- Amy Santiago: You know, you can't spell independent without dependent.
- Rosa Diaz: And you can't spell go f#@& yourself without f#@& you!
- Captain Ray Holt: My father never saw my potential. In grade school, I wanted to spend all my free time drawing graphs and charts, but he insisted that I play basketball, as if I cared about slam dunking a three pointer.
- Charles Boyle: I read to him every night.
- Captain Ray Holt: Shakespeare? Tolstoy?
- Charles Boyle: No, nothing that advanced.
- Captain Ray Holt: Ye gods, are you reading him Dickens?
- Gina Linetti: G-Hive! Are you ready for three new Gina-mandments? Number one, you can be anything you set your mind to as long as you're already great at it! Number two, no one knows you can't take it with you! Be buried with your money. Cha-ching! Number three, if you fall down nine times you gotta reassess your walking, 'cause something's wrong. And now, I wanna hear from you, my baby G-Hive! Yes, girl in the mustard sweater.
- Menla Park: Hi, Gina. I just quit my job and left my husband who loves parkour more than he loves me. And it's all because of your Gina-mendment: "If the light in your house is dim, change the bulb."
- Gina Linetti: Yes! I have time for 15 more compliments.
- Captain Ray Holt: Ah, Boyle, there you are. I have a question for you.
- Nikolaj Boyle: Daddy, wait up!
- Captain Ray Holt: Oh, your non-adult is at our place of work.
- Terry Jeffords: I've been through this before. In college, I had a football buddy, Bryant Ungerbert...
- Jake Peralta: Oh, and lemme guess. You guys were best friends, then he got drafted into the NFL, and now you never talk.
- Terry Jeffords: No, he got drafted into the Canadian football league, became a long snapper for Ottawa, and even that level of success ruined our friendship.
- Jake Peralta: He's still playing? How is that possible? You're 35 to 60 years old.
- Terry Jeffords: It's Canada. They don't tackle as hard. Anyway, his career became the only thing that mattered. He was off doing photo shoots, commercials, speaking at long snapping conventions...
- Jake Peralta: Is that a thing?
- Terry Jeffords: In Canada, it's like the Oscars.
- Jake Peralta: I did realize something. The only thing that matters to Gina is work.
- Terry Jeffords: You don't say? Where have I heard that before?
- Jake Peralta: I don't know, Terry. I don't have time for your weird memory lapse.
- Terry Jeffords: I said it last night.
- Jake Peralta: Well, I wish you would've said it to me.
- Captain Ray Holt: Wait. Why is he writing the solution to my formula for no reason? And why is he drawing colorful underpants beneath it?
- Charles Boyle: Oh, I see what's happening. He's drawing Boy Riga, loyal sidekick to his favorite cool superhero, Captain Latvia.
- Nikolaj Boyle: That's his symbol. He distributes grain evenly among the working class.
- Terry Jeffords: Hey, guys. How you feeling, Gina?
- Gina Linetti: Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. Almond Joy's got nuts. Mounds don't.
- Jake Peralta: She's very hopped up on painkillers.
- Gina Linetti: Hold up, when did you learn French, Monsieur La baguette?
- Jake Peralta: [in French accent] Oh, as a bebe.
- Gina Linetti: Oh, oui! Oui, oui, oui, oui.
- Jake Peralta: It actually helps to play along, I'm assuming.
- Jake Peralta: [Realising who the assailant is] Oh, my God, that's it.
- Gina Linetti: [Very drugged] That is it! The treasure is in the Forest of Enchanted Secrets! Let's go!
- Jake Peralta: No, we can't. We have to stay here and guard the Amulet of Destiny.
- Gina Linetti: True dat, true dat.
- Terry Jeffords: I read to him every night.
- Captain Ray Holt: Shakespeare? Tolstoy?
- Terry Jeffords: No, nothing that advanced.
- Captain Ray Holt: Ye gods, are you reading him Dickens?