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Reviews
Beware the Woods (2022)
Stay out of the woods!
That's it. I will NEVER go into the woods again. Nothing good ever happens! And if you're going to the woods and see an old lady you better run. It's not worth it. Not worth taking a nice hike in the forest when old evil ladies are lurking about. Go to the beach instead! Worst thing that could happen there is you step on a jelly fish. But that's better than being hunted down by a psychopath old lady who just wants to tear your limbs off one by one. Never go to the woods to propose to your lover either. In fact, marriage should be avoided at all costs. You never know, your wife might be the next old lady killer in the woods!
Lullaby (2022)
For fans of the Crying Baby genre, this is a home run!
My Uncle Jerry is a huge fan of crying baby movies. And he was just absolutely raving about how great this movie is. He wouldn't shut up about it. So finally I caved in and watched Lullaby. And he wasn't joking. During one stretch of the movie, there is about 15 minutes of straight crying baby wails. Just crying and crying. And so realistic! Such shrill ear piercing cries. I just couldn't get enough! Sadly there is quite a bit of parrot squawking from their pet bird which takes away from some of the crying baby screen time. And as the movie goes on there seems to be more jump scares than baby crying which didn't really sit well with me. But it's really hard to find a great crying baby movie these days. So despite some of the movie's shortcomings, if you're looking for a good baby cry, I highly recommend this one!
Boyne Falls (2018)
Action movie done right
Boyne Falls is one of those hidden gems. You are just browsing movies and come across it and give it a shot. My expectations were low but I was pleasantly surprised. The chemistry between the two bros was so good. You root hard for them to be best bros again. While also hoping they don't die. Their intimate struggle to rekindle their friendship and feelings for each other will pull at your heart strings. You can also relate to the villains and their desperate attempt to just keep their drug operation safe. They could have went about it better in hind sight. But they only wanted what was best for their business. The female mob boss reminds me of a feminine Scarface. Bad to the bone! Gripping suspense throughout, non stop action and I will definitely be watching this again at least four more times!
Crawlspace (2022)
A must see movie for all plumbers
My great granddad was a plumber. My grandad was a plumber. My dad was an accountant. I have been torn most of my life between becoming a plumber or an accountant. After watching this thriller of a movie I have finally decided, I will become a plumber! I have always respected the profession but had no idea how epic plumbing could be. Finding hidden loot in the crawl space, making Wolverine style nail claw gloves, making improvised cross bows out of piping. Taking on a whole town of corruption with nothing more than your pride, good looks, and upper tier plumbing skills. Take a seat John Rambo, there's a new plumber in town.
Death Hunt (2022)
One of the best man hunting movies ever
The urge for men to hunt men. A primal instinct since the Dawn of time. That thrill of chasing people through the woods and stalking them down with machine guns. This movie captures that theme immaculately. It reminds me of Surviving The Game. But 1000x better. The chemistry between the man and his mistress is Oscar worthy. Even better than the chemistry between Gary Busey and Ice Tea. The hunters are very good, but no match for the land developer guy and that girl. THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD. The music score is absolutely epic as well. Blasting in our ears as they run through the forests. Reminds me of the Hans Zimmer masterpiece score in Gladiator. I have to take a break after watching this one. The suspense is so thick it hurts me down to the bone. This is what humanity has become. A bunch of animals who want nothing more than to spill the blood of land developers.
The Drone (2019)
Drones have ruined my life
The very real dangers of drones have been an unspoken dark secret for years now. And thanks to this movie people will become aware. Drone obsession has been eating away at society for a decade now. I lost my uncle Gino to a tragic drone accident back in 2018. My brother in law Tito lost his life savings trying to invent a personal massaging drone. A few years back one of my chickens was abducted by a drone. And worst of all, my wife left me once she discovered I was the president of the R/C Flying Aces Drone Club. Too many lives ruined and families destroyed.
This film undoubtedly captures the dangers of drones to perfection. The fight scene between the woman and drone had me on the edge of my seat. For those of you who are squeamish when it comes to drone violence, this may not be the movie for you! But it is certainly an eye opener that all must see.
Alien Origin (2012)
Accurate portrayal of soldiers running through woods
If you enjoy watching soldiers endlessly run through the woods, this movie is for you! There are lots of scenes of soldiers running through the woods. Sometimes their running is frantic, sometimes very cautious. Sometimes they shoot their guns. But usually they are just running through the woods. You will feel like you are right there running with them. In the heat of the pursuit of forest running. Sometimes they see something and stop and check it out. But for the most part they stick to running through the woods. I have always wanted to join the army but will think twice about it now. I had no idea there would be so much running around. A great flick to watch if you enjoy soldiers running. A must see!
Big Legend (2018)
An endearing love story between a Chief and a hunter
A visually stunning tale of two men who meet in the most unexpected way and end up creating a bond for all eternity. Chief was looking for a second chance at love and found it while hiking through the forest looking for answers. Then he comes across the lonely hunter man in the woods, and the chemistry is like a spontaneous combustion. They share many of laughs and embraces by the campfires. Chief realizes that everything happens for a reason. And anything goes when you are deep in the darkened forests.
War of the Worlds: Annihilation (2021)
William Baldwin's best performance yet
William Baldwin plays a tough no nonsense General that completely steals the show! He has many ranking stars and most likely is a six star General from what I could count. By far the best haircut in the movie, and the best acting chops, he really takes control. I also love the use of fog in this movie. It creates a suspenseful mood when needed, and an integral part of the plot. One of the best characters in the movie in my opinion. The leader army woman underwhelms in her enthusiasm for the alien invasion, but makes up for it with her running around skills. All in all, and entertaining movie so buckle up!
The Boat (2018)
Completely changed my view of boats
I decided to watch this film on a whim to learn a little bit more about boats. I was planning on sailing with my wife for our honeymoon this summer and wanted to see how boating is. Well not anymore! After watching this terrifying film about a man and this evil boat I don't think I will step foot on a boat ever again. My wife has now left me once she learned I canceled our sailing honeymoon. I just can't do it now. The thought of being on a boat in the middle of the ocean and having these horrible evil things happen is too much for me to bare. This is a great film but please avoid if you are planning any honeymoon sailing trips in the future.