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Feed (2005)
Goon with a badge!
An almost amusingly bad horror film about a cop who's apparently got the Something Awful beat (Anyone seen the sequel, "Vore"? Apparently the same cop goes after a dude with a website who's a serial killer who offs his victims by asphyxiation -- when he tries to cram himself down their throats!) and goes after people engaged in deviant sex. The disclaimer at the beginning, which is something along the lines of "While the events depicted in the film are fictional, in real life consenting adults are acting in the same manner..." only in a much more fear-mongering tone. "OH NO!! CONSENTING ADULTS!!!"
Of course, since the filmmakers realize that, you know, deviant sex isn't actually a crime, they throw in that the dude's actually a murderer. Not to mention that the method of death -- feeding to death -- allows all sorts of idiotic "political commentary". Whoo boy. Add that to a overly-frenetic MTV-editing style and you got one big fat mess.
This Kiss (2007)
At least it was pretty funny....
..even though it wasn't supposed to be.
I was shocked to find that according to IMDb that this wasn't the director's first film. Her first feature, sure, but to look at it, you'd be surprised that she'd even SEEN a camera before. The film looks like it was shot on a camcorder -- the video quality isn't very good at all. Unfortunately, the biggest star is neither of the two actresses, but the auto-iris. The Auto- Iris steals the film and gets the biggest laughs. For example, there's a scene where Juliette is pacing -- and as she reaches the point just off screen, close to the camera, the iris opens particularly wide, flooding things with light for an instant, and drops immediately back down as Juliette walks back to the other side of the camera.
I saw this at the Seattle Gay & Lesbian Film Festival to a relatively small crowd. For the first 10 or 20 minutes, the tension was heavy as no one was really sure if it was appropriate to laugh. Once someone broke the silence, a flood of derisive laughter filled the theater. At the "Written, Directed, Produced" by credit, someone in the back of the house audibly sighed.
This might have been a decent community theater production, but even then it'd need some script work and better acting. However, as a film, one longs for Mystery Science Theater 3000. The only difference between this one and most of their fare (aside from the lack of either film stock or at least DECENT video) was a distinct lack of a robot monster. Ouch.
Llamada de apareamiento (2004)
Idiotic.
I saw this before a screening of Todd Solondz' _Palindromes_; I have to give credit to the decision to show a short before the film mixed in with the trailers -- it's a pity there are so few venues for short films -- I can't say as that I would have chosen this one. Speaking of credit given, apparently this was made in a 24-hour span. I suppose that's kind of neat, although when the film is this cliché, hackneyed and moronic, I don't think that's much of a problem. The one-line description above basically sums up the entire film; there's no real point or commentary -- just pretension. I was shocked to learn it was only 3 minutes; it seemed much longer.
My suggestion: perhaps take another day, and come up with a script, story or, well, just something that's not stupid?
Nexxt (2001)
Great Title, OK Film (SPOILERS)
This film was OK, but flawed. The basic plot is that it's an episode of a TV News Magazine Show called Nexxt looking at the Serial Killer phenomenon, featuring the person A Clockwork Orange was based on, and culminating in the capture of a Real Life Serial Killer. Since this film's so obscure, here's a more in-depth synopsis that's, regrettably, SPOILER-LADEN:
Alex isn't really let in on the type of show, and so he's confused as they recreate the events in the book in a cheezy sort of News Magazine Show manner, from his crimes to the Ludovico Technique.
As for the murderer-catching plot, they're reporting live from the restaurant where he's about to be caught. Their proof: He videotaped his recent murder of a couple prostitutes -- which is what's used for the Ludovico Technique in the film. As promised by Frau Plastic Chicken, the host of Nexxt, and Sony Double, Jr., the on-site correspondent, soon the murderer (Rex Madison) is caught by the authorities, and brought to the studio for an exclusive interview as well as a game where Alex and Rex have to repent for their sins, and the person who repents more sins in 60 seconds wins Clemency. Rex wins, and in the excitement, he obtains guns; mayhem ensues and he and Alex escape.
Then we get a teaser for next week's episode, where Frau Plastic Chicken is in Space Gear, as they're going to do the episode from the new lunar colony! Then credits.
It's not really clear whether or not we're supposed to think the whole thing with Rex is staged, if FPC is somehow alive again (after all, they DO mention when Sony's killed, that he'll be OK, despite the fact that he was shot not-quite-point-blank in the forehead) or if it's a pre-recorded thing that was just timed to roll at the end of the episode. Of course, this folds into the fiction of the Film As Episode, because while the bit with Alex and Rex boarding the helicopter is shot as if it's still part of the show, it's also shot the most filmicly (The rest of the film is shot in the TV style).
Anyway -- as I said, it was a Very OK film. It showed a few points, though.
1. Don't make your title cooler than the movie. Because, say what you will, "The Frau Plastic Chicken Show aka Nexxt" is one of the coolest titles ever. So, you're gonna have to work extra-hard to make something that fits it.
2. Hey, Other People Like Chris Morris Too! I know that the whole Fake-News-Magazine thing isn't new, but there seemed to be a lot borrowed from Chris Morris' style, including a few Visual Tricks. Even in the best bits of this movie, I thought "Wouldn't it be cool if there was an episode of Brass Eye shot as a film?". During the worst bits, it was replaced with "Ew, oh, ew!" which can be translated as "CM would have made this so much better." Which sort of leads into Lesson 3:
3. When Doing A Film On Violence It's Better If You Don't Show All The Violence. This is actually the Number One Major Failing Of This Film. Even A Clockwork Orange isn't THAT violent -- or rather, it's very violent, it's just that not a whole lot of it makes it on screen. I'm pretty squeamish, and the only bit in ACO that gave me any problems was the contraption holding Alex's eyes open -- the worst violence takes place inside your head. The problem, though, is that the filmmakers now KNOW that what you're thinking is worse than what they'd put on film -- so they try to out-do it. So, not only is what you're thinking's happening STILL worse than what they're actually showing, what they're actually showing's pretty grotesque as well. Also, pointless. Especially in this film. Examples:
a) The show logo and segment titles were metal outlines of the logo collapsing over and squeezing and cutting flesh until it bled.
b) As mentioned, the serial killer videotaped his murders. While not quite as graphic as they could be (just barely...) they were pretty dang graphic, and were pretty much watched through eyes-not-quite-shut-so-everything-is-blurry-vision, with me cursing and going "ew" whenever my eyes would open.
It doesn't sound like much, but this stuff kept popping up (especially A), so it's actually more than it seems.
4. The Bad Punk Band Music Video Rule. I've seen a bunch of indie-type neo-Punk Videos, and there are a lot of good ones, but the Bad Videos all seem to have one thing in common: They feature the band playing surrounded by t-shirts and posters of better bands. The effect is, presumably, to make you think you're listening to those bands. Or, perhaps make you go, "Hey, remember that time when I listened to Weezer and I felt all good cause I was listening to an awesome band! I should buy these guys' record cause it reminds me of that!" Sadly, it never works. Having Alex in this movie is sort of the same effect. To the director and writer's credit, they pull it off about the best it CAN be pulled off, but they still should have used their own character. While Alex does bring along a lot of weight, it wouldn't be too terribly difficult to write a character that the audience would connect with being an Alex-like -- just swap out the Ludovico Technique for some horrible rehabilitation. Still, when I wasn't reminiscing about Brass Eye, I kept thinking about how much I enjoyed the book and film of ACO, but also how I enjoyed those much more than this film here. Had they not said "HEY! BURGESS NOVEL!!! KUBRICK FILM!!!!" I probably wouldn't have really thought of ACO. At least, not strongly.
All in all, it's probably worth seeing, but if you can't, it's not really worth getting worked up over.
XTC at the Manor (1980)
Good band, but...
Well, XTC's one of the best bands ever, but.. this show... was.. uh, rather boring. It's them recording Black Sea (with emphasis on the song Towers of London, IIRC), and it's.. interesting, I suppose, but you can only watch Terry drumming alone for so many times through. I remember watching it and deciding that I never, ever wanted to record an album if THAT'S what it was like.
Then I realised that I could do it other ways as well, so I did.
Yay!
Play at Home (1984)
Much better than "XTC at the Manor"
This one's much better... you get a bunch of promotional videos from Mummer, a few live performances, and a bunch of stuff with just hanging out with XTC in Swindon. Unlike At The Manor, it's actually interesting and not boring! Hopefully this'll come out on DVD at some point, with XTC's other promotional videos..
An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)
Well, it's not Human Highway.
I found this in a video store tonight after wanting for years to see it.. when it was being made, because the concept was so intriguing and hearing that it starred Eric Idle, and later when I found out that Arthur Hiller had taken his name off the film, and that it was written by Joe Esterhas, I still wanted to see it, but instead out of my love of bad cinema, rather than out of hopes of it being a quality film. The sad thing is that it had a lot of potential -- it _sounds_ like it could be a great film if you just look at the plot. It's just too bad that Joe Esterhas can only write comedy when he's not intending to.
I pretty much hold Human Highway as my measuring stick of Bad Movies. Like Highway, it's only 80 minutes and feels like it's much longer, but it doesn't seem as relentlessly bad. There's actual bits where you might have a single, solitary "heh" at some of the jokes. The third act is by far the worst, though, where half of it is reused footage from earlier in the movie... and well, the whole bit with the Tarzan Yell I _don't_ get at all. And the whole Brothers Bros. bit gets kinda muddled, but hey.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool.
Ugh.