griffsta Reviews

Black Box (III) (2020)

Am stook in a pod an a can't breathe proper like

[2/10 · 23 March 2022]

Should have seen the red flags as soon as I noticed the "black box" prop is made of a foam back roller. Then the epipen being used completely wrong with the needle effect was the icing on the cake. Started cracking up with "Swindon Space Control". The northern accents made it a feel even lower budget than it already was. Also the romancey vibe with Sarah was cringey and completely unnecessary. Couldn't watch to the end.

Worth putting on if you're having trouble sleeping.

The Babadook (2014)

There's a story there somewhere

[5/10 · 7 July 2017]

(Possible spoiler?) My first thoughts when seeing Essie Davis character was "wow she looks like a worn out piece of crap". After 10 minutes I was already sick of the vacant stare on her face, that she wears for pretty much most of the film. Whats more, her complete distance from reality even at the beginning made me cringe. Also come on sweetheart, brush your hair?? So I continued to watch as her character predictably became the self- created victim throughout the film. Between the dreadful acting as her "widow with one- too-many-years without counselling" and her son's constant over the top tantrums and weirdness, there's probably a plot. As far as the story goes, there's a monster/ghost or something haunting them. It wants to kill them, and she makes it way too easy for it to do so. Had potential but bad acting ruined it

Alien Abduction (2014)

Yawn

[4/10 · 24 May 2015]

Another Jump-Scare-POV film. With aliens. Boring, poorly filmed, I'd actually take more pleasure watching it before all the crappy after effects were put in, then at least it could pass for a B movie.

As most POV movies do, it tried too hard and relied too much on after effects and shaky camera work to hide poor directing, weak narrative and forgettable characters

Reminds me of a film a saw a few years back of the same name but it was also called: the mcpherson tape. This was basically a larger budget version of it, and it was still pretty rubbish!

Still, alright for a cheap laugh

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

Absolute Rubbish

[1/10 · 2 August 2014]

This was Bay's chance to make up for the other 3 monstrosities he released under the Transformers franchise. He blew it.

In summary: poorly written, plot holes, poor characters, terrible effects, boring.

Only worth seeing if you have a kid, and even then they'll be bored after the first hour, so good luck getting them to sit through the rest of it.

It reeks of the same old michael bay style, bad explosions, supercars, helicopters, token "comic relief" characters, minimum resemblance or respect for the G1 continuity. Basically dog turd. Disappointed but not surprised.

The Machine Girl (2008)

Did these people even watch the same film as me?

[1/10 · 6 November 2012]

There's B movies, and there's Grindhouse, but this film was just pure garbage. I honestly thought they must have realised halfway through filming it was dreadful, and tried to come up with ideas to make it worse... I mean come on, drill bra? Really?

This film is p*ss poor in my opinion. The props are rubbish, the OTT blood and gore isn't even funny, its just ridiculous. The acting is mediocre, the fight choreography is substandard.

I've seen a lot of these kind of movies, and at least other B movies have a half decent story or are at least written so you enjoy at least 1 scene.

Was this film made by a 12 year old?

Dragonball Evolution (2009)

If you like Dragonball, do not see this movie.

[1/10 · 22 March 2010]

If you have seen the original cartoon series, or DBZ, seeing this will hurt you. The story gets chopped up to fit in with the whole American typical high-school-teenager theme, and a lot of the original concepts get changed for reasons i can't think of except that James Wong thought "well I've already ruined part of this, may as well go the whole way". The only reason I didn't walk out of the cinema is because I paid to see it.

Main points:

-Goku's character is completely wrong, all goku wants to do is train and fight stronger enemies, and make friends... he does not care about being popular, or getting a girlfriend or any of that cr*p. Also the martial arts used are very basic. Lets finally mention, nimbus? power pole? no. -Oozaru is a complete failure. He should have been hundreds of times bigger. Also - lack of tail, full moon etc? Not just that but Goku cannot control his great ape state, let alone transform back. -Piccolo has no antennae.. also his back story is COMPLETELY wrong. -Grandpa Gohan's story part was all wrong. -Yamcha sucks. -Master Roshi was funny, and I've no problem with Yun Fat Chow but the role was really poorly cast. Also he has hair wtf?!

Finally - THE KAMEHAMEHA DOES NOT HEAL PEOPLE!!! It would have blown a hole in his chest ffs.

Wong, do not even think of making a sequel.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Another fail for bay...

[4/10 · 23 June 2009]

I really thought that after the last movie he would have actually watched transformers and maybe read some of the comics, but it seems not. This film should be called "Transformers: Alternate reality" because it is not how it should be.

Lets just look at some things here... (MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS)

The matrix - Wrong shape, wrong purpose, just no. The cube - wtf was that in the first place..? Megatron calling someone master? HA! Also agent smith as megatron... jeez.

Also... I noticed that demolishor was killed in the beginning of the film, yet somehow he managed to come back to life to help form devastator.. Speaking of reborn transformers, bonecrusher? He must have got a new head... And looking at the cast list... Jazz, Frenzy, Barricade? WTF. I didn't see them...

Mudflap and Skids, well some people would have liked them but all I saw in them was that they were the token black transformers seeing as jazz had no lines.

The actual transformers weren't too bad, with the addition of jolt and sideswipe (or Stabby McWheelyfeet -TF2005 XD). Starscream was a lot better, with more lines and a lot more accurate to his persona. Devastator was confusing, i must have counted at least 9 constructicons through the film (1 of which was killed by optimus, 1 to revive megatron) he's made up of 5 i think, but by the time he'd formed i swear i counted about 9 constructicons.. Also there was a lot of incontinuity with Optimus' look at the end. Soundwave was one of the only ones that stuck out in my head, as well as starscream.

To break this movie down simply:

Bay film=Explosions etc... TF storyline completely messed up. Poorly written script. Only slightly better than the 1st one for the fact that the action sequences had longer angles and you could actually see what was happening.

If you are a child that likes action movies, explosions, and have never watched an episode of transformers made before 2000 then get your parents to take you, its worth the free popcorn.

If you are a real die-hard transformers fan, watch a bootleg. It'll avoid the disappointment and regret of paying to watch it.

I can already see TF3... The matrix gets into decepticon hands and they turn the I.S.S into Unicron. With more explosions and crappy one liners than you can even imagine!

overall i give a 2/5 for this film.