noseman-2 Reviews

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Like a layer-cake of feces

[1/10 · 18 November 2005]

When I saw the commercials for this movie, a traitorous thought crept into my mind: "This can't possibly be as bad as has been said". As it happened, it was worse. Now, I can watch nearly any kind of film and have a good time at it, but watching this felt like crawling through solidified tar with jagged pieces of glass in it. Slow plodding, with the only exciting bits being worse than the boredom. I think everyone should see this once, so they can appreciate other movies more.

The only positive thing in all this was the hilariously huge codpieces in the aliens' suits, but since Hubbard loathed psychiatrists, I will not mention the word "overcompensating"...

I can see how this was made to resemble Star Wars with the visuals and the main plot outline: the cosmic Rastafarian bad guy wearing all-black and having some devices implanted to make him resemble Darth. All we'd need is the good guy in white pajamas, some headgear on Travolta and a bunch of irritating 'funny' aliens to bring in the younger kids.

Some reference to how bad this really is is the fact, that I loaned this on VHS from a friend who never throws anything away. When I had seen through to the end of the film I went to take it back to her, just to be told that she didn't want it back and I was free to take it to the woods and burn it for all she cared. I complied.

Devilman (1987–1990)

Typical teenage-anime with demons.

[17 December 2002]

At an excavation, a professor finds evidence of ancient monsters resembling demons of legend. After a fashion a relative of the professor and his friend find out about the ancient demons' coming back. Something has to be done, but no-one can fight the demons, not with the powers of mortals anyway...

Someone has to lose himself to save mankind.

Very slight nudity and violence.