brianjcavanaugh Reviews

Snowpiercer (2013)

Preposterous setting & story, though well directed & acted

[1/10 · 17 July 2017]

SPOILERS. Given a less preposterous setting and plot & script, the Director could have ended up with a decent movie. But this was unwatchable, and here's why.

1. To save humanity from "global warming," a chemical is sprayed into the atmosphere. Without any real testing. Because it then sends the world into essentially an ice age. Preposterous.

2. The last of humanity get on a train. One train. And they've been on it for 17 years. Going around and around and around, to nowhere. Preposterous.

3. The train, tracks, and bridges require NO maintenance, ever, even in the harshest conditions. Preposterous.

4. Where do they get their fuel? I'm sure they rationalized that away in the horrible script somehow. Preposterous.

5. As the lowly rear passengers make their way into the exclusive forward cars we're shown where the elite get their food. But all that would have been exhausted after a few weeks or months. Preposterous.

6. As we go further into the elite forward section, the movement of the train and the sound are conveniently absent. Preposterous.

7. There's a "hedonist car," (my words) where people are partying rave-style. Seems none of them got tired of it or the same music over and over again after 17 years. Pretty strange how people could live for years without even pondering their existence in any meaningful way. But then, look at most of the world. Preposterous.

This movie had a great cast, but was severely wasted. Do not watch.

Death Race 2050 (2017 Video)

Seriously unwatchable.

[1/10 · 16 July 2017]

SPOILERS. I'm at a loss to see so many 10-star reviews here. Must be from the director/writers/producers, because this film is, without exaggeration, unwatchable.

From the early and zero-climax reveal of Frankenstein, to the endless dialog during endless poorly done green-screen background driving scenes, to the campy and disappointing sped-up shots of car by's, to the very stupid Liberal philosophy strewn throughout the awful script, to the very disturbing scene of parents putting their disabled children in harm's way of the cars just so Frankenstein can score points, it is unbearable to sit through.

Miami Vice: Duty and Honor (1987) Season 3, Episode 15

An iconic Miami Vice episode.

[10/10 · 29 June 2010]

This episode easily ranks right up there with the best episodes of this series. I will go so far as to say it's iconic. It has a story where the setting makes the story possible, both in time and location, it has great cue music, it has 3 great guest roles by three terrific actors who really make their marks with their characters, it has two really great bad guys, good action including a good chase or two, suspense, international angles tied in with vice, the crimes are a bit shocking, Gina & Trudy dolled up real nice as hookers, it's tied in with Castillo's past, and it's thick with atmosphere.

Pretty much any episode involving Castillo's past is a great episode. The only exception is when his re-married Thai wife comes back when her husband is dealing drugs or something.

One scene I really like is when Gina & Trudy are out as bait and Crockett eyes the guy and sends Gina over to snag him, then a chase ensues. I really like it when the show got out there in the city and put the actors on the real streets instead of constantly being on the stage or closed sets.

This is probably a better basis for a feature film than what they did a few years ago with Colin Farrel and Jamie Foxx. What a waste of great characters & setting. And what's with that Castillo guy? Anyway, I always enjoy watching this one. My only question is why they retitled it "Duty and Honor" for syndication. Doesn't make sense.

The F Word (2005)

Liberal tripe disguised as a documentary.

[1/10 · 9 May 2007]

One of the first things that gives this film away as a non-documentary are the well-staged camera angles. The next are the actors showing up portraying "real life" characters (man on the street). Instead of addressing the issues in a realistic manner, the characters spew Liberal talking points and mandates based on misunderstood concepts. And it seems every Conservative interviewed is cut to make them look like lunatics, and every Liberal is viewed as a victimized wise old sage. And the whole idea of the film is that this guy's show is being shut down because of obscenity charges because he uses the "F" word too often. Well, welcome to broadcasting, pal. Nobody in this film, including the broadcaster, realize that the airwaves are owned by the People, and we want obscenity-free airwaves. And the producers either don't know what free speech is and how broadcasting fits into that, or they're totally misrepresenting it all on purpose. Overall, nothing new here, no real analysis of the "F" word and it's impact on free speech or broadcasting. Just a bunch of Liberals whining about how evil and stupid George Bush is and how the FCC is out to censor everyone. What a waste.

The Outer Limits: Soldier (1964) Season 2, Episode 1

Very good episode, terrific science fiction, classic "Outer Limits."

[20 March 2006]

Michael Ansara portrays Quarlo, a soldier of the future. He works alone to cross battlefield lines and kill the enemy. The depiction of the future is intense; ugly, violent, and incredibly frightening. The sky is filled with streaks of light from super weaponry, and the ground is a burnt, desolate wasteland. Through some kind of energy discharge Quarlo suddenly finds himself transported to 1960's America, and in the hands of the military. They can't communicate with him because, though he speaks English, it is a changed language from hundreds of years in the future, filled with unknown slang, military terms, and shorthand. A scientist tries to make a connection with Quarlo by bringing him to his home to stay with his family. But things are too strange for the soldier because he simply doesn't understand, his conditioning for violence is too strong, even though he does not want to do his benefactors harm. Suddenly his nemesis appears, an enemy infiltration soldier from the future. He must revert to his training in order to save his new friends.

After James Cameron made the film "The Terminator," Ellison claimed his work was the source, namely this story. Personally, I don't find all that much in common between the two. Yes, both have a soldier from the future, but that's where it ends. The 101 is a machine sent to kill a rebel leader pre-conception, and Reese is an actual soldier sent intentionally through time to stop him. Quarlo is a minion soldier somehow accidentally sent back in time, confronted with calm and peace for the first time, only to have to fight his enemy once again. Sorry Mr. Ellison, I don't agree with the connection you make with this or the other episode you wrote.

Highly recommended viewing.

Minority Report (2002)

Base plot similarities.

[6/10 · 11 January 2006]

WARNING - SPOILERS! Some things you can't deny about this movie. Steven Spielberg is the best at telling a story visually. Tom Cruise gives 100%. And everyone else behind the camera does their best work.

But one thing bothered me about the plot. The main character's mentor, or the person he takes orders from, or the person he most reveres, turns out to be the bad guy. Well, la-de-freakin-da! And the bad guy's goal is to completely destroy the life and reputation of his star pupil/protégé for the good of a flawed system, and hide this plan from his protégé for as long as possible.

I've seen this come about as an actual trend in the last 10-15 years. There are too many films using this horrible writing crutch to name here, but I will name one that stands out as a prime example. "Judge Dread." And you know what? Max Von Sydow played the exact same bad guy in that movie, too.

I was disappointed.

Star Trek: Enterprise (2001–2005)

Bury this series!

[31 October 2005]

This show was so awful! And I'm a real Star Trek fan. They kept rehashing old Star Trek ideas, stories, characters, and settings because they had nothing else.

This doesn't even take into account the fact that in the Star Trek saga, none of this ever happened. There was no experimental ship named "Enterprise" that ventured out into deep space on missions under the guidance of their Vulcan minder. There was no "Captain Archer." Probably the only episode I found interesting was where Jeffrey Combs (sheer genius, by the way) portrayed an Andorian. And made the Andorians enemies of the Vulcans. Now, this was never touched upon in the original series. And I usually don't like it when they meddle with previously established concepts in the earlier series. But this one was pretty cool, and a creative use of the Andorians. But the remaining 99% of this series is just plain bad.

It all began with "Star Trek: First Contact." The haphazard changing and misuse of previously established Star Trek lore just made everything after it turn into crap. Zefram Cochrane was not from Earth. He was from Alpha Centauri. He brought warp drive to the Alpha Quadrant, not the Vulcans. That's why he was so revered. In this "Enterprise" series, the Vulcan mind meld is considered obscene and offensive behavior that no dignified Vulcan would ever do? What's that crap about? And discussing the "katra" with outsiders is no more taboo than talking about what you had for dinner. Huh? After that, there was a "Voyager" episode where they go back in time to the mid 1990's Earth. Guess what! NO EUGENICS WARS! What the crap?? Then the ending to the series was just high school English class short story crap. Janeway goes back in time to save the ship and bring it back home? Why the Hell didn't she go all the way back and save all those crew members she killed along the way because of the incredibly stupid decision she made after the death of the Caretaker? Duh! And what's with the "phase cannons" and "phase pistols?" Are these supposed to be precursors to "phasers?" Actually, the term PHASER is an acronym, just like LASER. So nobody would refer to PHASER based weapons as "phase weapons." How ridiculous.

And besides all that, Jolene Blaylock, though very beautiful, is the least sexy Vulcan chick I've every seen. Every Vulcan (and Romulan) woman in Star Trek is sexy, even though they don't show emotion. Yet there's always something behind those cold (yet very hot) Vulcan eyes that's a major turn-on. Like when Quark was trying to hit on the Vulcan chick who was a member of the Maquis, while he was negotiating a weapons sale with her. He was going out of his mind with lust. With Blaylock, nothing. She's just blank. No emotions doesn't mean blank.

All materials (scripts, sets, wardrobe, film, videotapes etc.) related to this show should be BURIED. Never to rear it's ugly head ever again!

Murder-Set-Pieces (2004)

Practically a remake of director's last movie.

[20 November 2004]

Possible SPOILER follows, depending on how strictly you define it, but I thought I'd protect myself, and you.

A German immigrant photographer living in Las Vegas kills women with complete abandon, all the while his girlfriend hasn't a clue that this guy is warped, demented, sadistic, and just plain scary. Her daughter can tell easily because he's mean and spooky to her right in front of the mother. Strange how she never considers this guy a must-dump.

I didn't see the director's last movie, Nutbag (2000), but from what I've read it sounds very similar to this one. A serial killer stalks prostitutes and innocent women in Las Vegas and kills them in torturous and demented ways. On that level, Murder-Set-Pieces could be considered a remake, or maybe a re-tooling.

Usually, slasher movies and horror movies are meant to make you jump at sudden action, twist in your chair at suspense, or laugh outright at dumb victims killed quickly before they can deliver more stupid dialog. This movie has none of that. You're more likely to cringe at witnessing grotesque torture and gratuitous bloodletting over and over again without purpose. At first glance, this sounds like a horror movie enthusiast's next rental, but those who watch this will find little in common with any of their favorite films. It's more like being forced to watch one gratuitous torture-death scene after another, after another, after another, until you just want to stop the tape and turn on Jay Leno. Not great, just gross for it's own sake.

My Dinner with Ovitz (2002)

Slow, but an inventive spoof. A must-see if you're in the biz.

[4/10 · 15 December 2002]

Great subject matter, creatively spoofing "The Godfather." It all stems from Michael Ovitz' fall from grace, and the co-chairmanship of Disney, all of which he blamed on others. But the production itself isn't what's great. The idea of the short is better than it's execution. The acting and pace needed a jolt. And it would have been nice if the actors had also tried to do a bit more to impersonate the people they were portraying. But all in all, a good spoof short. Now why didn't I think of that?

The Pledge (I) (2001)

Good idea for a story, great cast, must make a new ending.

[2/10 · 27 January 2001]

First, this film has a great cast (Mickey Rourke is really good. Benicio del Toro is great). But this can also work against a film if there are too many "stars" in it, like this one. Especially if there's a new one popping up suddenly every few minutes to put in their obligatory 90 seconds on screen. Kind of like the producers are yelling at the audience "Hey, look! We've got lots of stars!"

Second, the ending needs to be completely scrapped (and burned), rewritten and reshot. It doesn't work.

Third, there are little montages speckled throughout the film thrown in almost as filler. And there's this scene with Helen Mirren, playing a psychologist, where she tries to psychoanalyze Nicholson. It was as though it was cut in from a different film. Maybe it was to foreshadow the end, but failed because nothing else contributed to the foreshadowing, and so, left it sticking out like a sore thumb. And the metaphor of the fishing...please. I can be hit over the head just so many times before I say enough.

If you're going to see it, walk out just when you think Jack's about to catch the bad guy. Then imagine the right ending. You'll be a lot happier.