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Reviews
The Deep House (2021)
A bit different, but really not a great watch
There are plenty of 5-6 rated horror movies that are worth a watch just for an evening's entertainment. They won't win any awards but can fill an evening with a few scares along the way... this was not one of them.
It's positives are that is was a bit different... an underwater house and, well, it didn't last that long (Thankfully!).
The female actress was decent but, I hate to say it, the male made it very difficult to get into the film. It constantly sounded like he was reading directly from the script for the very first time. That was made worse by the very basic writing that just made me constantly think.. this is just a bad movie.
The key parts in the movie were "cinematic" to the point where you just couldn't see what was going on at all and, putting ti all together, meant that any scare scene's just did nothing.
When it got to the end, I was hoping to get something, anything(?) but it ended in disappointment too. I really struggled to get to the end of this one, but when I did I couldn't help but write this review to warn people to look elsewhere.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Average film with great reviews...
I watched Mad Max having not seen the older films since I was young and without reading any reviews or any preconceptions about what it would be like.
Most people will know it's an action film, but it really is just that. I found it difficult to get absorbed into the movie because it was very CGI driven and, whilst technology has moved on, it was still too obvious that many scenes were graphical. The (very few) lines of speech in the story were all very cheesy and poorly acted. Max had only a handful of lines but they were not done well - I would argue he wasn't even the main character! There was no attachment to any of the characters and no concern about their fate - even when there should have been!
The story could have been written on an A4 sheet of paper and the rest of the film was all about action shots... in vehicles... in the desert. Followed closely by more of the same. Just when you think you might see something interesting, it just sends you right back from where you came. More vehicles, more desert, more fighting.
This is a pure, mindless action film, but it's mostly the same kind of action all the way through. There is barely any story or character development. It is a blockbuster in terms of the scale of action, but that isn't enough to give it more than a 6 out of 10.
How this has 8.3 on IMDb at the moment is crazy. Mindless action lovers giving it 10/10 and those who loved the original enjoying more of the same. When it comes down to it... most high budget films are worth the watch for the spectacle and I do enjoy most of them even if they're not technically great films. In this case, my main feeling was that the movie was just rubbish and I wouldn't recommend it to any but action lovers.
Zidane, un portrait du 21e siècle (2006)
What a waste
I have reviewed a few films on IMDb and always try to give a fair judgement. 1 out of 10s often cause a roll of the eyes and it is so rare for a film to be really THAT bad and it usually means that you must ignore the reviewers view point. This, however, was terrible and really does deserve it. I gave it 2 as it might appeal to a very small population of the world.
I was not expecting a montage of goals or skills as you would find on youtube. I was expecting to see all of the things Zidane was doing and why. Why else would you watch something live this, but to learn from his decision making and the thoughts he has throughout the game. In the quiet parts I expect to learn something about what makes him... him.
I should have known that things were not going to go well when the intro sequence - a zoomed in view of a television, which seemed to go on for about 10 minutes. I HAD to fast-forward it!
Then came the 90 minutes. No real introduction, barely a comment from the Zidane and the angles at which each incident was shown was dire. Has it actually started? I had to wonder when the program would start... but it already had!
They were attempting to make something artistic, but ended up simply showing a bunch of clips that bore no relevance to the match. It was not obvious, at all, what was happening. The choice of camera shot did not help to show anything useful or interesting at all.
At the end of the day, this was a "portrait". An artists impression of a match of football focused on one of the worlds greatest ever players. However, this won't appeal to anyone who has an interest in football unless they have a keen interest in obscure artistry themselves.
This could have been so much more. It could have been something that you'd recommend to every young footballer trying to learn his trade. Instead it was one of THE most dull pieces of "entertainment" that I have ever seen.
Army of Darkness (1992)
Not so great
I seem to be on an endless search for a great horror movie. It is almost inevitable that a horror on IMDb scores between 3 and 6 out of 10, yet here we are with an old classic at 7.6. Anything that gets a 7 on IMDb is usually worth a watch for the unprejudiced!
How disappointed was I... It's not a real horror, of course, it is a comedy with horror aspects. I really only raised a smile once or twice during viewing, which destroys the comedy aspect. The acting wasn't great, there wasn't much of a story and the effects on 1992 don't translate particularly well.
It's probably harsh to judge a movie 20 years on. After all, some real horror classics which rate even higher than this from even earlier are un-watchably poor.
All of that aside, this just isn't a great film. It's a silly film with no great story, acting, emotion, anything. Its just something to watch for an hour and a half. It never deserves above a 7 and fits perfectly with the rest of the genuine horror movies at about a 5 or 6.
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)
Oh dear
Contains spoilers... but not really...
I don't review many films on IMDb, but I usually do when I think there is a reason too - good or bad!
I loved the first Paranormal Activity. It was original and genuinely chilling. Not many horror films have you turning on the lights in every room after you watch it. I imagine some were listening for every floor creak and groan for days!
However, we're now at #4 of a weakening series. They tell a basic story, but always leave more opportunity for a next one.
Let me tell you the story of this film. It's about the boy who was taken in the 3rd film and there's some sort of cult. THAT'S IT!
If you see 4.4 av rating on IMDb, you have to wonder... is it REALLY that bad?? Some films are just poorly done and poorly acted and appear just amateur - but sometimes they can be so bad they're good. This doesn't appear amateur and the acting was fine, but there is no story. There are a few jumps (but not good ones) but nothing happens.
It is probably the weakest story I have ever seen! There is barely a key point in the film and to be quite honest I could sum the story up with "Hey look, this is number 4 and guess what... there's a number 5 coming too!!"
It is literally that bad. You see nothing, learn nothing and it ends with... there's more to come. 4.4 too high in my opinion! A terrible waste of what started off as a superb film franchise.
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Worst of the three
I'm always on the lookout for a good horror film and they are incredibly hard to find! Paranormal Activity (the original) was a great film which, for most personality types, created great fear in the viewer during AND after the viewing. For those that weren't affected, it didn't make any impact.
I also enjoyed the second one too.
Having seen the third one I was very disappointed. It is the earliest film in the timeline, but uses the same old tricks. When it was finished, the first thing that came to mind was the classic film Predator - A brilliant film, excellently done where you didn't know what they were up against right until the end. When Predator 2 came out, it was nowhere near as good because you knew everything already.
Having watched 2 films worth of the same techniques, this one really wasn't scary at all. There were one or two jumpy bits but I didn't feel there was any of the tension build up. So it then relies on the story... what story?
That story was probably listed in a single paragraph and they said - lets make a film about this. This is one of those films that, if you had not watched the previous 2 films, you would wonder what the hell was that?
If you enjoyed the first 2 films, then you should probably watch this - only to complete the story, even though the parts it fills are barely satisfactory. If you haven't watched them, then go watch them instead - they are far better films!
Fertile Ground (2011)
Tip for you
I'm always on the search for new horror movies and they generally fail to make me finish the film and feel scared or, more importantly, think "that was a great film".
This one is just the same. I think if you're looking for some horror and have come to the expectancy I have (5-7/10 max), then this is OK to play something for the night.
My tip is simply... not to watch the trailer! Just like all crappy comedies, instead of all the best jokes being in the trailer... all of the jumpy parts are in the trailer. This makes it really lack anything in the fear factor!
Worth a watch if you want to watch a basic horror, but its nothing special.
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
Wrong Score!
I love IMDb because in 90% of cases, a film is reviewed approximately right. They get so many reviews from pretentious to perfect to moronically biased - it caters for everyone and you get a good rounded score. Its generally about right - within 1 out of 10 or so. Watch a 7/10 and it'll be decent at least.
So this is why I'm writing this review. This was given a 6.9 out of ten. How? Just how!?
I read the first reviews and they say 9 or 10 out of 10. What is wrong with these people??
The film started pretty basic. Acting OK, not very scary for a horror... but it was dull, dull, dull. Nothing happened. 30 mins in and I was ready to turn it off and rate it a 2/10 but I stuck with it and it did improve. The film is time-shifted - sort of like Pulp Fiction but nowhere near as good! But the time-shifting does help to show all of the stories and how they join together which made it an OK at best film - hence my 5/10.
I cannot understand how anyone can rate it higher. It was not scary - at all. It wasn't gory. It didn't have a clever storyline. It was... rubbish quite frankly!
If I were to sum this up, it would be to say that it would be very much at home on the SyFy or Horror channel. It was lucky to get some sales on DVD and it was a great decision to skip it from the cinema. I love films and its rare that I think something is so null and void - even bad films have their comedy value! I just think that most normal people won't enjoy this film. Don't waste your time on it.
The Shrine (2010)
Good and bad...
I watched this film having been given a reasonably high recommendation into it. I knew nothing about it apart from that!
As I was watching it there was definitely a sense that the film wasn't really as good as I was told! The acting wasn't too great and there were several points where there was a clear bit where the movie was using scenes to move the story forward. I guess that's what all films do, but it was a bit too blatant in this one!
Fortunately, the film was enough to keep me entertained despite a few moments of... well... hmmmmm.
As the story pans out it becomes a decent watch and the twists make it semi-worthwhile. If you like horror's you'll probably enjoy the watch, but if you've not got some kind of interest there... try another one!
Deadgirl (2008)
Nice idea, implemented just OK
Some of the reviews you've seen here don't help much at all. Some are so appalled by the nature of the film that they rate it a 1*, whilst others think that the premise is so different and amazing that it is more thought provoking than the movie really is! The idea is interesting and original. Here's the spoiler bit...
2 teens find a girl, who can't die and cannot fight back tied in an old mental asylum. It is a test of their humanity what they do with "it". Is it really an "it" or a "she" even if she is dead? Does she really count as a person and then how do you choose how to treat her? The 2 teens take different actions, one wishes to set her free the other wants her to become his full bodied sex toy. The bit that puts people off is that the more dominant character rapes the "dead girl" over and over. Some people will just not be able to stomach that. Some people thing its a very thought provoking idea.
But thats it really. The premise is good, different and thought provoking. However, the script writers seem to have spent about 20 minutes writing the rest of the film. Any back stories are thrown in quickly to create some kind of motives, the links to the crucial scenes are thrown together terribly and some of the speech used to move the story along to the next important moment is really dire.
The main character Ricky, wasn't great at acting at all - the unbelievable lines he had made it all the more worse. This made it hard to really get absorbed into the film.
It wasn't a scary film in the typical horror sense. The ending was predictable but written to inspire thought. Overall... its a nice idea, but the writers should have spent more time getting the story to flow than to focus solely on the key moments and then mash them together. Worth a watch if you can stomach the premise, but its not an amazing film.