🛑 SPOILER ALERT!!! 🛑
"Jennifer's Body" (2009) apparently popped up in the background while I was preparing a large batch of soup, so I started watching it with interest. The opening scene depicted a skirmish taking place inside a women's prison. What's not to like about that?! Alas, that's when it had me, but that's also when all it went downhill.
Here I am, fourteen years after its release, watching a movie I never knew existed. Truth be told, I was never a "teen flick" person, not even as a budding teenager. I've always considered myself a bit of a movie snob, so "Jennifer's Body" would never have been the type of film I'd ever pay real money to watch in a theater. I'm quite certain that the trailers would've been quite enough to solidify this reality.
But I digress.
After the prison fight, the film is narrated by Needy (Amanda Seifried), the protagonist clad in an orange jumpsuit involved in that initial scuffle. From there, we get to understand why Needy is imprisoned.
The real film's opening zooms in on the stunning and sultry Jennifer Check (Megan Fox), a high school cheerleader. Jennifer and Needy are best friends who couldn't be more opposite. Jennifer is smoking hot and popular, whilst Needy is akin to a geeky Jan Brady, as was later depicted by musician from a rock band.
That same rock band cones to town, that is, Devil's Kettle, Minnesota. (I should've stopped watching it at that moment.)
The girls attend the show at the small town's only bar, and that's when everything starts to unravel. It would be discovered later in the movie that the band, Low Shoulder, was "recruiting" a potential Satanic sacrifice in a young female virgin, and Jennifer was their prime target. She was eager, ready, willing, and able to tag along.
After all, Jennifer is somewhat of a spoiled and untouchable "mean girl," so she was clearly dispensable. Like all female Hollywood writers, Diablo Cody has a special place in her heart for the type of girl that used to make her high school life a living hell. Most people never outgrow the bullies who used to torture them, but females take it to an entirely new level. But hey, kids can be mean and women spend the rest of their lives trying to appease men, and enrage other women. It's a catty world out there, m'friends.
The bar suddenly goes down in roaring flames, where many of the local patrons (including some high school kids) perish, although Low Shoulder and the girls make it out alive. The band's lead singer, Nikolai Wolf (Adam Brody), successfully lures Jennifer into the band, and off they went, leaving Needy behind in both tears and fears.
Sometime later in the evening, Jennifer shows up at Needy's house drenched in blood and projectile vomiting what can be best described as "spiky motor oil." It reminded me of the gooey alien life form in "Venom," and just as cheesy, as special effects go.
From there, Jennifer goes on a mad killing spree of high school boys to satiate her demonic hunger. You see, she lied to the band--she's not a virgin. She was deflowered back in junior high. I guess what happens in Satanic circles is that, if a non-virgin is unknowingly sacrificed, the victim remains alive, but possessed. Jennifer survives the ritual based on her fib, and the rest writes itself.
Needy spends most of the movie trying to figure out why her BFF is acting so weird, and then tries to stop her.
And so it goes..."Twilight" meets "Mean Girls."
The film ultimately tries too hard to be both a black comedy and a horror flick, but falls desperately short on both. It's neither inventive, nor shocking. It's not even scary. If anything, it's quite predictable on all fronts, all glossy, superficial, and bland.
In the end, Jennifer is stabbed in the heart by Needy, but now has the demonic taint after getting bitten by her friend. She's caught in the act by Jennifer's mother, and Needy is back where we first found her...in prison.
But, Needy has one more mission: Low Shoulder. With her newfound supernatural powers, she escapes, hitches a ride to the big city, and finds Low Shoulder acting like infantile rock stars destroying the hotel room, doing drugs and whatnot. Yeah, she eviscerates and disembowels the entire band, and walks away as the closing credits roll.
My rating: "Two Stars."
Short synopsis: Yeah, it's worth a peek and satisfying, if only to see Megan Fox on the screen, but it's predictable commercial swill. It's what Lucky Charms cereal is to good nutrition. It's not even cult status material.
"Jennifer's Body" (2009) apparently popped up in the background while I was preparing a large batch of soup, so I started watching it with interest. The opening scene depicted a skirmish taking place inside a women's prison. What's not to like about that?! Alas, that's when it had me, but that's also when all it went downhill.
Here I am, fourteen years after its release, watching a movie I never knew existed. Truth be told, I was never a "teen flick" person, not even as a budding teenager. I've always considered myself a bit of a movie snob, so "Jennifer's Body" would never have been the type of film I'd ever pay real money to watch in a theater. I'm quite certain that the trailers would've been quite enough to solidify this reality.
But I digress.
After the prison fight, the film is narrated by Needy (Amanda Seifried), the protagonist clad in an orange jumpsuit involved in that initial scuffle. From there, we get to understand why Needy is imprisoned.
The real film's opening zooms in on the stunning and sultry Jennifer Check (Megan Fox), a high school cheerleader. Jennifer and Needy are best friends who couldn't be more opposite. Jennifer is smoking hot and popular, whilst Needy is akin to a geeky Jan Brady, as was later depicted by musician from a rock band.
That same rock band cones to town, that is, Devil's Kettle, Minnesota. (I should've stopped watching it at that moment.)
The girls attend the show at the small town's only bar, and that's when everything starts to unravel. It would be discovered later in the movie that the band, Low Shoulder, was "recruiting" a potential Satanic sacrifice in a young female virgin, and Jennifer was their prime target. She was eager, ready, willing, and able to tag along.
After all, Jennifer is somewhat of a spoiled and untouchable "mean girl," so she was clearly dispensable. Like all female Hollywood writers, Diablo Cody has a special place in her heart for the type of girl that used to make her high school life a living hell. Most people never outgrow the bullies who used to torture them, but females take it to an entirely new level. But hey, kids can be mean and women spend the rest of their lives trying to appease men, and enrage other women. It's a catty world out there, m'friends.
The bar suddenly goes down in roaring flames, where many of the local patrons (including some high school kids) perish, although Low Shoulder and the girls make it out alive. The band's lead singer, Nikolai Wolf (Adam Brody), successfully lures Jennifer into the band, and off they went, leaving Needy behind in both tears and fears.
Sometime later in the evening, Jennifer shows up at Needy's house drenched in blood and projectile vomiting what can be best described as "spiky motor oil." It reminded me of the gooey alien life form in "Venom," and just as cheesy, as special effects go.
From there, Jennifer goes on a mad killing spree of high school boys to satiate her demonic hunger. You see, she lied to the band--she's not a virgin. She was deflowered back in junior high. I guess what happens in Satanic circles is that, if a non-virgin is unknowingly sacrificed, the victim remains alive, but possessed. Jennifer survives the ritual based on her fib, and the rest writes itself.
Needy spends most of the movie trying to figure out why her BFF is acting so weird, and then tries to stop her.
And so it goes..."Twilight" meets "Mean Girls."
The film ultimately tries too hard to be both a black comedy and a horror flick, but falls desperately short on both. It's neither inventive, nor shocking. It's not even scary. If anything, it's quite predictable on all fronts, all glossy, superficial, and bland.
In the end, Jennifer is stabbed in the heart by Needy, but now has the demonic taint after getting bitten by her friend. She's caught in the act by Jennifer's mother, and Needy is back where we first found her...in prison.
But, Needy has one more mission: Low Shoulder. With her newfound supernatural powers, she escapes, hitches a ride to the big city, and finds Low Shoulder acting like infantile rock stars destroying the hotel room, doing drugs and whatnot. Yeah, she eviscerates and disembowels the entire band, and walks away as the closing credits roll.
My rating: "Two Stars."
Short synopsis: Yeah, it's worth a peek and satisfying, if only to see Megan Fox on the screen, but it's predictable commercial swill. It's what Lucky Charms cereal is to good nutrition. It's not even cult status material.
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