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Reviews
Blood Predator (2007)
Atrocious
Watched this movie on zone horror one night during a bout of insomnia. I can honestly say that it is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Basically, 7 survivors of a plane crash set up camp in deserted hut during a snowstorm but soon find themselves picked off one by one by a flesh eating alien. I thought it sounded like it could be pretty good - I couldn't have been more wrong.
The directing, editing, lighting, acting, special effects - in fact, pretty much EVERYTHING about the movie - are absolutely terrible. The plot is basically non-existent. The movie is peppered with various scenes in which the actors are quite clearly standing in front of a blue screen. It really has to be seen to be believed, its THAT bad. Oh and there's also a random lesbian sex scene thrown on for good measure.
An embarrassment to all involved.
Norbit (2007)
Appalling
I cannot criticize this movie enough, I really can't. It's just an outright disaster from start to finish.
The premise is slow, distasteful and not in the least bit funny. In fact, the only thing humorous about this is the irony of the movie's tag line - "Have you ever made a really big mistake?" - yes, shelling out money to sit through this piece of garbage for a start.
Mr Murphy - what the hell were you thinking!? A man with his calibre of acting should not have to resort to cheap, degrading nonsense such as this. I find his involvement in this movie very disappointing to say the least.
Tip: Avoid like the plague.
1/10
Little Man (2006)
Just awful
I really can't add any more. This movie is just a disaster from start to finish. The Wayans brothers should be shot for appearing in this appalling piece of trash. One has to wonder why they keep getting work, although if the majority of their future projects are anything like this garbage, then I guess the will be fading into obscurity pretty quickly. Here's hoping anyway! As for the movie itself. It's just plain wrong. There is nothing clever - or at all funny - about seeing Marlon Wayan's face digitally grafter onto a babies body. And as for the 'jokes' - if you find any of it funny then you need to see a doctor. Please do not waste your time or money going to see this.
Gimme Gimme Gimme (1999)
Vulgar, Crude, Smutty.......but HILARIOUS!
Gimme Gimme Gimme is one of my favourite comedies simply because of Kathy Burke - the woman is fantastic. Her comedy timing and facial expressions are just fantastic. This show might not be to everyone's taste and many viewers might find it too offensive and vulgar - eg. when Kathy's character Linda exclaims "I've got something in my eye" then proceeds to put her hand up her skirt and 'fix' herself - but I for one find it utterly hilarious. Watching the banter between Linda and her flatmate Tom is side-splittingly funny. The supporting characters are also great - Beryl, their landlord who just happens to be an ex-prostitute, and the sex-mad neighbours from hell Suze and Jez. My only complaint about the show is that they made Linda's character out to be a bit too thick in series 3 compared to what she was like in series 1. But still, the laughs keep on coming. If you ate easily offended then do not watch this show but if you have an open-mind and don't mind a bit of smut/vulgarity then watch this - but be careful because you may just break a rib laughing so much!
Batman & Robin (1997)
Truly awful
I think it's safe to say that Joel Schumacher single-handedly ruined the whole batman franchise with this garbage. And in the most severe case of miscasting I've ever seen, Clooney is simply tragic as Batman. The new villains aren't up to much either. Uma Thurman's 'Poison Ivy' is completely over the top and seemed to come out of nowhere. Scwartznegger's 'Mr freeze' possibly has the worst dialogue I've ever heard from a character in a movie, with many 'memorable' lines such as "Ice to see you" and "Always winterize your pipes". Clever? Not one bit.
All in all, the only thing that made this movie remotely watchable was the touching performance from the old guy who played Albert. But nothing else. Not even Alicia Silverstone in a tight leather suit could save this movie.
Being a huge fan of the earlier batman movies I was utterly disappointed and disgusted that this mess was allowed to be released and I for one will be pretending that it doesn't even exist.
The Sweetest Thing (2002)
Complete dross...
All I can say is thank God I didn't waste money by going to the cinema to see this. Instead, I watched it when it was on TV as there was nothing else worth watching (as it turns out, neither was this).
The first 5 or so minutes of the movie were actually quite promising and managed to raise a few smiles but it quickly went downhill until it just became downright tragic. There was absolutely no plot and it seemed like the director and actresses made it as they went along. Various scenes in the movie left me speechless as they were just so bad and seemed to come out of nowhere Eg. a scene with Applegate peeing into a urinal whilst Diaz stares through a 'glory-hole' in a toilet cubicle wall only to get poked in the eye with a penis; a "movie montage" between Applegate and Diaz in a clothes shop, a simulation of oral sex again between Applegate and Diaz as they are driving on the freeway and not forgetting another oral sex scene featuring Blair in which her tonsils get "stuck" on the guys piercing. Funny? I think not. It seems that the director wanted to shock the audience with such scenes - and he succeeded. But only because they were delivered so unprofessionally and completely out of the blue, owing absolutely nothing to the credibility of the movie whatsoever.
I normally regard the movies three main actresses - Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair - to be good at what they do. However, not here. Why these three actresses felt the need to degrade themselves and appear in this garbage is beyond me.
Word of advice - Steer well clear of this crap.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Thrilling end to a brilliant trilogy!
Peter Jackson should well and truly be proud of himself. He has directed one of the best trilogies ever to exist. Return Of the King sadly marks the end of this epic adventure and it certainly doesn't disappoint. My only grievance with the movie is that two important charcters were cut out completely - Saruman (Christopher Lee) and Grima Wormtongue (Brad Douriff). It seems as though these two characters just disappeared off the face of Middle Earth, with no mention what of happened to them! Of course, from the book, we know that they both die but it would have been nice to see the scene in Return of the King. But if I am not mistaken, the scene will appear in the Extended Edition when it comes out next year. Despite this minor blip, the movie still deserves a solid 8.5/10
The Lost Boys (1987)
Great Fun!!
The first time I saw this movie I was quite young but I loved it and still do to this day. It's intriguing, clever and even hilariously funny in places.
***SPOILERS***
Lucy Emerson (Dianne weist) and her two teenage sons, Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim) move to Santa Carla, California to start a new life and live with her eccentric dad (Barnard Hughes). The boys soon realise that something is very wrong in their new hometown - people are constantly going missing and they find out that Santa Carla has the highest murder rate in the country! Every night is filled with the boys hanging out at the local fairground, while Lucy gets herself a job in a video store owned by Max (Edward Herrmann) who soon becomes her new love intrest. Michael develops a love intrest of his own - the lovely Star (Jami Gertz) whom he sees one night at the fairground. After following her he becomes caught up with her biker gang buddies led by David (Keiffer Sutherland). Michael soon realises that the gang aren't what they seem - they are vampires and manage to convert him into one aswell. Sam soon discovers whats happened to older brother thanks to some help from Edgar (Corey Feldman) and Alan Frog (Jamison Newlander)- a pair of brothers who run the local comic book store who also happen to be devout vampire hunters. Desperate to save his brother, Sam realises they must kill the head vampire and rid Santa Carla of the evil undead!
The casting and acting in the movie was perfect - Sutherland is brilliant as the evil David. Patric puts in an excellent performance as the confused and newly converted vampire Michael while Gertz is simply delicious in her role as the sultry vampiress desperate to put an end to their dilemma. Haim, Feldman and Newlander add humour and jokes amid the serious issues (the scene where they are having dinner with Max is hilarious!) Even the older actors put in brilliant, believable performances. Weist shines as the sweet, kind mother, oblivious to the dangers around her. Herrmann gives a solid performance trying to fit in with his new girlfriend's family. But the real star is veteran actor Hughes as Grampa - his lines are great - especially his closing line at the end of the movie!
The plot of "The Lost Boys" is good fun and the best 'vampire' type movie that Ive seen for the simple fact that it doesnt take itself too seriously and is fairly tongue-in-cheek in some parts then eerie and gory in others. The twist at the end is good and handled very well!
I think this movie is very under-rated - I can't believe it only got a rating of 6.7 on here. I would definately give it 8/10 - highly recommended!
Armageddon (1998)
Patriotic American Tripe!
I was very disappointed in this movie. The only thing which makes even remotely watchable is Liv tyler's presence. The other actors are terrible. Bruce Willis is the stereotypical hard-man hero (boring) and Ben Affleck well, I don't think I even need to comment on him. The movie was dire. If you want to see a good quality end-of-th-world disaster movie, watch "Deep Impact" instead.
Misery (1990)
Will send shivers up your spine!
Even although the book is obviously better (as is frequently the case), the screen adaptation does not disappoint.
Basically, a best selling novelist, Paul Sheldon (James Caan) crashes during a blizzard and is rescued by his "number one fan", Annie Wilkes(Kathy Bates) Wilkes nurses her hero back to health but when she learns that he has killed off her favourite character in his new book, she turns psychotic and demands that he writes another book, bringing the character back to life. Throughtout the movie, Annie Wilkes becomes increasingly terrifying. And be warned: one scene involving a sledgehammer will leave the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end!!!
James Caan does an excellent job as the terrified writer but it is Kathy Bates' outstanding performance as the crazed nurse which makes Misery so enjoyable and thrilling. She totally deserved her Oscar.
Recommened: 8/10