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Reviews
One Hot Night of Passion (1985)
"ONE HOT NIGHT OF PASSION"-- A-
I found this movie in my basement when I was 12 years old. It's a hardcore porno movie that is now illegal to buy, sell, and own, because one of the scenes includes a 17 year old Traci Lords.
Although there is no anal sex in the video, it's still pretty good. Particularly good scenes involve Traci, Ron Jeremy, and Christy Canyon, although the highlight of the video is Paul Thomas's narration.
Below are some of the best lines from "One Hot Night of Passion" (pardon the Brawerisms):
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Paul Thomas: Was this love? Was this romance? Perhaps the creation of some life-long bond? No. This was passion. This was heat. This was one hot night that just couldn't be quelled.
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Paul Thomas: Just as often fantasy does become reality...and it's too bad when it doesn't. (He then begins to kiss Carrie's breast, but stops first to give us a depraved, feces-eating grin).
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Paul Thomas: So milk she asks for. Indeed! Well, milk leads to sugar...sugar leads to tea...and tea for two...and before you know it, it's giggle time on the sofa!
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Paul Thomas: Was this the start of some budding romance, or simply the beginning of a couple of quickies at Shelly's house?
Carrie: Quikies. Definitely quickies.
Paul Thomas: (nodding) Quickies.
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Brunette Tennis Girl: Are you any good?
Ron Jeremy: At tennis?
Brunette Tennis Girl: We're not playing football, you know.
Ron Jeremy: (to Sasha Gabor) They hate me.
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Paul Thomas: Have you ever seen two girls making love? It is one of the finest things in this world, in my opinion. I've seen a lot of it.
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Guy at bar: (Looking at Christy Canyon's breasts) Oh...God...What...Breasts!
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Paul Thomas: I almost forgot to tell you my own passion, my own fantasy...which is virgins. As a matter of fact, I just recently completed an entire docudrama I did called "Breaking It"--a story about virgins, from the teenagers experience with their very, very first time. Carrie here is virgin...
Carrie: Well, almost a virgin.
Paul Thomas: Almost a virgin. Half a virgin is better than none.
Dinosaur (2000)
"DINOSAUR"-- C+
Apparently, Disney has the technology and the money to make the most digitally enhanced movie we have ever seen. In the first five minutes of "Dinosaur," Disney tries to impress us by showing everything they can do with their computer generated effects. And let's face it, that's the only reason we saw this movie in the first place (at least those of us without kids).
But it's not the special effects that make a great "special effects" movie, and in the long run, "Dinosaur" will be forgotten among such landmark films as "2001: A Space Odyssey," "Star Wars," "Jurassic Park," and "Toy Story." These movies combined creative ideas with special effects, and are now lodged in our cultural memory.
"Dinosaur" exhibits no creative thought. It's pretty much the same story as "The Land Before Time," only this go-round we're dealing with digital dinosaurs. Beyond being unoriginal, the story is weak: it's about a herd of dinosaurs trying to find their "nesting area." Everything that happens along the way has been done before and done better. Even the celebrity voices suck (D.B. Sweeney?). Particularly bad is the comic relief, which comes in the form of horny, yet unattractive monkey (I know it sounds funny, but it never is). The movie is oddly short (about 75-80 minutes), for which I suppose we should be thankful.
One comment about the special effects: they're great, but are they any more "realistic" than "Jurassic Park's" dinosaurs? Spielberg wanted to show us what dinosaurs actually looked like millions of years ago. In "Dinosaur," we see a bunch of generic dinosaurs who make ridiculous facial expressions. The monkeys also make crazy faces from time to time. My point here is that while the animals certainly don't look like cartoons, they don't look "realistic" either.
Bottom line: "Dinosaur" is as interesting and creative as its title. Most people won't like it, with the exception of kids who get caught up in the craziness. Parents should note that this is not a traditional family movie (it's rated PG for violence). Hopefully, in the next couple of years, studios will use the technology of "Dinosaur" to make quality movies that we'll enjoy after the first five minutes.
Kingpin (1996)
"KINGPIN"-- A
What makes a great comedy? Funny scenes. Funny characters. Funny dialogue. "Kingpin" has all of these qualities and in large doses. It's one of the top ten comedies of the past ten years, and in my opinion, the crowning achievement of the Farelly brothers thus far.
"Dumb and Dumber" was hilarious. "There's Something About Mary" took the romantic comedy to a new level. But "Kingpin" stands out as the most bizarre and likeable film of the Farelly trilogy. Much like the "Billy Madison" of Adam Sandler films, "Kingpin" is not so much funnier than the rest of the Farelly Brother's movies, as it is more weird and awesome.
There are some scenes that drag, and I don't think Randy Quaid's character is as funny as it should have been, but everything else here is gold. Woody gives a great comedic performance. Vanessa Angel has a great chest ("and those babies are real!") Uncle Willie, Chris Elliot, and the landlady are superb.
I could write an epic poem on the greatness of Bill Murray in this movie, but I won't. Suffice it to say that his performance in "Kingpin" is best thing he has ever done. Its the best part of the movie. He's not in it nearly enough, but that only makes you cherish his scenes all the more.
However, the most underrated character in this movie, and in cinematic history for that matter, is unquestionably the "Great Stan" (Vanessa Angel's boyfriend). He represents everything that is enigmatic of the human condition. He's simultaneously slick and weird. He wears black turtlenecks and has a gray streak in his hair. He beats women, and makes fun of the beating of women, while respecting the beauty of the natural woman. He is violent and depraved, yet he frowns upon cheating. He drinks Coca-cola. He has some weird friends. And last, but not least, he has a bowling alley in his basement. Modern psychology has yet to fully comprehend such a character. Perhaps it never will. But one thing is certain: the "Great Stan" is the best thing to ever come out of either art or reality.
Kingpin is a great movie.