effjaysullivan Reviews

Conflict of Interest (1993)

No spoilers here

[1/10 · 28 June 2009]

Not because I want to preserve the integrity of this masterwork, but because I stopped watching it about half-way through.

First, the good: Alyssa Milano and Dey Young look beautiful in this film. Second, there are several hot heavy-metal-looking chicks in the movie, as well. Third, Zia Harris has the mullet for the ages -- he actually looks he could be the twin brother of Kim Richards from "Tuff Turf." I caught this movie on late-night cable just last week and my immediate thought was: Wow, "Happy Gilmore" aside, Christopher McDonald simply cannot act. Script was filled with any number of clichés: Mom killed in opening scene; boy estranged from his father, who hit the bottle hard after his wife's death. Cop who plays by his own rule but (I'm only guessing, not spoiling) is ultimately redeemed. Wacky, over-the-top evil villain (the always execrable Judd Nelson, rocking some impressive mutton-chop sideburns, like a twisted Elvis impersonator) ... you name it, it's in there. Zia Harris' rebel son character is given "depth" by having him spout a haiku to Alyssa Milano, so that's a bonus. Also, interminable opening credits showing the L.A. working waterfront. Yawn.

Quite simply, one of the worst movies I've seen in recent memory, and I've seen both "Pieces" and "The Incredible Melting Man."

Bad News Bears (2005)

A colossal waste of enormous talent

[3/10 · 30 September 2008]

Someone said it was pointless to compare this movie to the original "The Bad News Bears" of 1976. What? This is a remake of that film, so not comparing the two would simply be willful ignorance. But I suppose ignorance is bliss to some.

However, even if you don't compare the two, anyone with a semblance of standards would realize that the 2005 "Bears" incarnation is simply a colossal waste of enormous talent, starting with director Richard Linklater (whose "Dazed and Confused" and "School of Rock" were spot-on), to its stars, the great Billy Bob Thornton and the sublime Greg Kinnear, to its co-stars, including the always great Marcia Gay Harden to a cast of some very talented child actors.

The 2005 script was, at best, a broad farce, whereas the original was sharp-edged and authentic. What's more, the new version includes a variety of pointless changes (changing the Yankees coach's name from Roy Turner to Roy Bullock?) alterations clearly designed to titillate (Councilor Whitewolf in 2005 is now a man-hungry cougar; the team's sponsor is no longer Chico's Bail Bonds "Let Freedom Ring" but a strip club; the league dinner has been moved from Pizza Hut to Hooters), yet the "evolution" reveals the new film's true lack of sack. (Appropriate, I suppose, since science is showing men now in their 20s apparently are exhibiting a decline in testosterone and other male reproductive markers.) Even the smoking-hot Turner's mom (Shari Summers) of the original film has been replaced by a thin-but-frumpy housefrau. Don't even get me started on the new Kelly Leak comparison to the ultra-cool one portrayed by Jackie Earle Haley.

Some other reviewer said if you liked "Bad Santa" you'll like this. I'm wondering if he saw either film: "Bad Santa" was brilliant, an amazing display of Thornton's unchecked id surrounded by career-making performances by Tony Cox, the late Bernie Mack and other talent at the top of their game. The 2005 "Bad News Bears" was simply a bummer.

Harper Valley P.T.A. (1978)

Sexy, fun screwball comedy

[7/10 · 2 November 2006]

The movie is based on a popular country music song. Watch "Harper Valley PTA" with that in mind and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the cast of reliable old pros of light comedy lampooning the mores of middle America. But there are a few bonuses to this unpretentious film, starting with the vivacious and lovely Barbara Eden and ending with a truckload full of Seattle Slew's less-savory contributions. Also, look for the great Louis Nye (playing a lecherous Realtor) to get his comeuppance in a way to delight foot, leg and Asian-woman fetishists everywhere. Like the much more contemporary Michael J. Fox star vehicle "The Secret of My Success," "Harper Valley" offers a pleasing mix of comedy, sexy situations and root-for-the-little-guy moments that make the film enjoyable from beginning to end. Solid comic acting all around. It's no "The Man Who Came to Dinner," but "Harper Valley" contains enough real laughs to make it worth 90 minutes of your time.

Goodbye, Franklin High (1978)

Why wasn't Lane Caudell a bigger star?

[7/10 · 2 November 2006]

Solid acting, well-written story propel "Goodbye Franklin High" past most of the teen-oriented movies of the '70s, not to mention the out-and-out exploitation flicks like "The Van" or the dopey (though still engaging) "Swim Team" and "Satan's Cheerleaders" (which drove a stake through Yvonne DeCarlo's already flagging career). The earnestness of this movie is the key to its charm, and the characters have a ring of authenticity: Like the majority of real teenagers, the characters in this movie work hard, go to school, party a little bit, hook up, struggle with their parents and face their futures with a mix of hope and trepidation. If I had to sum this movie up in one word, it would be "Genuine." Or perhaps "Charming." An interesting side note: "Franklin High's" star, the hunky yet likable Lane Caudell, sang and wrote the theme song for the underrated thriller "Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot," though he doesn't appear in that film, to my knowledge.