Blue_Rose_Taskmaster
Joined Mar 2022
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Ratings16
Blue_Rose_Taskmaster's rating
Reviews9
Blue_Rose_Taskmaster's rating
Arguably the most boring of all the hellraiser films, this entirely pointless reboot does away with the inescapable feeling of disgust and unease and dark humour of the original hellraiser and its immediate sequel, instead replacing them with a bland, vanilla, uninspired movie. The effects are awful, the story lacks any compelling characters whatsoever (god this needed a Frank so badly), the cenobites look rubbery and comical . It's about as menacing as the video for "Sexy No No No" by Girls Aloud and far less entertaining.
I'm sure there's got to be a decent modern version of hellraiser someone could concoct, but this is not it. David S Goyer manages to fit a skybeam into this script. It's bad. Overall, this adds nothing to the franchise, in fact it's the worst of the franchise in one package; without a compelling human story for the cenobites to be invited into, it devolves into a toothless slasher by numbers. Its just a big yawn of a film lacking even the inventive gore of the originals.
2/10, and it only gets the 2 instead of 1 because I usually like Jamie Clayton in other stuff and she deserves better.
I'm sure there's got to be a decent modern version of hellraiser someone could concoct, but this is not it. David S Goyer manages to fit a skybeam into this script. It's bad. Overall, this adds nothing to the franchise, in fact it's the worst of the franchise in one package; without a compelling human story for the cenobites to be invited into, it devolves into a toothless slasher by numbers. Its just a big yawn of a film lacking even the inventive gore of the originals.
2/10, and it only gets the 2 instead of 1 because I usually like Jamie Clayton in other stuff and she deserves better.
First off, I get it, this is not a show aimed squarely at Tolkien fans who obsess over every element of the LotR appendices and the Silmarillion (more power to those people btw, I'm not one of them but I know several). Instead what we have is a reinterpretation or an abstraction of the events of the second age presented in a style more reminiscent of Jackson than Tolkien, and while that might turn some viewers off (others may be turned off by the slooowwww start) I think the series is all the better for it.
What starts off as a slow, meandering (though visually stunning) story with too many scenes of nothing happening (presumably to establish the world but really, those early episodes are a bit of a drag) becomes quite brilliant about the time a certain event (no spoilers here) happens, and from then on the show really find it's footing so to speak.
What's bad?
The "mystery" of the identity of the stranger, pretty sure everyone knew who they are (although the bait and switch I the season 1 finale was fun).
The Harfoots take FOREVER to actually DO anything, which wouldn't be a problem if this was a show about hanging out with the harfoots (Brilliant performance in particular by Lenny Henry) but their story early on slows thr whole show down.
Basically pacing early on, though byvthe time everything kicks off it's forgivable.
What's good?
The show looks amazing. It makes House of the Dragon look cheap and miserable by comparison. It makes Peter Jacksons Lotr movies look dated. It makes The Hobbit movies look like an amateur school production. It makes marvel movies look like bad comic books. Seriously, this show is Beautiful.
Performances all round in my opinion. While some relationships seem a bit rushed, I get it, story needs to happen but as a whole everyone is giving it 100% even while spouting nonsense Tolkien dialogue.
Action scenes? Incredible. No surfing on trolls and backflipping rubbish here, action scenes are grounded, breathtaking, gritty and violent.
All in all, left me wanting more.
What starts off as a slow, meandering (though visually stunning) story with too many scenes of nothing happening (presumably to establish the world but really, those early episodes are a bit of a drag) becomes quite brilliant about the time a certain event (no spoilers here) happens, and from then on the show really find it's footing so to speak.
What's bad?
The "mystery" of the identity of the stranger, pretty sure everyone knew who they are (although the bait and switch I the season 1 finale was fun).
The Harfoots take FOREVER to actually DO anything, which wouldn't be a problem if this was a show about hanging out with the harfoots (Brilliant performance in particular by Lenny Henry) but their story early on slows thr whole show down.
Basically pacing early on, though byvthe time everything kicks off it's forgivable.
What's good?
The show looks amazing. It makes House of the Dragon look cheap and miserable by comparison. It makes Peter Jacksons Lotr movies look dated. It makes The Hobbit movies look like an amateur school production. It makes marvel movies look like bad comic books. Seriously, this show is Beautiful.
Performances all round in my opinion. While some relationships seem a bit rushed, I get it, story needs to happen but as a whole everyone is giving it 100% even while spouting nonsense Tolkien dialogue.
Action scenes? Incredible. No surfing on trolls and backflipping rubbish here, action scenes are grounded, breathtaking, gritty and violent.
All in all, left me wanting more.
Honestly, no idea what the plot was supposed to be, but a group of very sexy people spend 80 minutes being naked and having sex with each other in the sunshine under the pretence of... meeting up and failing to do so?
There might be somewhere in the region of about 2 minutes of dialogue linking the sex scenes and stringing the plot together, and even those are conducted by nude actors. Tabitha Stevens and Frankie Dashwood pull double duty as two different characters, which means that they are involved in almost every sex scene. Whether this was due to budget/cast constraints or Francis Locke made a decision to go full Lynch is unclear, but kudos to him for it.
Tabitha Stevens looks incredible, her naked body has never looked better and rarely been so gratuitously on display. Frankie Dashwood is incredibly sexy, and the combination of the two in the frequent, lengthy sex scenes. For the genre of softcore nude movies, it's everything you want, and more creators should take note of Lockes willingness to abandon plot, dialogue and clothes in favor of constant nudity and sex in their movies.
There might be somewhere in the region of about 2 minutes of dialogue linking the sex scenes and stringing the plot together, and even those are conducted by nude actors. Tabitha Stevens and Frankie Dashwood pull double duty as two different characters, which means that they are involved in almost every sex scene. Whether this was due to budget/cast constraints or Francis Locke made a decision to go full Lynch is unclear, but kudos to him for it.
Tabitha Stevens looks incredible, her naked body has never looked better and rarely been so gratuitously on display. Frankie Dashwood is incredibly sexy, and the combination of the two in the frequent, lengthy sex scenes. For the genre of softcore nude movies, it's everything you want, and more creators should take note of Lockes willingness to abandon plot, dialogue and clothes in favor of constant nudity and sex in their movies.