retro-45 Reviews

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Not bad, but not enough to really stand out

[24 May 2001]

This slasher film is too much like all the others that were cranked out around the early eighties. The acting is typically wretched, the dialogue is weak, the characters aren't terribly likeable, the cops are oblivious to the obvious, etc. So why didn't I hate this movie? It has some good possibilities for suspense (it takes place in a dark, creepy mine, and the killer is dressed in a mining costume with a pick axe, and you hear his breath in the air hose ala Darth Vader) but rarely cashes in on them. A few good scenes make it worth the rental, like the old woman in the dryer (hee hee!) and the curious meat product in the boiling pot with the hot dogs, along with the body in the fridge. And of course, when the killer smashes the lights in the mine as he chases his victims. But the potential for *real* suspense is mostly ignored.. oh well, hopefully it will be restored on DVD so its cut scenes (which kept it from being rated X) will make it closer to the great film it could have been. Worth renting, definitely!

Eyes of a Stranger (1981)

Trashy, with very little novelty to offer slasher genre

[13 May 2001]

This is mostly your run-of-the-mill slasher, with the obscene phone calls followed by the victim getting killed in some way--yes, you've seen it all before. And of course, the cops arrive too late, and it's up to someone other than the cops to figure out who the killer is. The only real novelty is that we know early on who it is, but we never understand the reasoning for his behavior. Jennifer Jason Leigh is good as Lauren Tewes(Love Boat)'s deaf, dumb and blind sister (her debut) but that's all the film has going for it-- Tom Savini's effects aren't shown much, either. Skip it.

The Black Cat (1981)

Surprisingly good.. my favorite Fulci so far

[2 May 2001]

This was a good version of the Poe story. Not quite as bloody as Fulci's other flicks, and it didn't really need to be. It tells its tale of a man who records the dead conversing (!) while his cat commits murders convincingly, and the way they present the cat as the master over the man is very fetching. The only problem with this movie-- (shudder) the EYEBALL CAM!! Wayyyy too many close-ups of a man's eyes (pause for 3-5 seconds), then to the cat's eyes (pause another 3-5 seconds) and repeat ad nauseum.

Arrrgh!!! But if you can put up with that here and there, you'll be pleased with Fulci's best offering (in my opinion).

Zombie (1979)

pale Romero knockoff, but still watchable

[2 May 2001]

Anyone who's seen their share of zombie flicks can undoubtedly say that George Romero is the undisputed champ of the zombie film. This one tries, and it has some good, memorable moments, but it doesn't come close to measuring up to his films (except Day of the Dead, which sucked). The memorable parts (a battle between a zombie and a shark{!}, and a graphic tracheotomy, to name just two) easily make it worth the rental, plus some excellent special effects really caught my interest. Just don't expect much intelligence here that you'd find in Romero's undead flicks.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Even better than the first

[1 May 2001]

This was easily one of the more fun horror flicks I've ever seen. Most of the Elm Street flicks sucked, but this and the first were great! The special effects were just unbelievable, and Freddy was at his creepiest. Seeing as how the second kicked the series in the groin, it was nice to see it rebound strongly with the third. (unfortunately, it fell again with 4,5 and 6 before the 7th redeemed it somewhat.) Lots of fun!!

The Children (1980)

Serious suckage...

[1 May 2001]

I remember seeing the commercial trailer for this back when I was 8 or 9, and I thought "gee, that sounds scary." There were these little brat kids on a bus singing and then hissing and sporting black fingernails. Well, I rented it recently, and it's funny! These kids just hug people and they fry into a charred heap. No suspense, and no real violence (slight nudity though)-- it shoulda been PG. Pretty funny... definite MST3K fodder. :)