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Rock Rock Rock! (1956)
Tuesday Weld can't save this stinker
A young Tuesday Weld making her film debut is the only reason to watch this film.
This is a truly bad film, little more than an excuse to publicize some new rock singers and bands in an effort to launch this new musical genre, strung together with a bare-bones script. Most of these groups are long-forgotten, and if some of the songs chosen are a fair representation, for good reason. Little Tuesday did her best with a lousy script, and the camera loved her even at 12, which she was when filming began, but no one could have salvaged this. In fact, many of the songs picked for this film are so lousy, you wonder how Rock & Roll didn't crash and bun even before it took off.
It is good for laughs. And, if you were a fan of Tuesday Weld in later decades, as I was, it is fun to see her film debut.
Youth Aflame (1944)
Teensploitation... AND a Drum Solo!
No 70s rock concert of teensploitation movie is complete without a drum solo.
If teenage sisters--a good sister and a bad sister--a teenage gangster's moll, lingerie, stilted, preachy dialogue, outdated sexism, plenty of "swell" and girls with guns isn't enough to grab your attention, how about a drum solo?
A girl wakes up in the hospital and launches us into flashbacks explaining how she got there. Bad sister is dating an adult man who just happens to be a gangster. His hoodlum buddy wants to have a foursome with the younger, good sister involved, but that may have had a different meaning in the 40s. What is clear he has the hots for the younger girl. Bad sister seems to think corrupting her innocent sis is A-okay. Her virginity is saved in the nick of time, but the two girls end up in a pajama catfight.
All in all, this is a lame teensploitation film, but if you like cheesy camp, it is slightly fun.
Charlie's Angels: To See an Angel Die (1980)
They should nave named this episode Plot Holes
To be fair, with a plot this thin, holes must be natural.
When run off the road and menaced by the obviously disturbed Dad, Kris ignores the gun in her purse until they are chasing her around the car. When Kris is missing, these 3 professional detectives all pile in a Caddy convertible and drive around aimlessly with a self-professed psychic just because she says Hansel & Gretel is important. Why didn't they spilt up, with some searching in more traditional, detectivey ways? Sand pouring from a moving truck would not leave the solid trail shown. The nitwit son role was apparently written for a tween boy, not an adult man. The Graingers have been "looking for" Kris for a year, but instead of leaving the Big Island, perhaps to look for her on the mainland where she lives, they waited until she shows up in Hawaii--and somehow are waiting for her at the aeroport when she arrives. Perhaps they have been looking for her 27/7 at the arrivals gate? And isn't rope or handcuffs to bind captives available in the Aloha state?
Perhaps most unforgivable, the producers fly the Angels all the way to Hawaii and don't take the opportunity for a little beach time in bikinis before Kris is kidnapped?
Orphans of the Storm (1921)
Who Knew it was the Bolsheviks?
I could write this entire review just dealing with the historical inaccuracies and gaffes in this film. But, to do so would be to miss the entire point of the movie.
This is not a documentary or history, this is an historical melodrama, a piece of entertainment--and an ambitious one, at that. And there this film succeeds. No, the Bolsheviks were not storming the Bastille, but leave the ham-fisted effort to transfer the then-current anti-Bolshevik hysteria aside and enjoy the movie. There is no test, just let the ambition and scale of this movie, the grand sets, the gorgeous though historically dubious costumes draw you in. This is where the film succeeds--where it was meant to.
A Florida Enchantment (1914)
A Different Kind of Florida Man
Remember when Florida was an LGBTQ-friendly vacation spot? Seems so long ago.
This early comedy took on gender roles in a fun and daring way over a century ago. This early feature comedy pokes fun at gender roles in what must have been a daring film for its day. The use of white actors and actresses in blackface is challenging now, but the views of early 20th-Century Florida help make up for it. Filmed on location in Florida from Fort St. Augustine to Silver Springs when the Florida tourism industry was in its infancy, it is easy to see how much the state has changed in the intervening 110 years.
But, perhaps the most fun, is the juxtaposition of current politics in the state with this early satire of gender more than a century be before.
Eyes of Fire (1983)
Stylish Colonial American Horror Gem
Why have I never heard of this movie?
I must have missed it when originally released, and appears to have languished, forgotten in the 4 decades since, because this little gem deserves to find its audience. The enchanting story draws you in, and some admirable attention to historical details and vernacular add authenticity. The cinematography is beautiful and moody, and the cheesy 1980s special fx lend a charm.
There are only a handful of good horror films set in this period of American history, which is odd. In fact, the colonial period is underused in films of any genre, and this makes it stand out even more than its story. This is an underappreciated period piece in its own right, and the added folk-horror story line make this one you should put on your watchlist today.
Superseven chiama Cairo (1965)
Bad, James Bad
The most remarkable thing about this Italian James Bond knockoff is how astoundingly bad it truly is. If it is a spoof, someone forgot to tell the filmmakers that a spoof is supposed to be funny. If it was intended to be serious, they failed in epic proportions. Filled with cliches and tired tropes, it is devoid of witty dialogue what stands out most is its utter lack of originality or creativity. The characters lack motivation, most of the actors appear to be performing under duress, as if their loved ones are being held hostage to force them to participate in this slop. Fight scenes have choreography stiff as the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer. This film leaves the viewer not only feeling cheated, but literally being dumber for having watched it. On the positive side, some of the cinematography is good, notably the police chase scene, and highlights the exotic locales used in the film well.
The Tomb of Nosferatu (2023)
Ambitious and Fun!
In this homage to the 1922 F. W. Murnau classic Nosferatu, a husband and wife travel to Germany to visit the graves of the director and stars and the filming locations. While there, they encounter a mysterious presence mirroring the star of that film, Max Schreck.
This modern silent film is a must for fans of the original which captures much of the feel of a silent-era horror film, using colored stock black and white film and interspersing shots from the original film. While based on the earlier film, it takes the characters into a modern-ish present, capturing some of the myths surrounding the film, bringing a new form of evil from celluloid film into a modern reality.
Chimipja (2020)
Interesting thriller
Let's start off by saying this is almost certainly the best movie ever made containing a character named Bum-Suk.
A brother ignores Mother's warning to hold onto his little sister's hand when they go to the playground. The sister vanishes without a trace. 25 years later, the brother is a father himself, and a widower, his wife having been killed by a hit-and-run driver. A mysterious woman appears, claiming to be his long-lost sister, but he has his doubts, even with the DNA match.
Sister tries everything she can to convince him, but when he catches her in a lie, his suspicion grows, even as his family blindly accepts her story. She even tries seducing him, but to no avail. He knows something is wrong.
This film leaves a lot of loose threads and the motivation is sketchy, at best, but it is entertaining.
Ingagi (1930)
Truly bad film
Where do I start?
If you can make it through the senseless slaughter of animals--lions, rhinoceros, hippopotamus, elephant--all now endangered species thanks to the gratuitous big game hunting shown on screen, as well as the dull narration (there is no spoken dialogue in the entire film), at the end of this fake documentary comes the big let-down.
Billed as a horror film, the only horrors other than killing magnificent wild animals, is the implied human-ape sex and resulting hybrid humanoids shown in the last few minutes.
Perhaps this was more shocking 93 years ago than it is now, and this early talkie perhaps inspired better films, such as King Kong. But the real horror is watching big game hunters shooting animals for their entertainment and to entertain theater audiences.
Red Skins and Red Heads (1941)
The title says it all...
Some films fail to pass the test of time, and the offensive title clues you in that this is one of them. In fact, the title reveals what you can expect in this dated and dull short.
Well, except the redheads, which may or may not appear in this black and white film--it is impossible to tell.
The western swing music is not bad, but even top musical talent would have failed to save this stinker. It is predictable, dull, and is missing a key element for a comedy film: comedy. It is no wonder the women playing girls in this film are uncredited, because even when this was made, it must not have been the type of thing an aspiring actress wanted her name attached to.
The Strange Affair of Uncle Harry (1945)
Smoldering tension with a soggy ending
A milquetoast bachelor from a prominent family lives in his family mansion with his sisters: matronly older sister, Hester, and sexy but sickly younger sister, Lettie. They have spent their lives in their small, New Hampshire town. After inheriting the house from their parents, the sisters dote over their brother, a fabric designer at the local mill. Lettie has been suffering from what appears to be a severe case of Munchausen syndrome, causing the family members' roles to blur. The sisters coddle Harry like a little boy, while also regarding him as man of the house, more like a father figure or husband.
When a beautiful young co-worker turns Harry's head, it sends the Quincey house into turmoil. Lettie has learned to tolerate sharing her brother with their older sister, but she is no romantic rival. Harry's new girlfriend is.
The last half-hour is a bit of a letdown. After Lettie gets what she wants, Harry's response is hard to fathom. Rather than enjoying the delights of home Lettie offers, Harry gets all passive-aggressive. Then, to get this naughty tale past the censors, the filmmakers had to pull a trick on the viewers which, frankly, falls flat.
It is still quite an enjoyable film, particularly the smoldering intensity between Lettie and Harry. I just wish they had the guts to give this the ending it deserves.
The Sawmill (1922)
Watch the stunts!
This comedy short contains some fantastic stunt work. I wish I knew how many were done by the actors and which were done by the uncredited stunt performers, but while the film is filled with familiar gags and features an early appearance by Babe Hardy--better known as Oliver Hardy after his partnership with Stan Laurel--the real star of this film is some amazing stunt work. From massive falling trees barely missing the performers to high dive and one amazing double rope swing, these amazing stunts are worth watching just to enjoy for their own merit.
Overall, not a bad film, but just sit back and marvel at the work of stunt men (and perhaps stunt women) long before the days of CGI and all the safety procedures we have a century later.
Nervosa (2019)
Real or imagined?
This disturbing short film took a while to sink in. A woman is holed up in an isolated mobile home with two women: a fit, drill-instructor-type who puts her through painful calisthenics and watches every bite of food she eats, and a thick, fun-loving woman who taunts her to binge on junk food, which Jade then vomits in a cycle.
Or, is she?
Is this a real situation or is this a depiction of the duality of nature a person with an eating disorder suffers with?
I am not sure if this is real or a depiction of Jade's internal battle, but whichever the case, this is well done and well worth viewing.
The Legend of Lucy Keyes (2006)
Decent idea
The basic story has significant promise It is based upon the actual disappearance of a young Massachusetts girl in 1755. There is plenty to work with: a local ghostly legend, a family curse, family secrets, greed, an ancient property dispute brought into modern times.
A story of modern greed, outsiders drawn into an insular town, a grieving mother unsuspecting their family has bought cursed ground. Add in ghosts and the hint of possession and you seem to have all the elements for a great horror film.
Yet, something is lacking. This film never lives up to its premise. It is a decent film, but never gets scary enough to be horror, and the end bursts on you so quickly the history-repeating angle gets thrown in right at the end. Enjoyable, but disappointing in that it fails to live up to its possibilities.
Curse of Bigfoot (1975)
The curse is on the viewer
This truly insipid, amateurish film raises an existential question: why?
I was told if I can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
If you wanted to watch a film about Bigfoot, this is not that film. Despite its name, Bigfoot is almost entirely absent from this film. When he does appear, he is wearing a mask off the clearance rack at the Dollar Store.
It moves so slow you'd swear the curse is to be doomed to watching it for an eternity. The hapless amateur actors who appear in this movie were given a nonsensical mishmash of throw-away lines of useless dialogue, which the filmmakers interspersed with scenes of intense inaction. The plot itself, if one can be so kind as to call it a plot, consists of a nonsensical mishmash of poor archaeology, fictional native American lore and things which have little to do with Bigfoot.
Don't say I didn't warn you!
The Most Dangerous Game (1932)
Enjoyable old adventure
I finally saw this film 90 years after it was made. What a pleasant surprise to find how well this movie has aged!
From the gothic castle to the dimly lit jungle scenery, this film captured an awesome dark, spooky vibe I felt watching the old horror films on late-night TV as a kid. Technically, the dark jungle hunt scenes may be too dim, but after a few minutes, it just begins to feel right.
And it is this feel that allowed me to overlook the film's flaws, from the poor Russian pronunciation to the predictable melodrama. This adaptation of the O. Henry classic story is done right, and a true Hollywood early classic!
Dream No Evil (1970)
70s psychological thriller.
I wanted to like this film more than I did. Sadly, the grindhouse filmmaking missed more opportunities than it took.
Brooke Mills carries this little film with her mesmerizing beauty. I simply could not take my eyes off her. Her performance is good, as is that of Edmond O'Brien as her father. But although the basics of a decent story are there, the script left so little to work with that they relied upon her mere presence onscreen. Great as that may be, it simply is not enough.
This film is a fun diversion and time capsule of the early 70s. Enjoy it for what it is, and try to overlook a weak script and journeyman directing that failed to deliver on what could have been.
The Unwilling (2016)
Evil in a box
Decent premise for this overlooked film. An estranged family gathers to hear what their hated patriarch left each of them. Needless to say, what they receive is not what they anticipated.
The concept has promise, and although I wish it had taken a different direction, it is a fun film. Dina Myers looks amazing and gives a fine performance, as do the rest of the man cast. The acting is good, most of the characters developed and interesting, and the menacing feel of impending doom made me want to see what played out. Although the basic plot was obvious from the start, this genre-bender that kept me watching until the finish with plenty of unpredictable twists along the way.
Why not give it a try?
The Red House (1947)
Strong start, weak finish
This film starts off strong, with a spooky feel, complete with theremin music, haunted woods and an innocent teenage girl. Add in a love triangle with a teenage victim, an older brother inexplicably living with his devoted spinster sister and a mythical red house hidden somewhere in the woods Edward G. Robinson and you have captured my attention.
Unfortunately, the opening promise falls apart in the last third. It goes full melodrama, including unexplained madness and seemingly uncharacteristic behavior. That being said, it is fun to watch, particularly the first hour. I just wish the writer and director had kept the plot going until the end!
Road to Perdition (2002)
Bring your son to work day gone wrong
An excellent, immersive film demonstrating the pitfalls of bring your child to work day. Particularly if your job is with the Irish mafia.
The performances are outstanding, and the atmospheric style transports the viewer to the Depression-era gangland in the Midwest. A definite must-watch if you have not seen it.
Trouble in Paradise (1989)
Sex symbol turkey
Apparently, the filmmakers decided a MILFy Raquel Welch wearing lingerie and a wet, torn dress was sufficient to make this film. What they went with is a middle-age Blue Lagoon. Plot optional.
They even toyed with the audience by putting an actual turkey on the set of this turkey.
Who hasn't daydreamed of being marooned on an island with Raquel Welch and a bottle of Stoli that magically refills overnight? Raquel looks amazing, and that is the entire point of this film. There is literally no other reason to watch this movie. Somehow, it is almost sufficient justification.
Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988)
Why?
It is impossible to understand why they made this film.
Apparently, that is what the filmmakers were thinking, too, as they didn't even try. And their lack of trying is what is inexcusable.
MST3K did it justice.
Tell Your Children (1936)
Stoned Bullet Theory
In a movie with more plot holes than plot devices, there is one which invites closer scrutiny than the others: Mary Lane's murder.
I am not talking about how she goes from being sexually assaulted by Ralph in one shot to unzipping her dress to help him sexually assault her in the next. No, I am talking ballistics.
JFK had the "magic bullet theory", but here there is the Stoned Bullet Theory.
When Jack and Billy are fighting over the gun, Mary is behind themat approximately the 4:00 position. The gun is pointing down when fired, somehow misses the two men hunched down over it, emerging between the 1 and 2:00 positions, then flies in a parabolic trajectory' rising toward the ceiling before diving down to where Mary is lying on the couch, striking her between the shoulder blades from what appears to be a direct angle.
Normally, bullets don't do this. They travel in straight lines [albeit, over long distances, gravity does distort the line of travel slightly down. And wind can affect the trajectory. But this was indoors and over a distance of 10-15 feet, so I discount those factors in this analysis].
The only possible explanation is that this bullet was suffering the effects of marijuana intoxification. This bullet was stoned AF.
This is a subtle point, and the one thing these filmmakers lacked is subtlety, so I do not understand why the film did not hammer this point home. Marijuana cannot only make you schizo--which this film conclusively proves--but it can also make bullets behave as crazy as it makes clean-cut teens act.
Dr. Alien (1989)
Makes you glad no aliens survived the Roswell crash
Even by teen sex comedy standards, this is a stinker. If you like cheese and women exposing their noobies--in several cases, poorly done implants, at that--then maybe this film is for you. Even a lacy lingerie-clad Audrey Landers as the teacher who seduces her student is not enough to salvage this spaceship trainwreck. It is not funny, sexy or interesting, but it is predictable.