Want to see a zero-budget movie where the actors were still overpaid? If you do, then this is the film for you.
The premise of the movie is that a Special Agent with the F.B.I. is sent back to his hometown to investigate a series of murders in the woods. Here's where it gets real special. Our Special Agent is Samsen Hanuman, but he goes by Special Agent Han. In a very rare and idiotic twist for movies like this, Special Agent Han's superiors believe that a large, Sasquatch-like creature is responsible for the death of some Bigfoot enthusiasts, and they want him to confirm the theory. That's right; the F.B.I. believes in Bigfoot.
On top of this utterly ridiculous assignment, Special Agent Han has emotional issues. He is recently divorced, locked in a custody battle for his only child with his bitter ex-wife, and suffers from PTSD stemming from abuse that he suffered at the hands of his father as a small boy. We see throw various flashbacks that Special Agent Han was prone to violent, erratic outbursts as a little boy, and as an adult. These outbursts are what lead to his divorce.
Special Agent Han is instructed to meet with the local sheriff at the property of the local loonie cat lady. The sheriff is much more like a combination of Barney Fife and Goober from "The Andy Griffith" show than he is an actual officer of the law. He makes several idiotic comments about Special Agent Han's appearance, and then asks him if his parents named him after Han Solo, from them Star Wars movies. It is a completely imbecilic scene and performance.
From there, Special Agent Han goes on to meet the crazy cat lady. First, she points a black powder rifle (which was obviously a toy, great special effects/prop work there) at Special Agent Han, then she pulls an about face and becomes very flirtatious with him. He politely declines her advances and proceeds to check her property. This happens to be the same house that Special Agent Han spent some time in as a child. He goes into the barn, and finds an old tattered book. Then he has a flashback to a particularly unpleasant confrontation with his father.
After recovering from his flashback, Special Agent Han is met by the crazy cat lady. Now, she isn't flirtatious, she's aggravated. She starts screaming, "He's coming! He's coming for you!" at Special Agent Han, and she keeps screaming this at him as he leaves her property. Special Agent Han goes to a local diner to have a bite and study the book that he found, but virtually everyone in the dinner is blatantly staring at him, so he leaves before his meal arrives.
Special Agent Han goes to check into a local motel, and meets a desk clerk who makes the idiot sheriff seem like Albert Einstein by comparison.
Next, Special Agent Han meets with a man who was tried and convicted for the murders that Special Agent Han is investigating. The convicted felon tells Special Agent Han than he didn't commit the murders, but that a genetically engineered Bigfoot was the actual killer. Yep. A super-strong genetically engineered Bigfoot.
Even though his superiors believe in Bigfoot, Special Agent Han does not. He leaves the prison unconvinced. He then receives several phone calls that suggest that his grandfather captured a Bigfoot, and discovered a way to transfer a Bigfoot's strength to a modified human being.
Special Agent Han goes back to the crazy cat lady's house, and finds that she's in the woods, and was attacked by some sort of creature, then she starts screaming, "He's coming for you! He's coming for you!" at Special Agent Han again, and then she dies.
On his way out of the woods, Special Agent Han is accosted by two of the locals that had been staring at him at the diner the day before. One of them holds Special Agent Han at gunpoint, and demands that he read aloud from the book that he found. Special Agent Han protests that he can't read the book, as he doesn't understand the language that it was written in. This infuriates one of the locals, the gunman, and he insists on trying to frame Special Agent Han for the crazy cat lady's murder. Before his nefarious plot can be put into effect, Bigfoot shows up and kills both of the locals.
Special Agent Han flees, but ends up having to fight for his life against the Bigfoot, and he ends up killing it with a Bowie knife. After killing Bigfoot, Special Agent Han goes back to the crazy cat lady's house, where he thinks that he saw someone. He goes into the barn, but is mysteriously overwhelmed and passes out. When he wakes up, he is tied down on a table, and his father is there.
Special Agent Han's grandfather apologizes profusely for what has been done to him, and rambles on about Bigfoot and killing prisoners. Then the truth comes out. The killer beast isn't a Bigfoot, it's a Yeti from the Himalayas that he smuggled into the United States to experiment upon. He is obsessed with transferring the Yeti's prodigious physical strength to a human being.
Oh no! Special Agent Han's father experimented upon him, which caused the violent, erratic outbursts that had plagued Special Agent Han ever since. As it turns out, Special Agent Han's grandfather entrusted him to the care of the crazy cat lady, who mostly kept him locked up in the basement. One day, when he's a young man, he escapes the basement and lives out his childhood fantasies of being Special Agent Han. Tainted by the experiments performed on him, young Special Agent Han kills a young couple with his bare hands, exhibiting the strength and ferocity of the Yeti.
Ready for it to get more stupid still? The whole Special Agent Han persona is a figment of Samsen Hanuman's imagination, and his grandfather was actually all of the other F.B.I. personnel. It was a cleverly orchestrated scheme by Samsen's grandfather to lure him back, so that he could capture Samsen and treat him. All of the killings that Special Agent Han/Samsen witnessed we're all in his mind. Bigfoot wasn't the killer; he was. The grandfather is about to kill Samsen when the Yeti suddenly appears and kills the grandfather.
We cut to the idiot sheriff arriving at the crazy cat lady's property, where he finds the Yeti standing over her body. The idiot sheriff turns to flee and finds Samsen standing there with an axe. Samsen kills the idiot sheriff with the axe, and the movie ends there.
Stupidest. Story. Ever. The abject inanity and idiocy of the plot is matched by the galactically bad performances given by the cast.
DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL WISH FOR THE KILLER YETI TO COME AND END YOUR MISERY.
You have been warned.
The premise of the movie is that a Special Agent with the F.B.I. is sent back to his hometown to investigate a series of murders in the woods. Here's where it gets real special. Our Special Agent is Samsen Hanuman, but he goes by Special Agent Han. In a very rare and idiotic twist for movies like this, Special Agent Han's superiors believe that a large, Sasquatch-like creature is responsible for the death of some Bigfoot enthusiasts, and they want him to confirm the theory. That's right; the F.B.I. believes in Bigfoot.
On top of this utterly ridiculous assignment, Special Agent Han has emotional issues. He is recently divorced, locked in a custody battle for his only child with his bitter ex-wife, and suffers from PTSD stemming from abuse that he suffered at the hands of his father as a small boy. We see throw various flashbacks that Special Agent Han was prone to violent, erratic outbursts as a little boy, and as an adult. These outbursts are what lead to his divorce.
Special Agent Han is instructed to meet with the local sheriff at the property of the local loonie cat lady. The sheriff is much more like a combination of Barney Fife and Goober from "The Andy Griffith" show than he is an actual officer of the law. He makes several idiotic comments about Special Agent Han's appearance, and then asks him if his parents named him after Han Solo, from them Star Wars movies. It is a completely imbecilic scene and performance.
From there, Special Agent Han goes on to meet the crazy cat lady. First, she points a black powder rifle (which was obviously a toy, great special effects/prop work there) at Special Agent Han, then she pulls an about face and becomes very flirtatious with him. He politely declines her advances and proceeds to check her property. This happens to be the same house that Special Agent Han spent some time in as a child. He goes into the barn, and finds an old tattered book. Then he has a flashback to a particularly unpleasant confrontation with his father.
After recovering from his flashback, Special Agent Han is met by the crazy cat lady. Now, she isn't flirtatious, she's aggravated. She starts screaming, "He's coming! He's coming for you!" at Special Agent Han, and she keeps screaming this at him as he leaves her property. Special Agent Han goes to a local diner to have a bite and study the book that he found, but virtually everyone in the dinner is blatantly staring at him, so he leaves before his meal arrives.
Special Agent Han goes to check into a local motel, and meets a desk clerk who makes the idiot sheriff seem like Albert Einstein by comparison.
Next, Special Agent Han meets with a man who was tried and convicted for the murders that Special Agent Han is investigating. The convicted felon tells Special Agent Han than he didn't commit the murders, but that a genetically engineered Bigfoot was the actual killer. Yep. A super-strong genetically engineered Bigfoot.
Even though his superiors believe in Bigfoot, Special Agent Han does not. He leaves the prison unconvinced. He then receives several phone calls that suggest that his grandfather captured a Bigfoot, and discovered a way to transfer a Bigfoot's strength to a modified human being.
Special Agent Han goes back to the crazy cat lady's house, and finds that she's in the woods, and was attacked by some sort of creature, then she starts screaming, "He's coming for you! He's coming for you!" at Special Agent Han again, and then she dies.
On his way out of the woods, Special Agent Han is accosted by two of the locals that had been staring at him at the diner the day before. One of them holds Special Agent Han at gunpoint, and demands that he read aloud from the book that he found. Special Agent Han protests that he can't read the book, as he doesn't understand the language that it was written in. This infuriates one of the locals, the gunman, and he insists on trying to frame Special Agent Han for the crazy cat lady's murder. Before his nefarious plot can be put into effect, Bigfoot shows up and kills both of the locals.
Special Agent Han flees, but ends up having to fight for his life against the Bigfoot, and he ends up killing it with a Bowie knife. After killing Bigfoot, Special Agent Han goes back to the crazy cat lady's house, where he thinks that he saw someone. He goes into the barn, but is mysteriously overwhelmed and passes out. When he wakes up, he is tied down on a table, and his father is there.
Special Agent Han's grandfather apologizes profusely for what has been done to him, and rambles on about Bigfoot and killing prisoners. Then the truth comes out. The killer beast isn't a Bigfoot, it's a Yeti from the Himalayas that he smuggled into the United States to experiment upon. He is obsessed with transferring the Yeti's prodigious physical strength to a human being.
Oh no! Special Agent Han's father experimented upon him, which caused the violent, erratic outbursts that had plagued Special Agent Han ever since. As it turns out, Special Agent Han's grandfather entrusted him to the care of the crazy cat lady, who mostly kept him locked up in the basement. One day, when he's a young man, he escapes the basement and lives out his childhood fantasies of being Special Agent Han. Tainted by the experiments performed on him, young Special Agent Han kills a young couple with his bare hands, exhibiting the strength and ferocity of the Yeti.
Ready for it to get more stupid still? The whole Special Agent Han persona is a figment of Samsen Hanuman's imagination, and his grandfather was actually all of the other F.B.I. personnel. It was a cleverly orchestrated scheme by Samsen's grandfather to lure him back, so that he could capture Samsen and treat him. All of the killings that Special Agent Han/Samsen witnessed we're all in his mind. Bigfoot wasn't the killer; he was. The grandfather is about to kill Samsen when the Yeti suddenly appears and kills the grandfather.
We cut to the idiot sheriff arriving at the crazy cat lady's property, where he finds the Yeti standing over her body. The idiot sheriff turns to flee and finds Samsen standing there with an axe. Samsen kills the idiot sheriff with the axe, and the movie ends there.
Stupidest. Story. Ever. The abject inanity and idiocy of the plot is matched by the galactically bad performances given by the cast.
DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL WISH FOR THE KILLER YETI TO COME AND END YOUR MISERY.
You have been warned.
