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10/10
What Fun the Festival Is! The most Fun you'll have!
1 September 2021
"We gather here and join hooves today to take part in the giving of goodness, the reaping of crops, the sewing of futures well-earned, and the living of lives well lived. We gather here, on the hallowed ground of our virgin goddess Peppa the Powerful, for the Festival of Fun." Silence beneath the scorched skies. The Swine stood together. They were all that remained.

There were bags over their heads. Rough sacks stained with soot and farmhouse filth.

Baptisms of mud. They each held their ceremonial knives, forged from pots or perhaps pans, crude metal for a crude function. There was no art in killing, not to them. Instead, it was service. It was duty. And it was honorable. Daddy Pig had the biggest knife and he felt proud whenever it weighed in his hoof, he could feel it thirsting, and all he thought of was Peppa the Powerful.

When the knife thirsted, she hungered.

Had one thousand years passed already?

"Bring out the runt." Daddy Pig said.

And It came as a command, with the strength of thunder and the strike of lighting.

He truly was the God King and it felt good to be the God King. The bagheaded boars and sows, with their sagging fat, their rolls blubbering against each other, and their ornate scarifications dug deep into their flesh, forever raw and forever red, rushed into their shelters of barbed wire and rebar.

They disappeared there. No pain for it was in pain they belonged. There came a shuffling.

They stumbled not when carrying the offering back out.

Little George Pig, the most recent of them, his little body birthed from Mummy Pig.

What a beautiful day that was.

All of these breedings and birthings later and the inspired magic of conception never grew old.

George Pig had been fattened at the golden troph. He had taken part in his daily slop. Drank deep from the troph and always inquired for truth, for something higher, for something beyond the call of a normal life.

So he will have an honorable death.

He had faith indeed. This honorable death would keep the faith.

And Daddy Pig took his knife, performed the rites, and did the ritual. He performed it with pleasure. With the spark of the divine. He was sweating. Breathing heavy. Light and lofty in his mind, his heart, and his spirit. All of him took part in the ritual. He gave all that he was to the moment.. Just like George did.

His body laid still, a flood of his fluids ran like a pure stream through the geometry of black stone trophs laid into the earth. They pooled in a sigil of their house. The visage of Peppa.

Daddy pig smiled. Breathed. The ritual was easy. Every step, an instinct, every movement ingrained in him, like a dance as old as him, a dance as old as time. How he loved to do the dance. He looked over to Mummy Pig in her soiled robes, she too was proud He spoke.. "Rise my eternal daughter, Rise my mother of all. Rise my goddess." And rise Peppa did.

She rose hungered, thirsting, for a worthy offering, for the George of this age. A squeal, a snort, a smack of lips. Nothing remained of George.

Just like that the Fun had been had.

Then the smell of summer and flowers and joy. Trees came from the earth. Flowers came from the earth. The sun shone bright. Everything did. All was well. They all took off their robes and bags. Put on their dressed and shirts. The sky was blue, it was not red. The world appeared simple and happy. Easy for now. Brought from the brink of oblivion. The Restoration complete. Thank you George.

The fun had ceased.

And for one thousand years more, life would go on.

One thousand years, Daddy Pig dreamed.

The Festival would come again. Then and only then would the Fun be had.
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Barnyard (2006 Video Game)
10/10
The Best We Can Be Is Bovine, A Glimpse of Mankind's Future
31 August 2021
I've dreamt of this day for lifetimes. I've dreamt of placing the disk in the mouth of the system and watching slide away. I've dreamt of the title screen. I've dreamt of the life and times of the sacred cow since I was young. That cow's name is Otis. I've dreamt of the future. I will tell you of this time, this time so far away. Believe me or don't believe me, it will not change what is to come. Nothing can. Nothing will. Otis, by today's standards, is irresponsible and reckless but in this fabricated future, when mankind has perfected the once inconceivable intricacies of reality, the little incongruities of the natural word, the highs and lows of sentience, the burdens and Levities of being, Otis is a vessel for universal human will and the power therein. This world within a disk is as infinite as the lives we live. Otis a cow beyond, gender, race, ethnicity, all separations cease to exist with them. They are unity. In their oneness they are a being of utter power and infinite potential. And You are privileged to be enlightened and placed in experience of Otis. And you convene with your pantheon of fellow unstoppable beings, standing upright in the height of their awareness.

But only Otis embodies the chosen player.

Only Otis is empowered by us. Mankind.

The chosen kin of our world.

Forget the other beings. They do not deserve like we do. This "game" is one of the many futures mankind can and will create. A just future. A future of infinite potential in which all that matters in the world is a barn. Simple, wholesome living. All of your brethren in a lawful state of bliss, presence and being. This is the dream of a reality that a select few will experience. In the future some will live in this realm. The deserving will inherit this space. They will own it and tend to it well.

And it will be good.

The future begins with this disk. With Otis the transcendent, the one beyond all boundaries, the all being, the sacred cow themselves. Be Otis. Lose all that divides you. I urge you. Be a man and a woman. Be black and be white. Be all you can be. No need to choose. Be infinite.

Be Otis.

They welcome you.

Take part in their daily milk.

Insert the disk. Press start.

This is the future. This is the way.

And what a way it is.

Praise be.
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