- Doctor What: Okay, Marller Gang, listen up. I've got some bad news on the Doctor Who trekking. Looks like the Tardis needs to go into the shop for repairs. And we're completely flat broke out of money.
- Sayoko Mishima: What are we going to do in the meantime?
- Doctor What: Well, it looks like you're going to have to get dayjobs.
- Sayoko Mishima: Ugh... work? I hate working dayjobs. Travelling across the infinity of the universe must've spoiled me.
- Doctor What: Cheer up, Sayoko, it's only for a month. Everybody's got to eat.
- Mara Marller: Yeah, getting a dayjob is actually not a bad idea. We could become voice actresses in the television industry.
- Doctor What: Oh, wow, don't you have to work your way up the ladder for that sort of thing?
- Sayoko Mishima: Yeah, Marller, it's not that easy to become a voice actress.
- Mara Marller: But Sayoko, you're not thinking outside the box. You've really got to start thinking interdimensionally about these things. Our careers have already been established for us. You sound like a perfect voice impersonation of Karen Neil, and I sound like a perfect voice impersonation of Alyssa Brodsky. And most people don't really know what those bitches actually look like. We could totally hack into their careers.
- Sayoko Mishima: My God... in a strange way, that kind of makes sense. But don't you think it's wrong impersonating another voice actress and stealing their jobs from them.
- Doctor What: More than that, stealing someone's identity to get a job sounds very illegal.
- Mara Marller: Are you fucking shitting me? Karen Neil and Alyssa Brodsky owe us their fucking careers, and we haven't heard back from them in forever. Surely, they can share just a little bit of the wealth for one fucking little month.
- Doctor What: What do you think Keiichi the Spineless?
- Keiichi the Spineless: Hmm... well, given that I'm from a completely different time period, it would stand to reason that I would have to adopt a fake identity to get a job anyways as I could be deemed as an illegal immigrant.
- Mara Marller: Oh, Keiichi... I'll let you in on a little secret... a little birdie told me you sound just like a voice actor named Matt Caplan.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Matt Caplan? Really? That's a silly name. What kind of work has he done?
- Sayoko Mishima: When we visited the 1960s, did you by chance get to hear a Beatles song called Across the Universe?
- Keiichi the Spineless: Matt Caplan WROTE ACROSS THE UNIVERSE? REALLY?
- Mara Marller: Uh... yeah... sure, totally, until some piece of shit named John Lennon stole all the credit for it.
- Sayoko Mishima: Marller! Don't tell him that! It was obviously Yoko Ono who stole all the credit for that beautiful Matt Caplan song.
- Doctor What: Keiichi the Spineless, don't listen to these womens' lying bullshit. They're just messing with your head for laughs. John Lennon wrote that song. Matt Caplan just had a small part in the movie adaptation. It was like a blatant ripoff of Milos Forman's Hair and Baz Luhrmann's Mouline Rouge, except that it took place in the 1960s and used Beatles songs instead of writing it's own original music.
- Keiichi the Spineless: So? We just did a crossover episode of HAIR... all we did was play cover versions of 1960s music, and an endless cavalcade of photoshop cameo stars.
- Doctor What: No, that was a film mashup. That's not the same thing. Fan Fiction is the perfect place to get away with that sort of thing.
- Mara Marller: Look, we're going off subject. All who are in favor of hacking into the voice acting careers of Karen Neil, Alyssa Brodsky, and Matt Caplan, say "I".
- Doctor What: Hey, what about Welsper?
- Welsper The Demon Child: Yeah, what about Welsper? I don't have a fucking voice actor to fall back on because Hiroaki Goda never cast me in the original anime series. Which is nobody's fault, really. If nobody loves Welsper... I understand.
- Mara Marller: Oh, Welsper, how could anybody not love you? You've practically been our breakout star ever since you've joined the show.
- Welsper The Demon Child: Yeah, yeah, yeah... just leave me out of this episode. Good luck with your voice acting careers.
- Sayoko Mishima: Okay, let's get started.
- Richard E Grant: No.
- Sayoko Mishima: What do you mean "No"?
- Richard E Grant: Look, I know we're "Not Supposed to Discriminate", but a movie role is a movie role, and either a person is right for the part or they're not. And unfortunately, these days... it's genetic luck of the draw.
- Sayoko Mishima: Just what the hell are you saying?
- Richard E Grant: You're trying to audition for the leading actress role.
- Sayoko Mishima: Yeeeeeaah... and?
- Richard E Grant: You're Japanese.
- Sayoko Mishima: What's wrong with that?
- Richard E Grant: We're looking for a white girl for this role. Now... don't get offended, it's not a racist thing... once again, it's just what the part is written.
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh, yeah, sure, and every role that Peter Dinklage gets today was automatically written for a dwarf. Motherfucker, you know they've been giving Peter Dinklage all the roles for tall people.
- Richard E Grant: Yeah, but for Peter Dinklage to get to that point, he had to earn that.
- Sayoko Mishima: How so?
- Richard E Grant: By playing the parts that he was stereotyped for... and totally nailing it. Do you think Peter Dinklage sits around all day bitching every time he gets typecast as a dwarf. No, he IS a dwarf. But by "playing the game", he got his chance to show off his real talents. And now he's getting roles in Game of Thrones, X-Men, Pixels, and whatever the fuck have you not.
- Sayoko Mishima: Soooo... you're saying I should only play the parts written for Japanese Girls?
- Richard E Grant: Yes.
- Sayoko Mishima: But most of those roles seem to be in Japan.
- Richard E Grant: Absolutely, have you considered thinking about moving there?
- Sayoko Mishima: WHAT? BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR! Why should I have to fucking move all the way to Japan just to get a fucking voice acting job? For fuck's sake, it's just my voice that they're getting, you can make my body anything that you want.
- Richard E Grant: Except White.
- Sayoko Mishima: What the FUCK are you babbling about? Of course you can make the character white.
- Richard E Grant: But you're not White. You're Japanese.
- Sayoko Mishima: Yes, I am WHITE. I'm not fucking BLACK or INDIAN. What's your definition of WHITE? Do you mean AMERICAN? Would I look more WHITE to you if I taped my eyelids open really big like this?
- Richard E Grant: Well, yeah... sort of.
- Sayoko Mishima: So, you don't have Japanese voice actresses in America? If you're Japanese, you don't fit the fucking bill?
- Richard E Grant: Are you American?
- Sayoko Mishima: NO! But I speak perfect English, what's the fucking difference? When you say American, do you really just mean "Caucasian"?
- Richard E Grant: Well... Yeah.
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh, Fuck My Life.
- Richard E Grant: Look, do you have ANY previous experience?
- Sayoko Mishima: Have you heard of a TV show called Ah! My Goddess: Flights of Fancy?
- Richard E Grant: STOP RIGHT THERE... How old is that show?
- Sayoko Mishima: Well, we haven't had an official new season since 2006.
- Richard E Grant: Well, then... who gives a shit? What have you done lately?
- Sayoko Mishima: Well, lately, I've just been doing voice acting work for an Anime Video Comic Web Show called Bad Goddess and Marller Gets a Spinoff.
- Richard E Grant: An "Anime Video Comic"... but you just said Ah My Goddess was cancelled in 2006.
- Sayoko Mishima: Well... it's kind of a Bootleg show.
- Richard E Grant: Bootleg?
- Sayoko Mishima: Yeah, Kevin from the Other Dimension didn't get the rights to make it. He just went out and did it, and they appeared to let it go with no comment because he classified it as a fan film satire.
- Richard E Grant: So... what you're telling me is... that this show is illegal?
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh, god, I didn't think about that.
- Richard E Grant: You're trying to get a job in the voice acting industry and you're going around telling people you've been working on an illegal bootleg anime show? Is this show even animated?
- Sayoko Mishima: No, it's just a bunch of screencaptured still frames over stolen internet backgrounds. But Kevin Neece seems to be getting away with it, what's your point?
- Richard E Grant: Does he have any money to his name?
- Sayoko Mishima: No, he doesn't have a pot to piss in. He suspects he may have accidentally blacklisted himself from working due to too many career fuckups in the retail and theater industry.
- Richard E Grant: Well, there's your answer right there. Kevin from the Other Dimension gets away with it because he knows his role as a video mixtaper prevents him from ever getting a role in the film industry so he isn't even trying to.
- Sayoko Mishima: But... but... but...
- Richard E Grant: Well, it's been nice speaking to you, Miss Karen Neil, but I'm afraid I have more appointments to get to. Goodbye.
- Mara Marller: So, did you find some work?
- Sayoko Mishima: No, FUCKING RACIST ASSHOLES!
- Mara Marller: But, you're Karen Neil, the jobs should be pouring in by now like golden candy falling out of a giant rainbow.
- Sayoko Mishima: Okay, Alyssa Brodsky, what's your next big FUCKING plan? Because the last I checked, nobody in the industry appears to give a flying fuck about Ah My Goddess anymore. It looks like that meal ticket has expired.
- Mara Marller: On the contrary, my Bitchy Japanese Girlfriend. I met a guy in a Dark Alley that says he has special connections to get former Ah My Goddess voice cast members an IN on the Pokemon anime shows.
- Sayoko Mishima: POKEMON? BUT YOU FUCKING HATE POKEMON!
- Mara Marller: Hey, man, our choices are either voice act on the stupid Pokemon show, or we can suck a lot of dick on a homeless street corner for bus fare and lunch money.
- Sayoko Mishima: Marller, I'm pretty sure there's a third option that involves the name McDonalds, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve dick sucking of any kind. Perhaps we should just bite the bullet and just go with McDonalds instead.
- Mara Marller: What? You mean to tell me you're not the slightest bit interested on learning about the inner workings of the scumbag producers that make Pokemon. Just think of all the dirt we can dish out about these Pokemon asshole fucks on the internet once the job is over and Doctor What takes us on our next Super Happy Fun Time Magical Sci Fi Adventure.
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh, fine... let's get this over with.
- Michael Palin: So... Alyssa Brodsky... hmm... Brodsky, Brodsky, Brodsky... Blame It on Brodsky... it's got a nice ring to it... a sort of, simian tone, don't you think? So tell me, Ms Alyssa Brodsky... what convinced you to want to join up with Team Pokemon?
- Mara Marller: Well, throughout the History of Man, the one constant in our society has been that human beings are the dumbest fucking life forms on Planet Earth, and will pretty much follow any stupid fucking fad that the entertainment industry puts in front of their fat greedy little faces. And so is the case of Pokemon. That's it... that's all I've got...
- Michael Palin: You've got the job.
- Mara Marller: Wait, what? That was a bit easy.
- Michael Palin: Of course. People think that it's a lot of hard work to get a voice role on Pokemon, but in reality, we give roles on the show away like free candy in the mouth of babies.
- Mara Marller: Really?
- Michael Palin: Oh, yes... but - don't - tell - anybody. Because we wouldn't want our little secret to get out. We're like a little club, see? We're the Pokemon Voice Actors Club. And in the Pokemon Voice Actors Club, we all do special favors for each other.
- Mara Marller: Favors?... what kind of Favors?...
- Michael Palin: We'll get back to that. NOW! First things first... We must first devise which is the right Pokemon... FOR YOU.
- Mara Marller: Can I play Squirtle?
- Michael Palin: In time, in time... Squirtles a bit of an audience favorite... we don't just GIVE OUT the Squirtle... you have to EARN the Squirtle... you have to MASSAGE the Squirtle... you have to let the Squirtle DO HIS THING all over the front of your face, behind closed doors, and never tell a living soul.
- Mara Marller: This sounds suspiciously like the casting couch. You're not trying to get a blowjob out of me, are you?
- Michael Palin: I'm sorry, do you have something against the due process of movie casting?
- Mara Marller: No, I give out cheap sex for favors all the time, I just never thought I'd have to do it for a fucking voice acting role on a children's anime show.
- Michael Palin: Well, when you get right down to it, from a completely technical standpoint, the physical act of filming most film productions are physically similar once you remove the cloaking of the story and genre that you're working.
- Mara Marller: Yeah, but still, cheap sex on a Pokemon show? Have you ever seen a Danny DeVito film called Death to Smoochy?
- Michael Palin: RIGHT! Where were we?... PICKING... the right Pokemon... FOR YOU! Now... we have several different levels of Pokemon for you to work with... if you look at this little Pyramid chart I've devised off camera, at the top you'll notice the MAJOR Pokemon characters, all to be played by our top stars and best supporters. These highly covetted roles only go to the BEST OF THE BEST OF THE BEST... These people have all started from the bottom entry level area of the pyramid, and through hard work and determination, they have worked their way UP, UP, UP, to the TOP! Do you follow what I'm saying?
- Mara Marller: I think so...
- Michael Palin: Now... when we apply for a job... it is common knowledge that part of the testing process is to see how far one is willing to go to get that job.
- Mara Marller: Oh, sir, I'm ready to go ALL THE WAY, if you catch my meaning... KNOW WHAT I MEAN, NUDGE NUDGE, WINK WINK, GRIN GRIN, A NODS AS GOOD AS A WINK TO A BLIND BAT...
- Michael Palin: SAY NO MORE! SAY NO MORE! Now... part of that test is seeing if our new members are willing to pay for their supplies that they need to work the job. Such as work clothes, and such, and all things, and say no more.
- Mara Marller: I have a question... when you were devising these employment screening processes, was Bernie Maydoff, by any chance involved?
- Michael Palin: I'm sorry? I don't think I quite heard you.
- Mara Marller: Oh, I think you did. You BUTTFUCKING LITTLE LEACH! IF I HAVE TO PAY TO GET A JOB ON THIS STUPID, ANNOYING LITTLE SHOW... THEN WHY CAN'T I HAVE THE POKEMON OF MY CHOOSING?
- Michael Palin: Oh, but you can, Alyssa, you can... once you pay your one time only, totally refundable membership fees to the Pokemon Voice Actors Club, you can have your pick of ANY of these Pokemon on the bottom row of the Pyramid.
- Mara Marller: ANY one I want... at the BOTTOM of the Pyramid? What about THAT one?
- Michael Palin: Oh, well, sorry, let me be more specific. For you see, at the bottom section of the Pokemon Voice Actors Pyramid, you will notice, that each column has been divided into four sections. My apologies in advance for not being more specific. You can have your pick of ANY of the Pokemon listed in THIS section here.
- Mara Marller: That's funny... I don't think I've heard of any these Pokemon before.
- Michael Palin: But Alyssa... THAT's what makes them so special... THESE Pokemon have never been seen by the eyes of the Americans OR the Japanese. They're for a special version of Pokemon that's only available in certain regions of South Korea.
- Mara Marller: Well, what about North Korea?
- Michael Palin: Well, we tried, but your representatives kept getting honeypotted by their secretaries... Yes... it's unfortunate... their Bi-Racial North Korean Love Children are currently being held hostage at this very moment as we speak... but STILL... we ALL have to fight those GREAT BIG BATTLES at the forefront to get Pokemon out there to the Dark Regions of the World. Leave NO Pokemon stone unturned I always say.
- Mara Marller: Jesus Fucking Christ, dude... did Eileen Stevens and Matt Caplan have to start out at the bottom of the Pyramid, too?
- Michael Palin: I'm sorry... you say that like you know them...
- Mara Marller: Kind of... I worked with them on a 2006 anime show called Ah My Goddess.
- Michael Palin: AH MY GODDESS! WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING SOONER? I JUST NEEDLESSLY WENT THROUGH THIS WHOLE UNNECESSARY SPEECH ABOUT THE POKEMON VOICE ACTORS CLUB PYRAMID FOR NOTHING!
- Mara Marller: Oh My Goddess... did I do something wrong?
- Michael Palin: No... no Alyssa Brodsky... sweet, sweet, Alyssa Brodsky, you didn't do anything wrong... you did EVERYTHING RIGHT... it was all my fault... bad casting agent... bad, bad, STUPID CASTING AGENT...
- Mara Marller: Well, hey man, there's no need to beat yourself up over this... I'm sure we can work things out.
- Michael Palin: There's no need, Alyssa... you've already got the part... any part you want... at the top AND bottom of the Pokemon Voice Actors Club Pyramid. We made a deal with Kodansha Films after the fall of Ah My Goddess to take in any lost and fallen voice cast members after they put the show on hiatus for Evangelion. The rumors are all true. Pokemon is the homeless shelter for lost and broken Ah My Goddess Voice Actors.
- Mara Marller: Oh, man, I totally feel you dude. I FUCKING HATE EVANGELION. That stupid son of a bitch Doctor What actually had the fucking pleasure of murdering the bastards that created it, and what did the stupid fuck do? He left a loophole in the contract so Keiichi Morisato would still have a way out. How fucked up is that shit? We could've had our own show back with our original producers, and now we're stuck with that fat ass fucking pervert Kevin from the Other Dimension, for life. Say, you think you can get my good friend Karen Neil on the show, too?
- Michael Palin: Is she white?
- Mara Marller: Uh... kind of...
- Michael Palin: IS SHE JAPANESE?
- Mara Marller: Yup, she sure is.
- Michael Palin: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we only cast white american voice actresses as Japanese characters. It's the Code of the American Anime Voice Dubbing Industry. LONG LIVE THE CODE!
- Mara Marller: But, but... it's AH MY GODDESS... couldn't you make an exception for AH MY GODDESS...
- Michael Palin: Oh, I don't know... I just don't know... it's such a loophole... such a tight squeeze.
- Mara Marller: Do it for Karen Neil, man. The bitch is starving.
- Michael Palin: Oh, I just don't know... UNLESS...
- Mara Marller: Unless what?
- Michael Palin: Would it be possible...
- Mara Marller: Uh, huh... yes... spit it out...
- Michael Palin: Would it be possible... for Karen Neil to keep your eyes open VERY BIG whenever she was onset so that the other voice cast members wouldn't notice?
- Mara Marller: We will try out utmost best, sir... we will try our utmost best.
- Sayoko Mishima: WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU ACTUALLY CAME THROUGH FOR ME AND SCORED ME A JOB ON POKEMON!
- Mara Marller: FUCK YEAH, MAN... AND THE BEST PART IS... IT ONLY PLAYS IN SOUTH KOREA WHERE NONE OF OUR FRIENDS WILL EVER SEE IT. SCORE!
- Doctor What: Surprise Everybody! The TARDIS is finished!
- Sayoko Mishima: Wait, what? But we just got a job on american dubbed South Korean Pokemon... and we didn't even have to suck anyone's dick to get it.
- Mara Marller: Yeah, man, I thought you said it was going to take at least a month to fix the TARDIS.
- Doctor What: That's just it. I completely fucking forgot that the TARDIS was a time machine. I could just travel back in time and save you all the trouble of working a dayjob once the TARDIS was repaired! Isn't that Super Awesome!
- Mara Marller: But... but... our dreams of Pokemon superstardom in South Korea... do we really have to go now?
- Doctor What: Oh, guys... don't worry, I got you covered. I just came from an alternate dimension where your South Korean Pokemon show was completed and got you a copy on Region Free BluRay.
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh My God! Really! That's Spectacular! I get to be a star without putting any of the actual work in! THANK YOU, DOCTOR WHAT!
- Welsper The Demon Child: Yeah, but... we don't have a BluRay Player on the TARDIS. Doctor What only has an old dusty BetaMax player.
- Doctor What: Oh yeah... I forgot about that.
- Mara Marller: I fucking hate you, Doctor What. I fucking hate you so fucking bad right now. Fuck you, you Stupid, Fucking, Pussy, Hand Me Down, Asshole, Wannabee Public Access Time Lord!
- Sayoko Mishima: Well... that's okay Marller... at least we'll be famous in another dimension.
- Doctor What: Hey, wait a minute... what happened to Keiichi the Spineless?
- Keiichi the Spineless: Oh, hey, here I am.
- Mara Marller: Keiichi the Spineless, where the fuck have you been?
- Keiichi the Spineless: Girls, you're never going to believe this. There's this studio, and they totally pay you cash on the dollar just to EAT PUSSY on camera. I couldn't believe it myself. I could be rich. I could have a long and happy career.
- Mara Marller: Oh, sure you could. But we'll settle for you forking over your entire paycheck for a brand new BluRay Player and HDTV Set.
- Sayoko Mishima: Hey, wait a minute... Keiichi the Spineless... when you make those kind of movies, aren't you supposed to use a stage name?
- Keiichi the Spineless: I DID use a stage name... I used the fake name that you gave me, Matt Caplan...
- Doctor What: Uh... Keiichi... Matt Caplan is a real person.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Oh... oops.
- Mara Marller: BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! OH MY GOD! YOU JUST OUTED MATT CAPLAN INTO THE PORN INDUSTRY! THAT JUST MADE MY DAY! LET'S GO YOU GUYS! WE'VE GOT A GREAT BIG UNIVERSE TO DISCOVER!