it's a disaster: it looks like the entire thing was shot on a cheap camcorder stuck on autofocus, with random GoPro angles thrown in for added confusion. There's no visual consistency, just shaky, amateur-grade footage that makes The Blair Witch Project look like Citizen Kane.
The soundtrack isn't bad-some tracks even slap-but they can't save a film that feels like it was assembled during a paranoid fever dream.
Sizemore's presence is baffling, like watching a fallen star wander through a student film. If you're into cinematic oddities for the sheer what-the-f*ery of it all, give it a go. Perhaps using the drugs that abound on screen would make the experience more enjoyable. Otherwise, consider this your warning.
Neil Marshall has proven before that he can deliver top-notch horror-action films when given the resources-Dog Soldiers and The Descent remain genre favorites. Unfortunately, The Lair feels like a low-budget attempt to recreate the magic of both without the means to do so.
The premise-soldiers trapped in an underground bunker, facing monstrous creatures-had potential. It could have been an adrenaline-fueled mix of military action and claustrophobic horror. However, the script is riddled with clichés, and the characters are one-dimensional, spouting generic dialogue that rarely adds depth to the plot. The actors seem to do their best with what they're given, but the writing didn't allow for any memorable performances.
The practical effects, a staple of Marshall's past work, are solid and give the creatures a tangible presence. Unfortunately, the digital effects are downright abysmal, often pulling the viewer out of the action rather than enhancing it. This is especially disappointing given Marshall's history of crafting visceral, believable horror sequences.
There are moments of fun-some of the action scenes are entertaining, and the creature design shows glimpses of creativity-but The Lair ultimately feels like a cheap imitation of Marshall's better films. It may be watchable for die-hard fans of his work, but it's hard not to wish for what it could have been with a bigger budget, a better production and a stronger script.
The premise-soldiers trapped in an underground bunker, facing monstrous creatures-had potential. It could have been an adrenaline-fueled mix of military action and claustrophobic horror. However, the script is riddled with clichés, and the characters are one-dimensional, spouting generic dialogue that rarely adds depth to the plot. The actors seem to do their best with what they're given, but the writing didn't allow for any memorable performances.
The practical effects, a staple of Marshall's past work, are solid and give the creatures a tangible presence. Unfortunately, the digital effects are downright abysmal, often pulling the viewer out of the action rather than enhancing it. This is especially disappointing given Marshall's history of crafting visceral, believable horror sequences.
There are moments of fun-some of the action scenes are entertaining, and the creature design shows glimpses of creativity-but The Lair ultimately feels like a cheap imitation of Marshall's better films. It may be watchable for die-hard fans of his work, but it's hard not to wish for what it could have been with a bigger budget, a better production and a stronger script.
There's a special kind of bad in cinema-the kind that transcends mere incompetence and becomes a cringe experience unto itself. Verotika is exactly that. Glenn Danzig's directorial debut is a train wreck of biblical proportions, a film so devoid of basic filmmaking competence that it makes The Room look like Citizen Kane.
From the opening scene, it's clear that Danzig has no grasp of pacing, framing, lighting, or, well... anything that involves putting a movie together.
The script? A collection of barely connected segments that feel like bad high school goth fan fiction. The acting? Stiff, lifeless, and hilariously off-key. The cinematography? If you told me the entire film was shot with the camera set on "auto" and no one checked the footage, I'd believe you.
Editing? What editing? Scenes drag on with no sense of rhythm, often lingering far beyond their welcome, creating a bizarre mix of tedium and secondhand embarrassment. Speaking of embarrassment: the fake french accents. So hilariously exaggerated and unnecessary they could almost pass as satire. Except this movie has no sense of humor about itself.
And yet, amid this mess, one thing stands out: the soundtrack (the music, not the dialogue - obviously). Danzig knows what pleases the ears (of those who like him), just not what pleases the eyes. Unfortunately, Verotika is a film, not an album, and is an assault on anyone with unaltered brain functions. (Oh boy, blessed are the blind nipples!)
In the end, Verotika isn't just bad-it's a spectacular failure in every conceivable way. But if you have a taste for the unwatchable, this might just be your next cult obsession.
From the opening scene, it's clear that Danzig has no grasp of pacing, framing, lighting, or, well... anything that involves putting a movie together.
The script? A collection of barely connected segments that feel like bad high school goth fan fiction. The acting? Stiff, lifeless, and hilariously off-key. The cinematography? If you told me the entire film was shot with the camera set on "auto" and no one checked the footage, I'd believe you.
Editing? What editing? Scenes drag on with no sense of rhythm, often lingering far beyond their welcome, creating a bizarre mix of tedium and secondhand embarrassment. Speaking of embarrassment: the fake french accents. So hilariously exaggerated and unnecessary they could almost pass as satire. Except this movie has no sense of humor about itself.
And yet, amid this mess, one thing stands out: the soundtrack (the music, not the dialogue - obviously). Danzig knows what pleases the ears (of those who like him), just not what pleases the eyes. Unfortunately, Verotika is a film, not an album, and is an assault on anyone with unaltered brain functions. (Oh boy, blessed are the blind nipples!)
In the end, Verotika isn't just bad-it's a spectacular failure in every conceivable way. But if you have a taste for the unwatchable, this might just be your next cult obsession.