minnman Reviews

Starkweather (2004)

well, the credits were OK

[1/10 · 30 December 2005]

When the highlight of any movie are the credits you know that you have just seen a bomb. This one is a rotten bomb. I doubt that more than $95 was spent on this embarrassment. Cheap scenes, misinformation and more. Phew!

Once in a while an error will show up in any movie regarding location or cars but in this case the entire movie was an error.

While the facts behind the crimes might have been from the so called police blotters everything else was totally bogus. The description of the cars were far off. There was a scene supposedly in Nebraska on some interstate highway that looked like it was shot on some obscure county road. Moreover if you have been in the Omaha-Lincoln area you don't see a whole lot of mountains either.

I could go on and on with how bad this movie was. But I think the message is there.

The acting varied from bad to awful. It added to the fact that there was absolutely no redeeming factor to this effort.

You saw all the blood and guts which probably was the high (or should I say "low') point of the movie.

I seem to recall that Starkweather was caught in California but that's not even important here. What is important is that if there is another book with the 50 worst movies "Starkweather" should certainly be in the top ten.

This is a "must miss" on anyone's list.

10.5 (2004)

TrashTV at its very best - or worst depending on how you look at it

[1/10 · 10 May 2004]

There have been so many words already expressed on this mini-series regrading how awful it was that little more can be said at this point. NBC would have made it more interesting to label it as a comic-drama. The special effects, such as they were, ranked from comedic to just plain awful. The train scene looked like a Lionel reject with the quake - not just an ordinary one, mind you but an intelligent one - chasing the train down tracks that looked like a cheap HO set. Obviously the boneheads that wrote this disaster (and that's being nice) did not do their homework either.

The fact that this mini-series was so awful makes it impossible to go into any great detail on a piece by piece basis. Dule should stay on the "West Wing" and Beau Bridges as a President - well - even made Reagan look good when he was playing the role.

The so called "Tent City" was located in the San Joaquin Valley that suffered a horrific quake in 1952 that wreaked havoc to the then Southern Pacific railroad's tunnels. Luckily no trains were caught in that. Obviously no homework was done on that either. Speaking of "Tent City" with its millions of refugees, it was laughable that Dule was able to find his wife and kids amongst the total chaos and confusion. I guess you can do anything in a mess like this so long as it gets ratings. We simply must have a happy ending.

And speaking of relationships - wasn't it a hoot that almost every lead character was at war with their respective mate. Of course the quake brought these couples back. Will someone bring out the kleenex!

The crowning glory of this misfortune was the big quake itself. Naturally it struck right in the middle of "Tent City" Where else would it strike? Remember, this was an intelligent earthquake. So intelligent that it stopped - miracles of miracles - a few feet away from the two scientists who were spared death by drowning from the ocean. Wow! Irvin Allen would be rolling in his grave at this point.

Of course the quake simply stopped - no after shocks required. I think the after shocks were for those who watched this. I would have suggested a more appropriate ending however. Perhaps Mr. Heston could have had his image rise over the horizon over the ocean holding either a staff as in "The Ten Commandments" or a rifle as in the NRA. People could have paid homage to him by bowing and giving thanks that they survived the quakes. I wish I could say the same for those who viewed it.

NBC might have won the ratings for this epic disaster but it also proved its ability to sell itself to the public on its capability of delivery "TrashTV". They should have stopped the entire mini-series when that moron of a mountain biker got squished by the Space Needle falling on him.

Volcano (1997)

Volcano 1, viewers 0 ; A real bomb!

[1/10 · 15 July 2003]

If there is ever another "50 Worst Movies" book "Volcano" would certainly be in the running. First of all, any elementary volcano fan would see all of the warning sign up to and including a near by pond boiling. "Gee whiz, that's a dead give away that something nasty is happening". But never fear, the dummies at the site - conveniently located by the La Brea Tar Pits in Los Angeles - don't have a clue. There is, of course, the obligatory subway that somehow runs in the part of the volcano. Do you really think that those two female scientists have a clue when they go down to investigate? No! But of course one falls into a chasm and gets boiled alive. Then there is the subway train - RTA management refuses to believe that there is a problem. And, of course, there are people trapped on the car, which by the way, looks like a very cheap Lionel model.

Finally we have Tommy Lee Jones who was far more convincing in "The Fugitive" who somehow has the ability to direct the lava flowing down the street by blocking the flow with a bunch of old buses. I always knew that there would be a need for old buses! He finally comes up with a plan to divert the flow of the lava by building a trench and blowing up a building where - by the way - his daughter is somehow stuck in it with the owner who is a villian. Gosh, even Irwin Allen wouldn't stoop that low in his horror flicks. Of course she gets saved and the lava flows on to the sea thru the sewers thanks to Tommy Lee Jones. Gosh, what a hero!

In the end we have a panorama of beautiful downtown Los Angeles with the volcano - now called Mt. Wilshire - smoldering away on a large cinder cone. It just shows that in L.A. you can do anything so long as it is on film.

In this case it is a shame that the lava did not somehow flow in and destroy the studio where this bomb was made and hopefully destroy the film before it was foisted upon the public.

If there was a star system this would be "bomb".

Titans (2000–2001)

A high quality viewing night ruined by this turkey.

[1 November 2000]

NBC has two outstanding programs on Wednesday nights: "West Wing" which has won a truck load of well deserved awards and "Law and Order" which has always insisted on high quality as well as its own share of awards. In television it is important to have a good lead in program. I believe that prior to this year it was "Dateline".

This year we are insulted with "Titans", a total waste brought to you by the King of Schlock, Aaron Spelling whose soapies graced other networks at one time when such entertainment was more or less in vogue. I have to wonder who the bozo in programming was that decided to put this turkey on before the two top programs? In the past NBC has creative programming - they struck out on this one. Boy, did they ever!

I am sure that "Titans" will win its share of viewers and that's great - but on some other night and time, please. Maybe 3 in the morning on Sundays would be appropriate. On the other hand maybe NBC can find something more entertaining. Then again, even watching re-runs of "Meet the Press" would be a great improvement. Better yet, why not bring "Dateline" back - please - real quick? Better yet, local stations can use this time for something else. There is a need for good quality local oriented programs; this is a great time slot.

Yes, I viewed what passed as acting - it was as wooden as it gets and as about exciting as a cold bowl of oatmeal. Are these actors breathing? Are they alive?

Speaking of cold oatmeal just the thought of "Titans" is getting me sick. Did anyone see the barf bag? Feh!

Wild Wild West (1999)

Is that a dog I hear barking?

[1/10 · 29 October 2000]

I remember fondly the TV series. The movie, on the other hand, was one of the most overhyped turkeys in a long time. Will Smith as the lead? Give me a break! Anything the resembled the original TV series was either coincidental or an accident.

There have been other cinematic disasters before but never with such a massive effort on the marketing weasels to foist this upon the public with such great energy. Feh!

Perhaps instead of "bow wow" it should be "gobble gobble"!

Ten from Your Show of Shows (1973)

10 more, please and 10 stars

[29 October 2000]

Thank goodness a new collection of selections from Your Show of Shows has been released (see review). "10 From Your Show of Shows" has to be a classic about a classic. If one wants to see comedy (when comedy was clean and sex was dirty) this is a must. So many outstanding writers and comedians came from this show: Woody Allen, Carl Reiner, Howard Morris, Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, etc., etc. There simply is no comparison. I can not think of a more talented ensemble of people assembled for one purpose: put on a quality show with great comedy. If you haven't seen this movie do not walk but run to the nearest movie rental and see it. Each of the ten skits represent a different kind of comedy but "The Clock" has to be without a doubt the best. It is pantomine but watch the expressions on each face with emphasis on poor Imogene Coco who had all she could do to not break out in laughter. If you don't break out in laughter there is something really wrong.

This was truly the "golden age" of television.

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)

Still very funny but not for the prude

[9/10 · 30 May 2000]

For those who are not familar with the Zuckers I must warn you that the gags come one after another. Some are vocal, some are action, some are both. I am not going to get into the particulars except to say that there are scenes that are not suitable for the younger folk or the prudes.

It is a great piece of satire based on so called values and culture of its time. For those who want a good laugh this is a must see. The kung-fu psuedo Bruce Lee segment is worth the price of admission! Don't miss the crap game in the alley either.

If you feel blue and want a something to pick you up this is the movie that will do it.

News at Eleven (1986 TV Movie)

It speaks the truth

[10/10 · 14 February 2000]

This is a real sleeper. Unless you see and understand the real meaning of the movie you may miss it or totally miss the point as it appears the one person reviewing did who claimed it was "tasteless". The true sense of journalism and its moral obligation has been lost in a sea of ratings and commercialism. Instead of objective news reporting and commentary in the we are either treated to "happy news" or the Tom Brokaw school of subjective reporting or both. It has reached the point where even so called "journalists" have been censored by station management for reporting things that might be detrimental to a sponsor or the station itself.

While the sub-plot: a high school teacher is photographing his female students nude and having sex with them - is not in the best of taste, it is the coverage of the story and the ratings race that takes place over integrity and morality associated with responsible journalism. It includes a news director whose priority of winning a ratings war is of such utmost importance that he listens in to phone calls, presents the crew with a celebration cake when the sleaze factor of exposing a teenaged girl's confession on camera wins that station the rating's race. It is this sleazy news director that at the end of the movie is finally exposed in a tactical move by Sheen that is worth the price of the entire movie. It is Sheen realizing his moral responsibility over the importance of ratings. By the way, I will not give away the punch line but it really is great.

The bottom line, the one that we all tend to miss is the fact that this mythical station would not have won a ratings war if we, the viewing public, would not have been so sleazy ourselves. This being Feb., 2000, the month of the ratings war, I still have to ponder over the trash factor that emanates from a few of our stations in the name of winning ratings. I need not mention networks or shows in question as we all know who and what they are.

By all means find a place where you can rent this little gem and take a look. View it a couple of times. Perhaps it will wake you up as well as to where quality television and news reporting has gone to.

I did not see any stars shown but it gets five big ones from me.

The West Wing (1999–2006)

A great new show

[16 November 1999]

NBC is to be congratulated for giving us a night of intelligent television. What a relief! West Wing which is absolutely great followed by Law and Order (the original series).

The entire cast seems to work well together. In a way there are no major problems that can't be solved in 44 minutes which reminds us of the limitations of this show but on the other hand we also see an attempt to humanize the Office of the President; something the real media often fails to do.

It took a while for us to finally see the First Lady and Vice-President but hopefully both will become more involved in the series as time goes on. Unlike Law and Order this show does not leave you hanging with any issues to discuss. Most of the issues are matters that give us insight of the feelings of the President rather than trying to make us think about some thought provoking issue.

Hopefully NBC will follow its past patterns of allowing a show of great promise a chance to find its way and live a long life as has Law and Order.

The Langoliers (1995)

A bit unreal at times but otherwise good

[18 September 1999]

Having read the book it was interesting to watch the mini-series. The series was fairly close to the book. The acting was fair - nothing great but enough to get the story across. There were a few minor problems with the misplaced time concept however that had this reviewer wondering.

Imagine the pilot heroically landing this huge jet at Los Angeles and finding - miracles of miracles - that he was not only able to accomplish the task but end up with little or no fuel left - right at the proper landing spot at the facility because the spot was "vacant". It was then discovered by Dean Stockwell that - guess what - they were ahead of the real time and the real time would catch up with them. The special effects at that moment when the survivors return to real time was dramatic. An empty airport becomes a busy one. Now for the big question - what about that plane? After all if that returned to real time how do we know that there wasn't another plane physically occupied in that space and if so what might have happened? Details, I know, but something to think about.

Otherwise we saw any number of typical "Kingism" clichés including those "last minute" dramatic cliffhangers such as the plane taking off from what became a void below as the Langoliers cleaned up the old time. Entertaining but predictable.

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

A King-sized bomb

[1/10 · 18 September 1999]

There a bad movies that are so bad that they are funny. This movie was both bad and not funny - it was just bad. What we have is a comet that makes machinery turn against man. Now there's a concept! Kenworths and Peterbilts revolt against their drivers and anything else on the road. Nothing new there either if you drive the interstates. Was there a plot? Not really. Was there acting? Not really. Was it worth seeing? Not!

A pity that the trucks didn't destroy everything within the first ten minutes of this heroic flop including the set, actors, writers, film and film crew. That would have been a great improvement. But then again I doubt that this movie had a budget of not more than $359.

This "movie" was on a late, late show on one of those grade D stations. Even that was too good a spot for it. Another case where a "name" does not guarantee a good movie or story.