j_zimmy Reviews

Acts of Violence (2018)

Such potential

[6/10 · 27 January 2018]

The movie, despite being a mashup of almost every successful movie in this genre, was decent. Two things ruined it for me completely. "Mia's" absolutely abysmal acting- if you can call it that. She was worse than most low-budget porn actresses.... Like, awful. She should consider a career change. But not porn. She's not hot enough or a good enough actress for porn. And Bruce Willis' acting reminded me of Steven Segal: slow and sluggish. Zero energy. Almost as if he was doing this begrudgingly. Cole Hauser did not disappoint. It was entertaining, but nothing spectacular.

Mr. Jingles (2006 Video)

Terrible, but still not as bad as...

[1/10 · 14 November 2008]

I turned the move off after the lady dumped the handful of bloody potatoes in the opening scene. I should have guessed it was going to be this terrible when the opening credits read like those of a porno movie: "Tommy Brunswick". And then they just skipped the last names all together and only used first names... and then they skipped the first names and only used nick names. How on EARTH do people produce this crap and actually think they did a good job. This crap would do more bad for a producers reputation than it would good.

However, with all of this being said... this movie was still not anywhere nearly as bad as "Dungeon Girl." You must check it out, even if it's only to make Mr. Jingles look like an Oscar-winner in comparison. They both fall into the great-cover-tricks-you-into-renting-an-eye-gougingly-terrible movie category, but Dungeon Girl is far more terrible.

Dungeon Girl (2008 Video)

How did this movie make it to the shelves?!

[1/10 · 24 September 2008]

I'm appalled as to how this movie even made it past the production phase. Every single aspect of this movie was a train wreck. The acting was non-existent. The only parts of the movie that were even slightly disturbing were scenes cut from other movies and played over and over again. The locations were horrible. The continuity was also non-existent. The female actress wears an outfit in one frame and then in the very next frame is wearing something completely different. They used a mix of American and foreign actors for a movie that was filmed in the US, yet uses foreign city names for their locations to depict a true story of an incident that occurred in a foreign country. Very confusing. The narrator's voice was different than that of the actual female actress. They actually HIRED a separate actress to narrate this movie- and her voice alone made me want to jam a rusty and slightly-bent screwdriver into my ears repeatedly. The director also appeared to be obsessed with the male actor's ass as he repeatedly zooms in and focuses on it. I'm pretty certain that the male actor's ass is the star of the entire movie, at least you'd think so.

There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this movie whatsoever. Absolutely the worst one I've ever seen hands-down. I feel very sorry for the female actress in this movie- if she actually has the intention of being a legitimate actress, she's off to a horrendous start. I.. I just don't know what else to say. Don't touch this movie- unless of course you'd like to watch a grown man have explicit close-up sex with an inanimate doll repeatedly (and yes, I mean an actual doll).

I would rather go through what the subject of this "true story" went through in real life over and over again for te rest of my life than to have to watch this movie again.