pap9 Reviews

Botoks (2017)

A real disaster in already weak Polish movie industry

[2/10 · 10 April 2018]

I just can't imagine how this movie was being so popular in our cinemas (yeah I'm Polish), this is by all means real trash. Let's get some basics straight out:

• the movie states it is inspired by true story - yeah the same can be said for ZOMBIE SS as it is based on real nazis and world war II..
• drinking and corrupt doctors? - yeah there are some bad apples, just like everywhere. You got dirty cops, arsonists firemen etc but the way movie portraits everyone in the capital city of Poland.. it looks like all the doctors there are drunk, rapists, killers, lack morality and messup just every frickin time and doesn't care.
• this movie shows how abortions work - OMFG...people writing reviews saying how this movie is showing the "reality of sad medicine" SHUT THE EF UP..I can imagine ppl that enjoy this kind of movie in cinema are way below certain amount of IQ but please stop spilling the crap. The way doctors and medical staff act in the movie, the way they talk to patients, things they do; this is all just a parody of how it could be. But still, dumb ppl think this is all true and this is how it works. Not to mention how much medically inaccurate the movie is, there is just ton of crap they say and explain but nothing holds true.
• this movie shows how bad child delivery works - again, just like with abortions above. Yeah sometime when you give birth it can get messy, it can get complicated, babies die or get 'damaged' but those are considered mistakes and overall the process is rather professional. What we get in the movie? a doctor comes in and starts pulling baby by head so hard that the whole bed with woman starts to move around the room:D
• the movie touches on a 'touchy' and difficult topic - YES, THIS IS THE ONLY THING THIS MOVIE DOES NOT MESS UP. Doesn't matter what is your opinion on the topic of abortion, IVF and all things around those; the topic is still hot in Poland and questions morality, religion and own beliefs. The movie is basically about 4 women that all work in medical business (either doctors, paramedics, pharma) and their lifes' dilemas 3 of them have something to do with pregnancy/abortion so this is kinda a big focus of the movie. I'm not saying this movie is doing this right, I don't say the movie is right or wrong. That is because the movie itself doesn't state a specific opinion about that topic. It just shows it and let you think for yourself. HOWEVER I think that the way movie presents the topic and characters is neither helping the discussion nor giving any specific angle towards it. IT IS JUST SO BAD...

And the main issue with the movie: Technically it's terrible. Acting from most of the actors is pure gold rare#1 blue ribbon crap. Yeah they are some decent and popular famous actors and they are OK in here. But mostly the film is filled with characters that are played by terrible actors and it just shows so much. Secondly the writing and overall story. It's boring to hell, dialouges are terribly written, not engaging, you don't care for the characters at all. You just want the movie/story to end, and when it does end nothing happens. No big finale, no moral lesson learned, it just stops at a certain point in time and lives of the characters and you absolutely doesn't care for anybody in the movie. The movie is also filled with tons of "comic relief" and sitcom scenes. They can be considered funny, but not funny funny. Rather "borat funny" and i assume nobody is expecting that from a movie that tries to pose as a legit story with tough topics. Although these parts of the film keep you stuck to the screen as they generate a real cringefest, you still can't forget how much crap the movie is.

V/H/S (2012)

Great idea, great stories but.. the bond is missing!

[7/10 · 1 November 2012]

I am always skeptical about horrors that try to be as real as it is possible and yet still look as fake as God merciful only knows. I but got a hunch that maybe this will be something different and fresh. Something not like 'Paranormal Activity' which for some reason is stealing all the credit (regarding modern horrors) whereas it's only as scary as taking a dump with no light in the toilet. The movie is (spoiler free, no worries) about some guys visiting some place with lots of VHS tapes and they decide to check them. We switch between this 'main story' (about guys watching VHS tapes) and stories that are on the tapes in a fashion like: main story->VHS->main story->VHS... To be clear, we don't switch mid-stories during VHS tapes. Stories themselves are great in my humble opinion. They are exactly how all this 'paranormal-kind' movies should look like. We get to see some real nasty scenes, some ACTUAL paranormal stuff that can be scary (I personally wasn't scared at all while watching either Paranormal series or this movie), if you were scared only a little bit while watching Paranormal series you will be scared pooless while watching this flick. It's like a real horror movie back to its roots. Overall quality of the segments/tapes is quite good if not very good. Shaky camera is a must nowadays but it's not as painfully to watch as in other movies. You don't get the feeling that the camera operator is shaking it more than he should, everything is finely moderate in here and not forced. Acting, voice, sound quality is very good, static effect from VHS tapes is not fake and gay..I mean fake and huge. IT LOOKS REAL NOT OVEREXAGERTED! That is a big plus for this movie. Each tape shows completely different story not connected by anything. Also those stories have no connection with the main story (dudes watching tapes in a house) too. And here is where it get a little bit tricky while rating this movie. Single stories are great, but the overall movie consists of multiple stories and tries to bond them by this main story arc. This the only thing that seems forced, it looks like they made those short horror stories and then they wanted to connect them somehow and it is SO MUCH not working for the whole movie. Think of 'Four Rooms' it was a similar idea, we have 4 rooms 4 different stories, directors, writers, actors. But all of them have something that bonds them with each other. It's Ted (the bellhop boy) and the hotel and it works for those stories. Here we have 5 stories (6 if you count the main story) and their only connection is that they are recorded on VHS tapes and stored in one house. It's not enough movie... not enough. BUT STILL! a good try. Especially that the producers tried to do something different. I'm no big ass producer but I think that if they would just try to make those stories completely separate and scrap the main story, then it would be much better. If you can't think of a great bond, linkage between them then just make them like a real anthology that just represents some stories. I think it would have scored more warmly appeal that way. However I was entertained when I was watching the flick and I recommend it to every horror fan. For me the stories on tapes were what make this movie great, it really shows how all those modern 'quasi-documental' horrors should be made- "It's a horror movie, make it a little bit scary, moving doors and objects won't scare any1 now!" It won't scare you but it's a nice fresh air in the genre.

Wirus (1996)

Great laughs for little money

[8/10 · 9 July 2011]

What can you expect from this movie? Very little and a lot at the same time. It's a Polish production from the 90s and I am from Poland so I can tell you a little about this movie comparing to the rest of Polish productions. First of all here at Poland we focus on making really bad movies, you can count the good ones on one hand (well maybe two hands). But there is a genre in Polish cinematography, you can call it a Polish B movies (that's not a real name btw I just named it that way for the ease of understanding). What are Polish B movies? They are usually an action movies with HUGE amounts of bad language, black humor, nude famous Polish actresses (when they were not that famous like nowadays), bad special fx and horrible acting and don't we forget about a corny story. Good examples of these movies are "Psy". These movies are not very well rated even in the eyes of Polish critics but... There are fans of zombie movies, b movies, exploitation movies from USA and in Poland we also have a little "cult" to follow. Some ppl just love this kind of movies. Hell, I love this movies and always cry at the end of "Psy 2"

"Wirus" is one of these movies. The story is pure crap, it's about a programmer/hacker/cracker who writes viruses and those viruses crash many important systems in Poland (stocks exchange, airlines, railways etc). First of all it's year 1996. It's the year when richer Polish families started to buy their first PCs (sth around Pentium I 166Mhz). So as you can assume we knew nothing about computers then :D and we make a movie about a hacker designing viruses:) I just watched this movie and I laughed my ass off real hard. All the computer stuff they do in this movie is just hilarious. Someone wrote in another review about "plot holes" and nonsenses. Well.. that person sounds like he/she was expecting another "Pianist" movie and have no sense of humor. There is very little of any action scenes, just some shooting and fighting, no big deal. Another gem (apart from hilarious tech scenes) are the nude scenes, of course it only matters to ppl from Poland. Because it would be funny only to us when there is a scene with a famous Polish soap opera actress having hardcore sex.

In the end I only recommend this movie if you are interested in some funny computer stuff scenes (making a game out of MS PAINT or MS PAINT designed programs), they steal the show. But if you want to watch it for the story I say "put this away slowly..". If by any chances you are Polish reading this, GO WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW! :)

Faster (2010)

Greatly underrated movie, you will be shocked!

[9/10 · 24 February 2011]

A good friend recommended me this movie when I asked him 'hey, give some good dynamic title to kill the night'. He thought for some time, gave me some titles and after a while he just said 'faster.. you gotta see this, ditch anything else I said earlier'.

So I quickly grabbed it and start watching. At first I was like 'nah this another dumb THE ROCK movie with no story just pure action and crappy acting'. But then I saw the opening credits and there was no THE ROCK, there was only Dwayne Johnson. 'What the heck...' and that is where I started thinking that maybe this movie will be different. After some cliché moments and dialogs in the first scenes I wanted to laugh and doesn't treat this movie seriously. Boy, was that a mistake. I recall only 2 cliché things in this movie (I won't say which for spoiler-freeness) which put a little smile on my face and made me say 'oh rock.. you're such a bad-ass..'. After that the whole movie blow me inside out.

First of all you got 3 main characters in this movie. Well it's usually too much for this kind of movie to have this much main characters, obviously only one will get proper development right? WRONG! All 3 of them get almost even development, I was really shocked. Their story, their motives and actions it's all greatly written and explained.

Secondly, the story is very good. I don't want to use word 'great' but it is great:) For such a movie (a forgettable action/crime flick) I didn't expect something such original and well written. No huge plot holes, it has a beginning middle and ending. One thing one could wish fore? Split movie into 2 movies to make it longer :) If they managed to create a genuine story which attracted me so much, what would they come up with if they could make 2 movies? And lastly, acting. On this field I also lowered my expectations but the acting was great. Wonderful supporting cast helps a lot. I was worried that Rock would drag this movie down but he has just a few lines so he couldn't crash it. The moment where he talks are good, you don't get a feeling that a wooden puppet plays in this movie. And the moments where he just acts with his body, his face? Also great..

Overall I put this movie in my BEST list, it really deserves it!