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Reviews
My Soul to Take (2010)
Oh, to Hell with the Hipsters...Enjoy the Movie Already!
This is one of those movies that yes, while a bit sub-par for a director known for his pithiness and self-awareness, is nonetheless entertaining in its own right. Let's take Wes Craven's name out of this for a minute and just look at the movie on its own terms. Fully rehashed, basic slasher film? Check. Lacking in the deliberate irony and wittiness of some of the director's early work? Check. Telegraphed killer, slightly predictable ending, token Asian and black guy and egregiously unexplored premise? You Betcha. Does any of this matter to the average teen or twenty-something just looking for a good excuse to justify eating buttered popcorn and sitting on the couch for and hour and a half? You guess.
I'll be the first to tell you: my friends are not auteurs. They're not graduates of film school, none of them have a soul patch and, so far as I know, none drive, own or know someone who drives or owns a hybrid. And last night, as I sat watching My Soul to Take with them, with a bowl of popcorn and microwave taquitos on hand and with the first cool winds of October whistling through the trees outside...this movie became perfect.
Asking a new slasher film -- even one directed by Wes Craven -- to stand up to the tender pretensions of hipsters and wannabe internet film critics is like asking a great white shark to jump through hoops and sing Mack the Knife. No, MSTT isn't as intellectual or introspective as it could have been, but does every movie need to be? Does every movie have to be ironic and pithy to merit praise? MSTT's natural environment is an evening with friends, junk food and beer just as surely as the shark's is water. Take either out of context, lay it in the harsh light of day and it should come as no surprise that it flops around and dies on the dock.
This movie isn't Beethoven, it's The Ramones. It's not the Beatles, it's Lil John. And in the end, it's not Scream...it's My Soul to Take.
So, forget your cynicism and pretensions, get some friends together and just have some fun for 96 minutes of your life. This is exactly the kind of movie which reminds us that happiness isn't in analyzing the moment...it's in living it.
Dolan's Cadillac (2009)
Better than I Thought
As a lifelong reader of Stephen King, I got this on-sale-for-five-bucks-at-redbox movie expecting an epic flop. I didn't even realize they'd made a movie out of what is (I shiite thee not) one of my top 3 favorite Stephen King stories of all time, but I saw it had Christian Slater and Blackheart from Ghost Rider and...gravy.
Honestly, I bought the movie thinking that Slater was the protagonist, so imagine my shock when I found out he was playing Dolan. When I read the story as a kid, I think I imagined Dolan as more of a Robert DiNiro, Al Pacino or even Mickey Rourke. Given those biases, I really had a hard time buying Slater as Dolan. At first. However, I really saw him come into his own in those scenes where he's looking at the girls, the very end in the Caddy and some of his sleazier moments. Still, I think that Slater was a little too young-looking to portray a gangster.
I'll agree with most other reviewer's assertions that the last third was the best part. But I will add that even if the rest of the movie completely sucked, it was still worth it to see those two play out the final scene that Stephen King painted years ago. The scenes where Richardson stood screaming at his shredded gloves was right out of my imagination. Fantastic.
In short, I give about 15 minutes of this movie a 4 and the rest a 9, so it averages out to an eight. Definitely worth the $5 I paid for it by easily a factor of four.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)
A Spoof Too Far
Man, I really wanted to like this movie, and I hate the fact that I didn't. I feel like an a-hole saying that, since I'm normally the one telling people to suspend their disbelief, laugh at themselves and try to enjoy a good satire; but this isn't one. I love Reilly and Apatow, but to me "Walk Hard" was a crass spoof on a number of decidedly unfunny events.
Most notably, I think that Apatow's ill-executed machete fight was a god-awfully tasteless way to address the tragic death of Cash's brother. We're not talking about Scary Movie (which spoofed fictional characters and events) or even real-life people who did themselves in with a drug overdose; Jack Cash was a real little boy who was pulled into a table saw while trying to help his father pay the mortgage, and he suffered in fully conscious agony for a week before he died. That haunting note you hear in Johnny's lyrics are the result of decades of nightmares, guilt and being made to believe he was a worthless child who had shattered the family. Jesus Christ...what would you sound like?
I'm not laughing. Are you? Or, maybe you think it might be funnier to be a blind, black, 15-year-old orphan in 1945, trying to put your life back together after the death of your mother.
If either of those things happened to most people in this day and age, they'd spend the rest of their lives eating themselves to diabetes, developing neuroses and whining that they were out of Xanax (again).Is it any wonder that Ray or Johnny developed serious drug addictions, or that they wrecked their lives and marriages with self-destructive behavior? These "musical biopics" exists for a reason; to teach us that anything can be overcome if you've got the will and motivation to do so. Personally, I find Walk Hard (while it does have it's moments) to be an incredibly insensitive and insulting example of humor gone wrong.
Hey...heard any good holocaust jokes lately?
Highlander: The Source (2007)
Another Sci-Fi Crapstorm
God Almighty, when did Sci-Fi start outsourcing their scripts to sixth grade English classes? Obviously it's not a recent thing; Sci-Fi (or SyFy or whatever the hell they're calling themselves now) has been producing complete sh*t for the last ten years, I'm just curious as to exactly when and why it started.
Is it just me, or does it seem like Sci-Fi's recent movies are almost willfully awful? For a network that bears the name, this one sure seems to love insulting the genre they represent. I'm beginning to wonder if Sci-Fi's writers' union has an Equal Opportunity provision for those with Down's Syndrome.
Here's a tip from me to the company: stop producing every piece of crap that crosses your desk just because you need something to fill air-time. Hell, if you want someone that can pump out a decent script once a month, try offering internships to a few college film students and then have them assistant-direct the thing. I can promise you that you'll get it done cheaper and better than you are now.
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)
A Fun Throwback for Cold War Kids
Go way back to page ten of this review section, and work your way back up. Go ahead; I'll wait.
Done? Well, then you've probably noticed the same trend that I have. You could nitpick all day long about the lame jokes, dated timing and obviously derivative plot points and shtick in 'Bogus', but this movie seems to be one of those 'hate me now, love me later" flicks.
Bill and Ted's biggest problem was that the original appealed to those 80's kids who followed the tends and considered themselves on the cutting edge of fashion. That worked fine for the original, but obviously bombed in 1991, when no self-unrespecting slacker would be caught dead wearing anything but flannel or admitting he liked anything about the 80's. As Ted would put it: "Dude, this is a totally deep hole. Wanna play 20 questions?"
They say nostalgia goes in 20 year cycles, and that certainly seems to be the case here. Here in 2010, those of use who grew up with Cindi Lauper and Megadeth are beginning to look back to appreciate some of those pivotal films that (like it or not) made us who we are. If you're one of those who look at 'Bogus' as if it were an outdated ("Fa gs!") ripoff, then you're missing the point and probably spent six years growing facial hair, wearing flannel and looking like you just crawled out of bed.
In self-referencing its own origins (the Star Trek episode" and and time traveling with a phone booth), B&T makes no attempt to hide its creators' love for homage. Quentin Tarantino, anyone? I'm not saying 'Bogus' is 'True Love,' but I do think it needs to be appreciated for what it is: a fun snap-shot of our society at a time before child psychology, Ritalin, anti-smoking ads, terrorist paranoia and the proliferation of media fear-mongering.
So, for all of you B&T haters out there...turn off your Screaming Trees CD, get that hair out of your face, go to the beach and lighten up. Narcissistic depression and intellectual ennui are SO corporate.