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WildBillHorne
Reviews
Baywatch: The Runaways (1995)
Watch the old version because the remaster cuts out all the music.
In this episode the makers of Baywatch have left us a time capsule of 1990's weirdness. The script is like a three legged dog who done drunk up all the moonshine, which is an interesting twist on their standard soap opera style.
A British billionaire puts gorgeous California models in skimpy American flag outfits while psychotic musicians put cheese on salads. The lesson is clear: dance with umbrellas and be nice to the mousy shy girl.
Baywatch: Western Exposure (1994)
Cowboy Cosplay
In this episode we find out that C. J. hates country music, but the tunes are pretty great. Maybe not all the fans were thinking "What this show needs is more country!", but a little line dancing wont kill em. The acting is mildly terrible.
Hobie's love interest relentlessly and hilariously pursues Mitch who is oblivious.
Baywatch: Ironman Buchannon (1993)
the seniors division
In this episode the makers of Baywatch set out to show us that even Pam Anderson can look like hell early in the morning nagging like a nincompoop. Mitch tries to age gracefully and utterly fails. This seems in character for him. His esoteric rejuvenation is fun, but the old lifeguard isn't fully committed. He resists the oil drip. Not exactly sure what we're supposed to learn from this. Maybe don't buy motorcycles from shady dealers in revealing leather outfits.
Baywatch: Tentacles: Part 1 (1993)
spelunking fun
After a few minutes of irrelevant windsurfing and pointless cream soda, we get macho dudes who lose a surfboard and some less than serene shouting about bulimia. Summer's caught between two lovers who apparently decide to feed her to a giant octopus. I don't really understand that part. These lifeguards seem to attract escaped convicts like flies. They should look into the causes of that.
Baywatch: Fatal Exchange (1993)
Kaye Morgan returns
The script makes no sense. Roses, candles, romantic dinner, but they're just friends. The worst way to pull a dog out of the ocean is with a noose around his neck. Nobody thought any of this through. I suppose it doesn't matter. The fans adored the Hoff and loved seeing him overcome evil.
Baywatch: Kicks (1993)
kitchen fight
Ass kicking features so prominently that I think we must conclude that this episode kicks ass.
After seeing young Nicole Eggert in a flannel muscle shirt I may never need viagra again.
Meanwhile Pamela grapples with temptation.
Baywatch: Coronado del Soul: Part 1 (1994)
Terrible Sailor
Matt pulls the old in full view affection with friend trick to keep Summer on her toes. The inflatable love doll rescue goes well. They're headed for Sea World. But first they have to fight a ghost. Oh, My.
Stephanie has the hots for a curly haired Melvin.
Hobie might get a cousin full time because his uncle's a jerk. Buzzy doesn't know that jibing is bad. He's the worst sailor ever. He'd never survive the Pacific solo.
Baywatch: Rescue Bay (1994)
Hollywood
Gregory Alan Williams with a brilliant performance, or rather two brilliant performances. Laughs all round as everything goes wrong for everyone. C. J. Knows she'll be a better Stephanie than Stephanie because Jeff Altman told her so, and she wants the role. Dolph is unforgettable. I thought Garner was married. Well he won't be for long when the old lady finds out about Dawn.