Change Your Image
joshmorgan
Reviews
Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)
In CGI Space - Nobody Can Hear Your Boredom...
Pinhead in space! Hey - it worked for the Leprechaun. You know you're in trouble when a once reputable horror franchise throws a "katching" sound effect at you before the opening titles. The plot, dealing with the history of those responsible for the notorious puzzle box, is sadly done in relatively cheap flashbacks (with limited sets). Most of the (surprisingly minimal) gore is unnecessary (such as the autopsy of a body for no apparent reason), and the now cut-rate CGI box looks incredibly lame. Also, the conclusion - where a space station folds into a giant puzzle box - left my forehead bruised, as I smacked it in disgust. The worst of the theatrical entries. You may just want to skip ahead to Hellraiser: Inferno, as it's a pretty decent little thriller. Directed by everyone's favorite pseudonym, Alan Smithee.
Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader (2012)
Giant amounts of fun...
Ahh - here's another flick - that (much like "Girls Gone Dead") some people can't seem to enjoy for whatever reason. Is today's generation too serious? Not every movie needs to deliver a deep philosophical undertone and dark punch-line.
Growing up on things like Joe Bob Briggs and all things 80's (and pushing 40 myself) - how could I resist a movie that features Ted Raimi; John Landis; Treat Williams; Sean Young; Roger Corman himself and even a (hilarious) cameo from John Landis?
This flick is a nice satire on "Attack of the 50ft Woman" - and includes some memorably campy moments - and gobs of female nudity.
On the downside - some of the effects work is pretty bad - and NOT in a good way - which; surprisingly made the viewing experience a bit worse (as opposed to the usual cheese which heightens the B movie experience).
Either way - it's good to see popcorn movies like this are still being made - and I hope there continues to be an audience for good old fashioned fun. I can't take anymore "reality-based" PG-13 horror flicks and torture porn diatribes.
Surprised this one slipped under the radar - but I was lucky enough to catch in on Netflix.
Recommended.
Girls Gone Dead (2012)
Girls Gone Campy...
Caught this one on Netflix and was more than pleasantly surprised. However - based upon the divided love-it-or-hate-it comments on there and the low rating on here - it's a shame to see today's generation can't seem to have fun with the type of movies I grew up on. This is a nice throwback to stuff like the "Sorority House Massacre" series - with lots of in-jokes (check out the names from "Saved By the Bell" - or a direct reference to "Halloween" in the first pool scene - or even Linnea Quigley applying make-up ala "Night of the Demons"). This movie delivers lots of cheesy gore effects (I mean that in the best possible way) - and has a great B movie cast full of horror veterans (B and C grade); washed up celebrities and up-and coming names from bigger flicks (I knew I recognized the dumb girl of the group - she had a substantial role in "Sex Drive"). Even the drummer from Iron Maiden shows up to sing country (stay through the closing credits).
Scrolling through reviews on here - I saw one person complain this movie was intentionally bad - and would have been better played straight. I couldn't agree less. Most of the films this is throwing back to did the same thing; so this keeps the general tone to that of other camp classics. Good news is - the production team actually worked on making a nice looking movie - with a moving camera and solid sound mix - so; unlike most low-budget dreck I weed through - the production values add as opposed to detract from the end product.
If you like stuff with campy dialog; exploitive nudity and buckets of over-the-top gore - definitely check this out. If you don't - move on.
On a side note - the reason for such a high rating are for three scenes in particular. One involves the midget from Howard Stern - the other is a nice joke on MC Hammer during the bar sequence - and the biggest of all is how the killer is taken down. These moments alone are B movie gold and worthy of a replay.
The biggest negative is the film sinks a bit under it's own length - showing that sometimes there is too much of a good thing - but aside from this little caveat - here's a B movie treasure that delivers.
Dreamcatcher (2003)
A convoluted mess...
Is this picture a drama? Coming of age tale? Horror story? Who knows, as director Lawrence Kasdan ("The Big Chill") jams ingredients from past Stephen King successes into a blender, hits puree, and comes up with a cold bowl of gruel. Unintentionally hilarious scenes include a character inhabited by an alien who suddenly speaks with a British accent, an off screen - sound effects only - helicopter crash, and the most under lit opening in cinematic history. It's shocking that the fairly A list cast agreed to this mess. It must have been due to the director's past successes and the current pedigree of Stephen King adaptations at the time (with movies like "Dolores Claiborne" and "Shawshank Redemption" being critical darlings).
Crocodile 2: Death Swamp (2002)
Ouch...
While the first movie was no masterpiece - it at least TRIED to be entertaining. This Tobe Hooper-less sequel finds a bevy of plane crash survivors who are hunted by killer crocs. I'd go on further, but a self-defense mechanism kicked in (meaning - my brain erased the memory of watching this immediately after completion). Hey, at least I'm honest - which is more than can be said for the producers. There's not even a crocodile in the film! Just the occasional close up of a snout and tail. From the director of the far superior Spiders (the 2001 movie - NOT the remake). This is one of those straight to video titles that helped put Trimark out of business (hence their catalog is now being distributed by Lions Gate).
Scary Tales: The Return of Mr. Longfellow (2003)
As a Felissa Rose fan I wasn't disappointed...listen to the commentary!
I've followed Felissa Rose's career for quite some time now. "Sleepaway Camp" is about my favorite horror flick of all time. Over the years, she's done some no budget dreck. However, flicks like "Horror" and "Satan's Playground" show she's coming back.
In the middle of her slump, she starred in this low (almost no) budget feature. I assumed the worst, as it never seemed to be released. I finally found a copy at the Chiller con in New Jersey...dumped in the middle of a table with about five thousand other terrible-looking titles.
So, I popped it in - expecting the worst.
What I got was a surprise.
A movie with so many tone shifts - "scary" (which it never really is) to "funny" (yeah, I chuckled a few times) to "bizarre" back to "silly" and I guess to "scary" again.
Ummm. I'm not sure what the filmmakers were thinking - but, as a change of pace, it kind of worked on me. Unfortunately, Ms. Rose was left with a supporting role in the second segment (the film is an anthology of short stories), and doesn't have much to do. On the bright side, Joe Estevez is a hoot. The big chinned guy from Tango and Cash is also in this too, but like Felissa Rose, doesn't have much to do.
The acting ranges from bad to terrible to great. Joe Estevez is outstanding. The guy who played Longfellow hilarious. The other guy in the noisy suit really fantastic. Other performances don't fare too well...until I heard the commentary where I realized the actors thought they were in a scary film, but the directors new it was a joke. I guess this theory forces you to laugh at them - which is what the filmmakers intended (I hope). The "scariest" thing about these tales is the fact they're so clichéd - and done so on purpose, one would assume.
As for everything else... The score is decent. Effects surprisingly good. Sound excellent. Sets minimal. Wardrobe blah (did everyone in the first segment wear white, or was it my imagination?). The stories, well, so bizarre at times...they kind of work, despite their base core being overly recycled.
I guess, in conclusion, as far as low budget cinema is concerned, this is high up in terms of production values. It's fun, for sure. Never really slow. I can't say it's great - but I can say it's different, and better than most stuff collecting dust on the video store shelves. The movie really works because no one camps it up. The "Scary Tales" title is more like "Scary Movie", whereas the tales are only scary to the person in the film hearing them and a joke to the audience.
In the end, I guess I'm glad I bought this thing. I'd try to find the original, but that may take another 2 years (and there's no Felissa!).
As for Felissa, here's to Return to Sleepaway Camp!
Horror (2003)
Not usually an art-house fan, but...
I enjoyed this film for the most part. It was a decent surprise.
Was nice to see Felissa Rose in a film with a decent budget again (although her part here was beyond limited).
The visuals would be the main factor in recommending this flick. The atmosphere is moody and surreal, and the sets interesting enough to keep your attention.
I guess my main problem with this film, and so many like it, is the fact that it drips with pretension. Too often filmmakers (usually on the independent scene) confuse a pretext with a story, and try to force their point of view through visuals instead of coherency. While the director's next film was more thoroughly watchable (and easier to comprehend), this picture is still a nice change of pace for folks who are tired of mainstream cinema. It looks nice, just seems a little bogged down in it's own pretension.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Love, love, love this movie!!!!!
This is the horror film I've probably seen the most! Yes, it's a Friday the 13th clone, but with an ending so sick, so bizarre, it works on an entirely different level.
When I was a kid, this movie used to scare me. But now, I look back on it with fond memories - and can laugh at the inane wardrobe and poor dialog (all which heightens the fun - it IS a horror movie after all).
The murders are all effective, using first person perspective and appropriately nasty effects.
Looking forward to the fourth entry, Return to Sleepaway Camp, as it is the first true sequel - parts 2 and 3 don't count as they seemed to forget Felissa and cast Pamela Springsteen in the role of Angela.
This is one of the most overlooked horror films of the 1980's, and a true gem.
Make sure to pick up the DVD for a great commentary!