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DCLOUDkid
Reviews
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
Stupid on the outside...
...and brilliant on the inside! I, for some reason didn't see this movie at first because I heard that it was pointless and gross. They were only half true. Actually, make that half of their half.
To the common man who wants the point of a movie spelled out to him so he can tell his buddies about it, will not like this movie because the point of the movie is not what Borat is trying to do for his "country" or "Pa-mella". He is basically criticizing Americans attitudes toward something different or not the "norm" and it's evident by the awkward situations he sets up, the reactions he gets (almost always what he expects i.e. negative), and peoples hatred toward this movie; which is ironically the reaction he was expecting but thankfully there are some people out there who do get it.
The half truth of the truth that I mentioned before is that this movie is kind of gross. Most of the grossness is pretty funny though, excluding the scene that was my least favorite hence the 9 (naked fight), but it did play a part in the "story" so I'll live. I will admit that the black bar over his sh-long was hilarious and couldn't have been done if his wife had made her promise: " ... she would breaka off my c#@k."
Having said that there are too many classic scenes to list and much of it is subtle humor which is part of this movies brilliance, and a gag I sorely miss in a lot of todays in-your-face-over-the-top-so-much-it's-not-funny-movies (i.e. every "spoof" movie after Scary Movie 1&2).
Strange Wilderness (2008)
Why some people went to see this movie and regretted it.
If you're like me you pretty much like every comedy no matter how ridiculous it is. Strange Wilderness is the exception. I wanted to see it because bits and pieces from the commercial looked funny and it had some really funny people in it. I would assume that most people would go just to see the actors in it, but I'll give you a list of the funny people in good movies that were not funny in this bad movie:
Steve Zahn: Saving Silverman anybody? Starring next to Jack Black, they made for a hilarious duo. On the serious side, Rescue Dawn. That movie proved that he really is a good actor and you actually care about what happens to him.
Allen Covert: A bunch of Sandler films, but his starring role in Grandma's Boy is surprisingly hilarious and it's a shame he had something to do with this movie.
Jonah Hill: First I'll start with the small time parts; 40-year-Old-Virgin, Horton Hears a Who (yes), Walk-Hard, Fogetting Sarah Marshall. All small parts yes, but good at least (except maybe Walk-Hard). Big time: SuperBad, Grandma's Boy. Here's where I get angry with him. He can play the most memorable character with almost the best catch phrases in the movie, yet he plays a dumb-s@#t to the extreme in Strange Wilderness.
Kevin Heffernan: Right off the bat he is recognizable from Super Troopers and to some people, Beerfest. Yes he plays a jerk, but at least you like him unlike the little wimp character he plays in this.
Peter Dante: Also in a slew of Sandler movies but every line he says in Grandma's Boy is a classic, while every line he says in Strange Wilderness makes you wish the shark in the movie actually did kill him.
Justin Long: Four good ones off the bat: Waiting..., Dodgeball, Live Free or Die Hard, and Jeepers Creepers. Plays good parts in all of these, and yet he just plays a stoner with a few funny lines that has tattoos on his eyelids that magically disappear for the rest of the movie.
The Good movies these guys have done, might trick you into seeing this movie like it did to me. I only hope that you read this before you waste yours, and possibly someone else's time.
Epic Movie (2007)
The Greatest Movie Ever Made!!!!!
If you fall into any of these categories: 1. Retarded 2. Deaf 3. Crosseyed 4. Have a very low sense of humor or none at all 5. Have never seen any of the movies they are supposedly spoofing 6. Higher than a kite 7. Have only seen this movie and thinks it's the pinnacle of movie making and that anything else is blasphemy.
The final option is that you fall into all of the above, or became that way after seeing the movie (excluding 5 and 7). I say this because side affects like the ones listed above have been known to happen and you should consult your nearest video store and ask for your money back or punch whomever made you watch this even if it was yourself.
I don't know how to stress this enough so I'll put it in all caps: EVERY SINGLE "JOKE" IN THE "MOVIE" WAS HORRID IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. EVERY SCENE WAS FORCED BY THE "ACTORS" AND DID NOT MAKE FOR A PLESEANT VIEWING EXPERIENCE. AFTER EVERY SCENE YOU WILL WANT TO GO BACK THROUGH IT IN YOUR HEAD SO YOU CAN MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAPPENED AND THINK TO YOURSELF "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING, WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?". YOU WON'T EVEN WANT TO MAKE FUN OF IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY WOULD HATE YOU IF YOU MADE THEM WATCH THIS PIECE OF CRAP. THERE IS NO POINT IN GOING OVER A SINGLE SCENE IN THE "MOVIE" BECAUSE NOTHING IS MEMORABLE AND I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO WASTE YOUR TIME ANYWAY.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
First time around was good....
this one not so much. All of the original stuff from the first one is gone. The plot seems to go nowhere for a long time and when it does pick up, it's not good at all. The only reason this movie is somewhat watchable is Eddie Griffin and though he is funny he's not even the main character. Your supposed to "like" the main character, not feel that he's just as unlikeable as the other characters in the movie feel towards him. The only other good part is the burnt dick thing and the new chicks ass, which the movie also needed more of. Don't watch it unless you're choosing between epic movie or some other garbage movie because you might at least get a chuckle out of this one.
Jumper (2008)
Misunderstood by most people.
I'll admit that it wasn't Oscar worthy (hence the 8 out of 10), but I did see this expecting to see a flop which is was most people think it is. I was surprised by how cool the effects were and how I really enjoyed the movie. Hayden could have done a better job, but on the other hand I think he did good with his immature selfish character. He grew up basically by himself and does almost everything by "jumping" and you really see his true self in the first scene of his adult life when he is relaxing in his room. He turns on the TV and sees a disaster happening, knows he can help by using his "jumping" ability, and just turns off the TV like nothing even happened and later goes off to "jump" in the sack with some chick in London. My only complaint is the run time 82 mins or something, but I now know that they set it up as a trilogy and I'm really looking forward to it.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Why?
The Good: 1. Tim Burton 2. Mark Whalberg
The Bad: 1. Tim Burton + 2. Mark Whalberg + 3. The Bad Script = 4. A waste of time and money. The waste of time and money goes both ways. It is a waste of time and money on the behalf of the people who made the movie, and the same goes for people hoping that a Whalberg and Burton hookup might be worth while.
This is what happens when you mix a great director with a good actor, yes Mark Whalberg can act, and a bad script. this should never have gone through if the script was so bad. The only thing that was a little better was the ape outfits, but it couldn't save the movie. Better luck next time to both of them.
The Dark Knight (2008)
I Couldn't Love A Movie Any More Than This!
Hands down the best movie I've seen in awhile that deserved every single advertisement it showed. Everything about this movie was stunning. The only complaints I've cared to listen to about this movie is the 2 and 1/2 hour run time. First off, if you're complaining about the run time you're not truly into the movie like you should be and are instead worrying about other things and decide to place the blame on this great movie for being too long. I personally thought they could have made it longer because I ate up every minute of it. After a "certain" plot twist people thought it would end and leave you hanging for the inevitable third installment. I was fooled too, but thankfully it lasted for another 20+ mins of kick ass action and drama! As you've probably heard, Ledger was amazing! My words won't do his performance justice so do yourself a favor and watch this now and prepare for a character you can't help but love and hate at the same time. R.I.P.
Superbad (2007)
Raunchy, but almost exactly how real teens talk.
And that may seem like a turn off to people (parents in general, but kudos to those who like it) because they don't expect the realism of the characters and their dialog. What people (parents) what to generally see for some odd reason is some High School Musical garbage lifestyle for a teenager which is completely unrealistic.Having said that, a few of the situations do seem unrealistic, but the message of friendship and dealing with life when it doesn't seem to be going as planned is universally understood by all males and surprisingly a lot of cool chicks who can handle the edgy jokes in between.
I don't need a whole lot a space to said what I need to say so I'll give you the gist of it.
1. Almost every teen from 16 to 19 (and most guys for that matter) can probably say "That totally happened to me! It's like they know me!" or "I've had this conversation!"
2. A punch line at every corner, and the jokes never get old.
3. It actually seems to get funnier and not "That was kind of funny...."
4. Can be watched over and over again.
5. Can be considered this generations Brat Pack, if they keep putting out hit after hit like this.
If you don't like constant cussing or sex jokes, then stay away. It's your loss.