Jared Monroe: Tiny Not Gay Jared

Quotes 

• Tiny Not Gay Jared : Father! Father! Come and see! My latest video has 200,000 plays in just three hours.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Such a meager feast.

  Ghost of YouTube Present : But very appreciated.

  [Jared coughs and looks distressed] 

  Sound Guy Cratchit : What is it?

  Tiny Not Gay Jared : It's already been demonetized.

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Already?

  Tiny Not Gay Jared : They seem to be getting demonetized faster this time of year.

  [coughs] 

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, don't worry about it right now. Come on. You need some rest. Come on.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Such a remarkable child.

  Ghost of YouTube Present : Indeed.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Tell me spirit what does he have?

  Ghost of YouTube Present : AIDS.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Indeed.

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, don't worry. I'll find another way to pay for your antiretroviral treatment.

• Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, Mr. YouTube.

  Ebenezer YouTube : You, sir, Sound Guy Cratchit, were not at work today.

  Sound Guy Cratchit : But, but, but, Mr. YouTube, it's Christmas Day!

  Ebenezer YouTube : You see that as a fit excuse to rob me of my time?

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Yes, sir, I mean, no, sir! But you said I could have the day off.

  Ebenezer YouTube : Sound Guy Cratchit, I won't stand for this kind of behavior anymore.

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Oh, please, sir.

  Ebenezer YouTube : And therefore, Sound Guy Cratchit, I am prepared to raise your salary.

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Sir?

  Ebenezer YouTube : Yes, Sound Guy. Raise your salary and promise to purchase you a new... and to properly monetize all of Tiny Not Gay Jared's videos this Christmas and every one hereafter. Merry Christmas, Sound Guy.

  Tiny Not Gay Jared : Piss off. We have Mug Club.

  Sound Guy Cratchit : Yeah, Mr. Ebenezer YouTube, piss off.