Driver-5 Reviews

White Star (1983)

"White Star's the future!"

[4/10 · 1 March 2000]

This is a pretty bizarre movie. If you're a Dennis Hopper fan (i.e. you could sit through 90 minutes of Hopper improvising and overacting like there's no tomorrow) you'll enjoy WHITE STAR. Hopper plays Kenneth Barlow (not the guy from CORONATION STREET!), a freaked-out manager who's only client is a keyboard player called Moody (Terrance Robay). Barlow, formerly the manager for the Rolling Stones(!), tries staged riots (caused by THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT's David Hess) and even an assassination attempt to put Moody's record "White Star" into the charts. Apart from a few good riot scenes nothing really happens. Poor Romay is torn apart by Hopper's OOP performance, and worth seeing for that alone (pity Hess doesn't have more screen time, he's not in the film very much).

The Protector (1985)

This is so bad

[28 February 2000]

I've read quite a few reviews for this movie, many emphasized that THE PROTECTOR is poor because it's not a Jackie Chan movie since it contains nudity, swearing, little to no humour, a slow pace and (worst of all) sloppy action scenes. Chan's movie are almost always set to a break-neck pace and make anything else seem as slow as paint drying, so I thought that this movie would be pretty good when put up against any other contemporary action flick. Director James Glickenhaus has made a few great action movies, most notably THE EXTERMINATOR (1980), THE SOLDIER (1982)and SHAKEDOWN (1988), so I thought this one would be pretty good. Wrong. The film is awful. Anybody who has seen THE SOLDIER will know that what Glickenhaus lacks in logic he makes up for in style, but this really is bad. Everything is so sloppy and lazy. It's down-right silly and insulting at times. Chan playing a Dirty Harry-type character is good for a giggle, especially the moment where he takes a boat to chase some psycho who killed his partner. The boat owner isn't too enthusiastic on giving it to him, so Chan shoves a gun into his face and (In awkward English) says "Give me the f**king keys!" It might sound like nothing, but if/when you see this movie you'll see what I mean. I have seen the US version, the Asian release was re-filmed and re-edited by Chan and apparently corrects many of the problems I've mentioned. See that instead.

The Street Fighter's Last Revenge (1974)

Awful dubbing, but Sonny kicks ass!

[28 February 2000]

Japan had its Bruce Lee craze just like everywhere else in the early seventies and Sonny Chiba was their answer to Bruce Lee. Along with the vicious action scenes there were some typically Japanese acts of misogyny which seem pretty bizarre to Western audiences when it's the "hero" doing it (When was the last time you saw Chuck Norris or Jackie Chan sell a woman off to a slave ring because she couldn't afford to pay for getting her brother out of jail?). STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE is somewhat tamer than the first entries into the series. This time around Chiba is more of a James Bond kinda character, donning rubber masks and vampire fangs(!) and is mixed up in a plot involving cassettes with top secret information. There's also some Gong Show-type freak (Who you see a lot of on Japanese TV) who can break chains (He actually uses a laser) who's heard to kill Chiba (Yeah, right!). Along with the awful dubbing there's also the same black and white footage where Chiba, as a kid, sees his father executed to the Chinese which turns up in all the STREET FIGHTER movies.

Slaughter (1972)

"Slaughter's gonna blow your mind..."

[28 February 2000]

...so goes Billy Preston's song. MGM had SHAFT (1971) with Richard Roundtree, AIP had SLAUGHTER with Jim Brown. After his parents are blown up by the Mafia, Vietnam Vet Brown's gonna kick some greasy Italian ass (Rip Torn), and along the way he gets a sidekick (Steve McQueen's mate Don Gordon), sleeps with Stella Stevens and generally causes havoc down in Mexico. It's not very good, but there are some decent action scenes and it's a hell of a lot better than some of the Blaxploitation garbage.

Instant Justice (1986)

Good in a bad way

[1/10 · 26 February 2000]

Watching the Reagan-era action movies such as MISSING IN ACTION, COMMANDO, DEATH WISH III and RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II 15 years later, it's hard to keep a straight face. With their high bodycounts, corny one-liners and straight attempts at storytelling, these films will always be fun. MARINE ISSUE is no exception, although this time everything is just a little funnier (unintentionally, of course). The acting is atrocious, direction uninspired, and the action scenes, usually the saving grace in these movies, are badly staged, poorly edited and have some of the funniest sound effects you'll ever hear. It's not often you see a movie from Gibraltar, let alone an unintentionally funny action movie from Gibraltar, so enjoy!

It Came from Hollywood (1982)

The film that introduced me to the works of Ed Wood...

[8/10 · 18 July 1999]

I've read a lot of negative reviews of IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD since it was first released, but I have to admit, I think it's hilarious. The film is broken into several sections, each introduced by one or more of the comedians. for example, John Candy pays tribute to Ed Wood (Including a remake of the "coming out" scene from GLEN OR GLENDA with Dan Aykroyd), Cheech and Chong introducing clips from the likes of THE COCAINE FIENDS, etc. Some of the clips drag, some clips have been "doctored" to seem even sillier then they really are, but with the likes of PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and MARS NEEDS WOMEN on display, there are some great moments.

The Pyx (1973)

Interesting, but flawed

[6/10 · 13 July 1999]

Like Larry Cohen's bizarre (and wonderful) GOD TOLD ME TO (1975), THE PYX is an interesting mixture of horror and detective thriller. After a hooker (Karen Black) supposedly commits suicide by jumping from a high-rise building to her death, cop Christopher Plummer investigates and uncovers a strange religious cult led by Jean-Louis Roux. These scenes are intercut with events from the previous 24 hours, in which Black is encouraged by her sinister madame (Yvette Brind'Amour) to join the cult. Unfortunately, despite Black excellent performance, most of these scenes are plodding and dull, due to the fact that we know Black's fate. Also, these scenes are often inserted during the more interesting investigation scenes with Plummer, who also gives a fine performance. Still, there's enough unusual about THE PYX to make it worth watching. The Montreal setting with its mixture of English and French dialogue gives the film a disquieting atmosphere, and the cop scenes have an almost documentary feel about them. The badly panned-and-scanned US video release destroys Rene Verzier's camera work (as well as make one or two moments quite confusing).

Badge 373 (1973)

Badge 373...unstoppable

[10/10 · 7 May 1999]

Possibly THE most neglected movie of the 70s, BADGE 373 is, simply, the greatest movie ever made!!! Witty dialogue, excellent action scenes, touching characterization and a shatting climax. Do what ever you can to see BADGE 373...unstoppable!!!

Slayground (1983)

Underrated

[7/10 · 27 March 1999]

Starting in New York and ending in Blackpool, SLAYGROUND is an unusual crime thriller which was quite a flop when first released (it was one of the few films Thorn EMI not only distributed but produced also) and was never seen by that many people. Based on one of the "Parker" novels written by Richard Stark (POINT BLANK and PAYBACK were also based on this series), SLAYGROUND stars Peter Coyote, British comedian Mel Smith (from Smith and Jones), in a rare dramatic role, and Billie Whitelaw. If you like tough crime thrillers, track it down.