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Reviews
The Convent (2000)
A-minus movie on a B-film Budget
Wow. This movie impressed me. Favorite part: Anything with the Goth Satan worshippers. Least favorite part: The cheesy FX. Great, and I mean great, writers. The Satanic chant put to the melody of "Silver Bells" just about made me p*** myself. Good stuff! Ignore the thesis-length rants some people put up and just go rent it. Much closer to "Dude Where's My Car" than it is to the Exorcist. Good campy fun in it's own cheesy-horror way. You'll laugh your arses off!
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
TOTALLY INANE, LAME, A DISAPPOINTMENT.
The only "horror" aspect to this movie is that it totally sucks. I can't believe I'm even bothering to write about this piece of crap, but I was so disappointed in BWP2 that I had to do SOMETHING to save others from making the same mistake I did! It's boring, lame, immature and the plot is confusing and muddy. Dull dull dull.
My review: Do the same thing you would do if you were lost in the woods and came across a creepy abandoned house: Avoid it or you'll wish that you did! Mwaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaa!
The Meateater (1979)
BETTER THAN YOU THINK!
The Meateater is one of those rare underground flicks that is actually INTERESTING. Think Ed Wood meets Stephen King. Bad technical stuff, but great characters.
The characters are unexpectedly and instantly likeable. Mitford, Raymond and the sheriff are the sort of mid-western anti-heroes that make one laugh out loud more than once. Mitford, the dad/main character, is dumbfoundedly fascinating - he's whiney, hokey, freaky and very funny. We want to hate him but CAN'T, because we can identify with his dissatisfaction in life and desire to live out a dream. And viewers will relate to how Raymond tries B.S.'ing his Projectionist experience (NONE) to Mitford in an interview. The son, Ricky - looks cool, exactly like a kid in the late 70's stoner-era wanted to look. Kind of like a teenage Mini-Me to Edgar Winter. The wife's subtle but obvious interest in meat products is highly amusing. Savage should have worked that nugget further into the plot somehow. It could have worked, considering the title of the movie.
Plot: It's there, albeit loose at times. Due to Mitford's drive to break out of shoe sales and live out a dream, the family buys the Crest theater (Mitford pronounces it "thee-ATE-er"). Unbeknownst to Mitford & The Gang, there's an old psychotic guy living there who used to have a thing with Jean Harlow. After being badly scarred by a fire, the geriatric looney toon starts killing people at the thee-ATE-er. And here's the cornstarch to thicken it all up: Mitford's daughter is a blonde bombshell named - you guessed it - Jeanie. Like Harlow. Good idea, but the Jean Harlow connection is so thin that it's almost non-existent.
There is a great deal of humor in this baby. Most of it is in the dialogue, but it's elsewhere as well. Innuendos are everywhere, from the Grizzy Safari movie to the numerous references to hot dogs. Freud would have a ball with this flick.
The actors are VERY seventies and Savage was an OK director.
If you have interest in cheesy 70's horror, then you'll know what to expect. This isn't the Exorcist, people, nor does it try to be. But in the category of Clever, Low-Budget Velveeta-Caked Horrors, this is a gem.