- Chloe Decker: [holding axe to Lucifer] If I pushed this into your chest... it would kill you?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes.
- Chloe Decker: Because I'm close to you?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes.
- Chloe Decker: But you jumped in front of it anyway?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes. And I would do it again. And again. Don't you know that, Detective?
- Mazikeen: The Goddess of Creation burns your face once and you freak out.
- Linda Martin: Well... Pierce... I mean, Cain, did threaten to send his thugs to murder me, too, but, you know, who's counting?
- Chloe Decker: History and religion have painted a pretty awful picture of you, haven't they?
- Lucifer Morningstar: You couldn't be more right, Detective.
- Chloe Decker: So... You don't bite the heads off of children?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Uh, no. Of course not.
- [laughs]
- Lucifer Morningstar: I detest the little creatures. And I'd certainly never put one in my mouth.
- Chloe Decker: What about Hell?
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Chuckles] Oh, right. That's what this is about, is it? You probably want to know who's down there, don't you? Well, many may surprise you. Jim Morrison, for instance, Gary Coleman.
- Ella Lopez: When I had to ask my landlord permission to get Bob, literally put it on my calendar.
- Chloe Decker: Oh, wasn't the, uh, the chicken, named Margaret?
- Ella Lopez: Bob was my turtle.
- Chloe Decker: What happened to Bob?
- Ella Lopez: Didn't get along with Margaret.
- Chloe Decker: You said it, he's the villain. If it walks like a duck, it talks like a duck, it probably murders like a duck
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, good idea, duck. Have you ever been to the Mistral? They do a wonderful duck à l'orange.
- Ira the Beardy Hipster: Secrets are part of the game, but they're part of life, too. At the end of the day, aren't we all putting on a facade?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I know I am.
- [Whispers to Chloe]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Pretending that these people don't stink like a pack of wildebeests. Do they actually bathe on this show?
- Kylie the Rocker: I can hear you!
- Lucifer Morningstar: Can you? But can you smell me?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Isn't that the point of these programs, Detective? To show there's no such thing as stereotypes?
- Chloe Decker: Yeah.
- Lucifer Morningstar: That in real life a Mary Ann might be hiding inside the body of a Ginger, or vice versa, which is my personal preference, actually.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [about the burning cabin] I wouldn't go in there, Detective. It's hotter than... well, you know.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Speaking of extreme, ever heard of extreme dates? Swimming with sharks? Or jelly wrestling, perhaps? That's always a good icebreaker.
- Ella Lopez: [about the victim's stomach contents] Okay, so we got rice, coconut, snails... all typical for someone on a survival reality show. Here's what's not typical. We got sugar, flour, cacao, raisins, cherries and rum?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Uh, that is the ingredients of Hungarian rum balls.
- Ella Lopez: That is oddly specific. And... actually, a pretty good guess.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Spent a lot of time with Attila, actually, back in the day.
- Linda Martin: Okay, what are you doing?
- Mazikeen: Checking to see if your eyes are bleeding.
- Linda Martin: Okay, why?
- Mazikeen: Um, well, I found this medical book in Lucifer's library and it says that bleeding eyes are bad.
- Linda Martin: Okay. This book is from the 14th century.
- Lucifer Morningstar: We know that you found the totem, Judd. And we believe that Melinda stole it from you. So perhaps you found out and had a bit of a tiff?
- Judd: [scoffs] What? You guys are high.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, I wish.
- Ella Lopez: I will also need to watch all of your unaired footage.
- Maury Novak: That's hundreds of hours.
- Ella Lopez: [Excited] Oh, my God, awesome.
- [Gets looks, sobers up]
- Ella Lopez: I mean, you got to do what you got to do.
- Ella Lopez: This is the Teflon Totem. Only one is hidden on The Cabin per season. You find this bad boy, and you are safe from elimination. Guess where I found it?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, if it keeps you safe from "elimination", I'd say tucked right up in...
- Mazikeen: [after Linda faints] Here. Drink.
- Linda Martin: Okay, that's gin.
- Mazikeen: Yeah. Only top shelf for my girl.
- Judd: I'm sorry for the asshole act, it's just for the cameras.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What do you mean, an act?
- Judd: It's the best way to win the cash. I studied every season of The Cabin. 62% of the time, the villain wins. So to play the odds, that's the role I'm playin'.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Since you're here, you can help me decide. Moscow Midnight or Blue Lagoon?
- Amenadiel: That's the same shirt.
- [Lucifer gives him a look]
- Greyson the Lawyer: I'm a lawyer, so I admit, I'm used to doing whatever it takes to win. But I'm not gonna kill anybody.
- Lucifer Morningstar: And what about romantic liaisons?
- [Looks at Chloe]
- Lucifer Morningstar: I mean, it's hard to stop an attraction, just because you're working together... I mean, playing a game.
- Ilene the Ex-Marine: I would never fraternize with the enemy, sir. Eyes on the prize.
- Kylie the Rocker: Thank God you're okay.
- Lucifer Morningstar: He certainly had nothing to do with it.
- Amenadiel: How 'bout a sporting event? Or some other male bonding-type experience. The world awaits.