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shawnlonaba
Reviews
The Barrens (2012)
A pretentious, unfaithful Jersey Devil movie
I really don't get it. The Jersey Devil legend is a celebrated story known the world over; it's a simple myth that could easily be adapted to film with minor tweaks and fresh ideas integrated, yet the three (13th Child, Carny and The Barrens) manage to screw the legend over by changing its core story beats in some vain, pointless attempt at "modernizing" the legend by adding bizarre nonsense like Mother Leeds being a harlot, the Jersey Devil being a shapeshifting Native American or in Carny's case, relegating it to a simple monster. Here it's the former, botching the tale for whatever reason to add to the film's edgy, pretentious lean. Did I mention this movie is extremely pretentious? Rather than being movie about the Jersey Devil itself, the movie tries to be "different" by having the father character act all unhinged so you don't know if the devil is causing trouble or him, which is pretty obvious given the start of the movie. The characters are godawful. Cardboard characters bogged further down by mediocre acting, poor casting and a flimsy, ineffective script that gives characters as much depth as a puddle. The dad is English for no discernible reason other than his actor also happens to be English. Don't know how to put it into words but it detracts from the feel of the movie by having his posh accent in New Jersey. The daughter is one of those 20-somethings trying to pass as 17 and her dialogue is as banal as you'd expect, just being a whiny jerk the whole time and going after guy who's like totally rude! The cinematography is okay albeit squandered by the movie being washed out and ugly with those irritating jump cuts and flashing lights in the typical wonky 2000s editing fashion. The effects are horrid. You can try all you like to have clever camera angles, there's no hiding the awful PS2-level cutscene CG scattered throughout. The movie fails as a horror film, it's not scary at all since the Jersey Devil is barely the focal point as the movie opts to focus on the dad as the potential antagonist (he's clearly not) yet the Jersey Devil was used as the primary marketing gimmick. The final weak point is corny tryhard soundtrack. Nothing is good about the movie at all. The movie is crap and I look forward to the day we finally get a good Jersey Devil film.
The Simpsons: The Strong Arms of the Ma (2003)
Awful episode
A deeply flawed episode that squanders some fun ideas to turn into a bizarre almost muscle fetish wet dream. The whole "Marge forcing down Homer" joke and "housewife getting strong and aggressive" somehow manages to be the damn near exact plot from an earlier Family Guy episode (Lethal Weapons) only that episode was actually funny. Did Marge need to get disgustingly ripped? Is it in-character for her to do steroids? No to both. This episode also brings back Ruther Powers from earlier seasons in easily her worst appearance, completely squandering the potential of expanding upon the friendship Marge and her built in "Marge on the Lam" by simply reducing her to a brief plot device to get Marge hooked on steroids. Easily one of the worst episodes from The Simpson's bronze era.
Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
Horrible adaptation of Production I.G's classic
I went into this with an open mind, I really did. But there's virtually nothing good about it outside of the relatively solid casting for Saya. Cutting out every key player from the original film to bring in forgettable nobody characters who add nothing to the narrative is one of many, many mistakes this adaptation makes as it fails to capture an ounce of the horror the original film has to offer. David and Lewis are cut, bringing in "Alice" who's just there to fill the generic screaming woman character quota needed in bland horror films and I mean she does nothing worth mentioning. Further genericizing the lore is accomplishing by changing the chiropterans' names to simply "bloodsuckers" and leaving behind Katsuya Terada's unique creature designs in favor of bland PS2 cutscene looking vampire monsters that lack any real menace to speak of who appear in far greater numbers, dulling their impact. Rather than pulling off the surprise attacks they did in the 2000 film they spend more time hissing and standing around waiting for Saya to do something edgy and kool since I guess the budget was too minuscule to show anything interesting. You'd think having a longer runtime would've given the filmmakers the opportunity to flesh out the shorter story present in the original film with yet rather than taking the expanded ideas from the novels or PS2 game we just get a generic kung fu/revenge film slapped into the mix. Just watch the original movie and Blood+
American Dad!: Echoes (2022)
A Would-Be Perfect Ending to American Dad!
American Dad! Is no stranger to potential cancellation. "Hot Water" was set to be the series finale, driving the episode with an over-the-top musical-themed Hot Tub-based story that killed off part of the main cast in a spectacular, unforgettable episode. Then you had "Blagsnarst: A Love Story" which while tame compared to Hot Water was a literal and metaphorical end to American Dad; or rather its run on FOX as the channel has quietly canceled AD!. "Echoes" was optioned as another potential series finale due to the troubled waters caused by the Warner-Discovery fiasco that led to many shows and movies being shelved. It's a funny, insane, well-written and frankly excellent episode that would have served as the perfect series finale; yet it isn't. The plot manages to make room for the entire family while focusing primarily on Steve learning about an apocalyptic creature coming to destroy the planet as he tries to stop it to little success. The episode manages to be one of the grandest episodes in the series with a great monster design and true stakes in the future of the family, ending with a sweet reunion of the family that nicely ends the series while winking to the audience should it not be the final episode. However American Dad was renewed so there is a little bonus piece to the story showing an alternate universe of the family having different, less disastrous results. Overall a great episode.
American Dad!: Jambalaya (2022)
A fantastic new episode
Recently AD! Has felt somewhat dull and unmotivated but this episode was great. Extremely funny, unique and finally returning to having the A and B plots somewhat intertwine. The A plot regarding Roger destroying Frannie's garden for his own idea wasn't anything new but felt freshly done regardless with the secondary part of it being Klaus and Steve writing a script tying into it feeling fun and well-placed. The side story of Stan and Hayley stalking an IG user was kind of weird but frankly still funny and not something they'd done before. The jokes were well-placed without feeling forced and the concept of them stalking some average woman while being enthralled with her was funny. Very solid episode.