bioscoopzaal Reviews

Not a Love Song (1997)

Depressing and murky.

[2/10 · 30 November 2002]

"Not A Love Song" is one of those films that bursts with good intentions, but never manages to get any clear message across. Besides, there is not much to like about this film anyway, although the premise is rather strong and the film deals with some tough issues such as racism, apathy and unemployment.

Unfortunately, the story of Bruno, a young man who is desperate to find his place in the world, is told in such an unappealing manner and the film is filled with so many unlikeable characters, that it is really hard to feel any sympathy for any of the characters. Even Bruno, the protagonist, is nothing more than a rude, lazy slob.

The low production values, talky script, mediocre performances en drab black-and-white photography do nothing to enhance the viewing pleasure. "Not A Love Song" tries to be ambitious and provoking, but is eventually buried by its depressing mood and gray looks.

If you'd like to see what German cinema can do for you, try "Bin Ich Schön", by Doris Dörrie, or just re-watch "Lola Rennt". "Not A Love Song" is not a film I would recommend. 2/10

Engine Trouble (I) (2002)

Plan 9 from Belgium.

[1/10 · 17 November 2002]

Very rarely does a film come along that's so bad it's good. Most bad (big budget) films simply are tedious, lame and boring, and no matter how hard you try, they simply can't be enjoyed. I'm not going to name names here, but I'm sure we've all seen our share of big budget crap. The strange thing about (bad) low budget films is, that the film-makers put a lot more enthusiasm into their films and try to make up for the lack of budget. So no matter if the film turns out to be garbage, the audience can still laugh at the enormous amount of bad dialogue, continuity errors and campy performances.

"Engine Trouble" fits right into that mold. It was produced in Belgium for about 25 dollars, and it really shows. But besides from simply being crap, "Engine Trouble" actually manages to be quite entertaining. Not entertaining in a "Back to the Future" kind of way, but more in a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" kind of way. Obviously, dialogue and acting are extremely over the top, the production values are depressingly cheap and the plot has been done a million times before. But somehow this didn't really matter. I was surprised how much I enjoyed this film. As a matter of fact, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard during a movie, even though the humor was entirely unintentional. I guess it was sheer disbelief that cracked me up. I mean, can a film really be this bad?

So, if like me you are a fan of trash-cinema, Ed Wood and Troma, you certainly are going to enjoy this puppy. Just make sure you don't watch it alone! Ask your buddies to come over, have a few drinks and enjoy. However, if bad movies are not your bag, you might want to stay away. After all, no matter which way you turn it, "Engine Trouble" still is unadulterated crap!

Peter-No-Tail (1981)

Touching and funny, a great film for children.

[7/10 · 24 October 2002]

It's been a while since I last saw this film, as a matter of fact, Pelle Svanslös is one of the first films I saw as a child. The story is about a Pelle, a cat who was born without a proper tail. Of course, Pelle soon becomes the laughing stock of the town, because the other cats think that "he can't be a proper cat if he doesn't even have a proper tail".

Since this is a children's story the film evidently has a moral. Fortunately it isn't overdone, and the message of acceptance and equality is conveyed without having to rely on cheap sentimentality. However, the film is a bit sad at times, mainly because of the abuse Pelle has to take from the other cats. Don't worry though, it all turns out fine in the end.

Still, I cried my our eyes out the first time I saw it. But give me some credit, I was only five years old at the time.

Circus on Ice (1954)

I'll have my circus straight up, please!

[18 October 2002]

The boys from MST3K once again managed to make the unwatchable watchable. Unfortunately, Circus On Ice is just some lame promo for a "new and revolutionary ice-skating show!!!" In other words, enough to make your skin crawl. Only worth checking out if you're into MST3K, otherwise read a book.

FilmNight Special (1999– )

The savior of cult!

[9 October 2002]

This is the ultimate show for any movie fan, and I honestly never believed this kind of show would be allowed to air on Flemish tv ever! Director Jan Verheyen pulled it off anyway, simply because he felt that there was a increasing need for a show that was able to please cult- and horror movie fans. He dove into the archives of several tv-stations and selected a wild mix of cult favorites and genre classics. Verheyen himself accompanied every movie with a short and witty introduction.

The movies varied wildly (ranging from schlock such as "Zombi 2" and "Killer Crocodile" to camp favorites such as "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "Batman - The Movie") but Verheyen also managed to squeeze in a few genuine classics such as "The Exorcist" and "Raging Bull". Of course, there was the occasional double feature (the best one being "The Green Slime"/"Night of the Lepus"), and every season Verheyen did a Halloween Special. Another highlight of the show was the (possibly only ever) screening of the flesh-eating genre classic "Cannibal Holocaust" and for a while Verheyen feared that the show would be taken off the air for showing the film. Fortunately that didn't happen and he was able to produce three series so far. Let's hope they'll let him keep doing it.

But best of all, the show spawned a spin-off show called "Nacht van de Wansmaak" ("Bad Taste-Night"), in which Verheyen took the concept on the road. Again, he rummaged through the archives of the Belgian film museum and surfaced with a collection of weird and so-bad-they're-good clips and movie trailers and even a hilarious full-length Danish monster movie called "Reptilicus". With this show he toured several big Flemish and Dutch cities, much to everyone's delight. Maybe someday Verheyen is going to do another one, and I hope he does, because frankly, the first one knocked me out cold!

Johnny at the Fair (1947)

What can I say ?

[25 September 2002]

What can I say about a 50's promo-film for the Canadian National Exhibition, besides that it's completely unwatchable hadn't it been for the guys of MST3K who guided me through it. It's so bad, you just have to see it for yourself. Just make sure you don't watch it alone. Johnny's trip through the exhibition is so terrifying, you'll certainly need the comfort of a loved who keeps telling you: "It's just a movie, it's just a movie!"

Repli-Kate (2002)

Silly, but fun

[6/10 · 30 March 2002]

Men always dream about a 'perfect' woman, a woman who likes football, drinking beer and sex. In this film, two scientists accidentally clone a beautiful reporter and program her to be the perfect woman. But the clone is more than they bargained for and soon they find out that having sex all day isn't all fun. Things complicate even more when the original woman turns up and the boys have to deal with both women.

Repli-Kate is to some extend a pretty entertaining film. The script may be predictable and the acting an directing are a bit tame, but the film manages to sustain it's charm al through to the end and provides some big laughs. I recommend watching this film with a big audience, best of all on a filmfestival. I'm pretty sure it'll only be half as funny on TV. Check it out, if you like it silly and a bit sexy. 6.5/10

Alias (2002)

From pretty slick to pretty sick!

[8/10 · 11 February 2002]

"De Alias" is Belgium's first true high-profile exploitation movie. You might not guess it by the looks of the poster, and even the trailer merely suggest a slick thriller, but nothing could be further from the truth. Director Jan Verheyen artfully combines a romantic encounter with some pretty twisted twists.

"De Alias" gets off to a tense start, when a man is being dragged from his isolation-cell in some loony-bin, is being put in a car, smacked in the face and driven off a cliff. The police barely has a clue what might have happened, so the case is quickly closed.

Flash-forward to the city of Ghent, where two girls (newcomer Hilde De Baerdemaker and Veerle Dobbelaere) by accident film the apparent suicide of a beautiful young girl, who jumps naked out of a forth-story window. A little later, the girls are nearly robbed of their camcorder, if it hadn't been for a mysterious stranger (Geert Hunaerts), who beats up the thugs and returns the camera. Eva, one of the girls, is immediately smitten with the hero, and decides to go for a drink with him. But little does she know that the stranger may, or may not have anything to do with the girl's suicide earlier on ...

When reading this, you might think that this looks like the outline for yet another predictable thriller. Wrong! Screenwriters Verheyen, Dirickx and Koeck have made considerable effort to create a twisty, yet believable story, that goes pretty far, without losing it's credibility. The first half of the film moves along smoothly while introducing the characters, raising the tension and revealing the true identity of the mysterious stranger. But it's only in the second half of the film that the plot takes a turn for the worst and the pace really picks up. The viewer is being thrown from one revelation into the next, while the protagonists are dropping like flies. Voyeurism, sex, violence, incest ... you name it, "De Alias" has it all, and still manages to be neither gratuitous nor tasteless. Director Jan Verheyen is obviously very fond of the '70s trash-cinema and enthusiastically recycles those themes into a truly exciting and gripping film. Some films he may or may not be paying direct homage to are "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre", "Psycho" and "Se7en". Just look at one of the final scenes, where the protagonist is invited to a macabre dinner-party, or the scene where the killer's father is reloading his gun, while his terrified victim has to watch him. Truly cinema at it's weirdest.

Despite all these merits, the film does have a couple of flaws, not in the least the terrible performance by Veerle Dobbelaere. She simply isn't up to par. For some reason she doesn't look the part and has difficulty making her character believable. On the other hand, the performances by Hilde De Baerdemaker and especially Geert Hunaerts, are excellent. The direction and photography are exceptionally good (especially for a Flemish film), the music is appropriate and for once the dialogue isn't predictable and idiotic.

In short: like Verheyen's previous film "Team Spirit", "De Alias" is one of those rare Flemish films that succeeds in being different, without forgetting to be good. If you enjoy a weird film, you might like this one. (7.5/10)

Super Electronic Bioman (1984–1985)

Tacky and weird, but good fun

[28 October 2001]

"Chodenshi Bioman" is one of those tacky Japanese shows that seem to exist mainly to blow things up. And that's it, really. Stuff gets blown up all the time, while Japanese actors run around and scream hysterically while blabbering some nonsense about robots taking over the world. But that adds to the sheer fun of the show. An episode passes with the speed of a bullet, thanks to some flashy (if incoherent) editing, tons of sound effects and, you guessed it, explosions. It's weird, but in a good way, and this show was an obvious inspiration to the better-looking, but ultimately crappier "Power Rangers". That said, Chodenshi Bioman can best be compared to the early Toho-Godzilla movies. Check it out if you can, even though it may be hard to find.

Shiner (2000)

Caine saves the day!

[7/10 · 20 March 2001]

Billy, an ambitious boxing-promoter organizes a world-title bout somewhere in England, and bets everything he has on his son, who he puts up to fight. But exactly on the greatest day of his life, the police start to investigate the death of a fighter who was killed in an unlicensed bout. They suspect Billy may have something to do with it.

Shiner is all in all a good movie, but not a great one. Michael Caine, as always, is excellent as Billy, a man who is almost destroyed by his ambition. Martin Landau is pretty good as well, playing a rivaling American promoter. Although Landau receives top-billing, he is in the movie for only a handful of scenes. Gary Lewis is very good as well, playing the personal trainer of the young boxer. Director Irvin guides the cast with a strong hand and a sense of style, it's just a shame the script isn't more polished. The story simply has too many loose ends, and drastically breaks style about halfway. The first half of the movie is a detailed and often very funny observation of the boxing world, where the second part is a sort of Get Carter revenge-flick. A bit inconsistent, but a good film nevertheless, with a knock-out performance by Michael Caine.

Siebenstein (1988–2019)

good show for children

[1 January 2001]

"Siebenstein" was a pretty funny TV-show for children, and consisted of a few different shorts that were broadcast between various children's programs. The episodes were always about a woman who has a kind of pawn-shop with all kinds of different old stuff. Siebenstein is the name of her raven, who always gets into trouble and picks fights with the talking suitcase on top of the closet. Of course, every story has a moral, but I can remember it as being funny and clever. I wonder if it holds up as well today.

Mittendrin (1989– )

great fun

[1 January 2001]

"Mittendrin" is more or less the same show as Peter Lustig's first program "Löwenzahn", only this time it is targeted at older children. This time Peter takes his armchair to a certain location and tries to investigate everything that is in sight. That could be a factory, a forest, practically anything. The items are brought in a funny way, so that children continue to watch, without getting bored by the subject. Well done.

Löwenzahn (1981– )

funny and educational

[1 January 2001]

"Löwenzahn" is one of the top programs of German children's TV. It is a kind of science-comedy, with main character Peter (who lives in an old caravan) investigating a different problem every episode (for example: 'where does smoke come from', of 'how does a car work', etc.). This could be kinda boring, but it is not, since the 'educational' bits are lightened up comedy bits, that always prove a point. They usually have to do with Peter's neighbor, who thinks he is right, and with Peter proving him wrong. I haven't seen the show for a while, but it is still on every morning. Watch it if you can, it is funny as well as useful.

Anna (1988)

pretty good

[7/10 · 30 December 2000]

This film is the theatrical follow-up to a very popular German TV-series (also called "Anna"), about a young girl who wants to make it as a prima ballerina. The plot is pretty predictable (and comparable to many other a dancing-film), but that doesn't really matter, since the dancing and the charm of the main leads (especially non-professional actress Silvia Seidel as Anna) save the day. A worthy sequel to the even better TV-series. Witty and charming. 7/10

Kids Like These (1987 TV Movie)

boring and unconvincing

[1/10 · 30 December 2000]

"Kids Like These" could have been a decent film, given the subject matter. But instead it has become a below-average, run-of-the-mill TV-movie of the week, with not much going for it. The acting is stale, the plot predictable and the direction non-existent. For a better movie on the same subject, try the excellent "Le Huitième Jour", a film that really cares about the people with Down-syndrome. In "Kids Like These" they are merely used as an excuse for weepy sentimentality. Pretty appalling. 1/10

Das doppelte Lottchen (1950)

decent adaptation

[6/10 · 30 December 2000]

"Das Doppelte Lottchen" still is a very popular children's book in Germany, and all over the world. Written by Erich Kästner, the book has been turned into countless movies (with the recent "It Takes Two" coming to mind), but this black-and-white German classic still is the best. The story is well-known, and revolves around two girls who find out that they are separated twins, and decide to change identities, in order to reunite their divorced parents. This, of course, leads to many complicated and funny situations. Skip all the other American versions, this German classic is the one to watch. 7/10

Joyride (1996)

pretty tense

[7/10 · 14 December 2000]

Wow, what an exciting short. I was surprised at the tension of this flick, although it reminded me more than once of "Opus 66" a French horror-short. Anyway, the story is as follows: a power-line repairman gets off of work early and heads home (to his family?). Unfortunately, he gets kidnapped is locked up in the trunk of his own car. The tension rises, but he doesn't seem to be able to free himself.

I'm not going to spoil the rest, but I can tell you that this first film from Jim Gillespie (who later did the neo-slasher I Know What You Did Last Summer), is a pretty good one, making great use of its brisk 18 or so minutes runtime. The mood, dialogue and direction are excellent. Recommended, although the film may be hard to find. How about putting it on the IKWYDLS dvd ? Good fun.

Gaston's War (1997)

Flawed, but satisfying

[7 December 2000]

Gaston's War is based on the well-known novel by Allan Mayer, and directed by Flemish director Robbe De Hert (who also directed Blueberry Hill, another period-flick). The film is supposed to be the real life story of a young Flemish resistance fighter called Gaston Vandermeerssche. He was in the underground-resistance movement during the German occupation of Belgium. The film stars off pretty tense, but starts to lose it's momentum toward the end. The narrative sometimes feels a bit shoddy, but that is no surprise when one considers the fact that director De Hert had a big bust-up with his producers about the final cut. Unfortunately the film suffers from this quarrel. The final cut feels like a 'compromise' between two visions, which is a shame, because with a bit more tweaking, this film could have truly been great. Now it merely is a flawed, but all together a satisfying Flemish film.

Super Gran (1985–1987)

nostalgia pure

[14 September 2000]

Few people remember this rather bizarre series from the mid-80ties about a grandmother with super powers. I remember I used to watch it every week for as long as it was on (I must have been about six years old), and it's a shame I haven't seen it since, although I'm not sure it is as funny and exciting as I remember. Right up there with Bananaman, M.A.S.K and He-Man as my all-time favourite (cartoon) series. Or is it mere nostalgia ?

Movie Magic (1998– )

More of the same

[1 July 2000]

Same deal as with the first series. More producers and directors talking about how fantastic their B-movies are, and more shoddy episodes of taped-together promotional footage, interrupted by at least ten commercial-blacks per episode. And there is no history of stop-motion episode to save the series this time. Skip it all together.

Movie Magic (1994–1997)

Not very good, except the episode on stop-motion

[1 July 2000]

Unfortunately, this series has very little new stuff to offer to real movie fans. The series consists of four parts, all dealing with different aspects of the special effects business. The premise sounds interesting enough, but the execution is very poorly done. The individual episodes are built up entirely of promotional footage, with the producers and directors constantly emphasizing how fabulous and groundbreaking their movies are. The only highlight of the series is the episode that tells the history of stop-motion animation and the making of the effects on Jurassic Park. That particular episode is quite fascinating, with comments by Willis O'Brien, Ray Harryhausen and Rick Baker who manage to keep it continually interesting, even though they are constantly interrupted by commercials, that take some of the pace out of it. Watch the show for that episode alone (I think it was the second), the rest of the series is only of moderate interest.

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

Interesting but irratic

[4/10 · 16 June 2000]

On paper this project must have looked like the real thing. A great novel being made into a film starring Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando. But in reality, this film turned out quite the opposite. It is rather pointless and boring, which hurts me to say, because I rather enjoyed the book. The many problems this film has are supposedly due to infinite clashes between the studio and the director, who eventually abandoned the project, leaving a vacancy for John Frankenheimer, who finished the picture. I guess it must be hard to finish a project that you haven't been involved in from the start, and it really shows. The scenes with Val Kilmer are painfully over the top, and David Thewlis and Fairuza Balk are not quite sure what they are doing either. The plot is practically non-existent, but it must have something to do with cloning, since they have an island with a giant laboratory on it for the purpose of "designing" new species of animals. Which brings me to few redeeming features of this film, being the phantastic special effects and animatronics (kudos to Stan Winston) and a truly dazzeling central performance by Marlon Brando, who seems to be born to play the role of the God-like Dr. Moreau. He delivers his (what appears to be) unrehearsed dialogue with such stunning ease, that it reminded me why he truly is one of the best actors of his generation. But apart from these highlights, some stunning photography and an unforgettable scene between Dr. Moreau and a midget (later successfully spoofed by Mike Myers in "The Spy Who Shagged Me"), this film doesn't really have much going for it. Which is a shame, since it had so much potential.

Hector (1987)

Touching and very funny

[7/10 · 14 June 2000]

This is the first and best movie starring Flanders' most notorious and funniest comedian Urbanus Van Anus. When he made this movie, he was in his prime, and just coming off his live tour "In't Echt", which is truly the high-point of his career. The movie has the same sense of naive and gentle humour so typical for his live shows, distinguishing Urbanus from other Flemish comedians, who think comedy is all about fart-jokes and sexist innuendo. Urbanus always looks at the world from the viewpoint of a five-year-old, and the movie follows that same kind of pattern, with Urbanus being able to play out his charms, by taking on the part of Hector, a naive man in his thirties who still lives in an orphanage, because no-one wants to adopt him. He has already consoled himself with the fact that he'll have to stay there for the rest of his life, but he seems to be fine with it, since his popularity with the young orphans is enormous. He is almost like a father to them. But then, the unthinkable happens. Hector gets adopted by a baker and his family. At first everything seems to be going quite well, but after a while it turns out that Hector simply isn't comfortable when constantly being surrounded by grownups. And he isn't of much use to the baker either, constantly messing up the poor man's work. The plot thickens, with Hector falling in love with the baker's wife, and the film ends with quite a shocking (I thought it to be) denouement, that contrasts just a bit too much with and otherwise fine example of Flemish comedy-filmmaking. Even today, this film stands out as the funniest Flemish film ever made.

Leonie (1997)

Touching

[8/10 · 12 June 2000]

This Flemish short film got a lot of attention on it's initial release, and rightly so. It is in a small masterpiece, to say the least. The story is simple, but wonderfully executed. It deals with an elderly couple, and the ordeals they go through when the wife is becoming senile. The mood of the film is very relaxed, almost dreamy. The scenes are always short and very recognisable. You can practically see your own grandparents in their daily lives as they go for a walk, cook and watch TV. A remarkable effort from first-timer director Lieven De Brauwer, who handles the material with a solid hand, right trough to the unavoidable and tragic ending. Unmissable for every short-film lover.

Opus 66 (1998)

Superb and very scary

[8/10 · 4 June 2000]

I caught this truly scary little flick by accident on Belgian pay-TV, and I have to admit, it really scared me and stayed with me to this day. The story is very simple. A young couple drives through a forest at night, when they suddenly see a car that is parked in the middle of the street. What happens next is equally surprising as it is terrifying, and the final frame will haunt you in many a nightmare. Try to catch this short-film on video, it is worth it.