- Happy: So, don't take this the wrong way, but looks like someone needs a little...
- [Nick grabs him by the throat]
- Happy: ...nap!
- Nick Sax: All righty, now I accept you. You're not a hallucination. You're not my subconscious trying to dry rape me for all my past sins. You're real.
- Happy: [rasping] Imaginary friend.
- Nick Sax: Shh. Listen to me. I once saw a man high on PCP rip off his own testicles in the middle of Times Square. Do you know what I'm trying to say to you?
- [Happy shakes his head]
- Nick Sax: I'm saying I've seen some crazy shit. So I accept it. You exist. You're here. There's probably a little girl somewhere out there who needs her daddy real god damn bad. And you should go find him. 'Cause I ain't him.
- Happy: You are him, Nick. And she's yours.
- Nick Sax: My god. Those teeth. Those flared nostrils and beady eyes. It's somehow endearing, and yet so, so horrible. How do you even...
- [throwing him away]
- Nick Sax: ...nah, forget it.
- Jerry Springer: Well, we're gonna find out who hit what and from what end, but first, here's another winner at life who claims the kid ain't his. Give it up for Nick Sax.
- Nick Sax: I got no idea why I'm even here.
- Jerry Springer: Well, you're not really here. This is a metaphor. You've experienced a near-death bodily trauma.
- Nick Sax: Yeah.
- Jerry Springer: After hearing the best news any guy can ever hear. Let's give a nice hand to the new papa.
- Nick Sax: Sorry to disappoint. I ain't nobody's daddy.
- Jerry Springer: [the audience jeers] How can you be so sure? You shooting blanks?
- [the audience laughs]
- Jerry Springer: Which is pretty funny, considering your line of work.
- Nick Sax: Now, look, any alleged incidents of erectile dysfunction, that I am in no way admitting to, would be a fairly recent development from me, and totally beside the point. I'm telling you I don't belong here. The only thing I am a father to is a baseball-sized colonic impasse that's getting worse every minute of this conversation.
- Nick Sax: [finding a group of thugs waiting in his apartment] Honey! I'm home. Surprise! Hey, boys! What the hell? No balloons, no hookers? Come on. What kind of going-away party is this? I wanna thank you guys for not tossing my apartment. Wait, did you?
- Nick Sax: Help yourselves to the fridge. I got ten-day-old Chinese in there, but with the MSG, I think you guys will be all right. I would offer you booze, but I wasn't expecting company.
- [giving them all the finger]
- Nick Sax: Oh, and do make sure to extend my season greetings to Blue.
- Lead Gangster: You seem confused, Sax.
- Nick Sax: I seem to think you assholes didn't get the memo. The one where Blue wants me alive. The password.
- Lead Gangster: [sarcastic laugh] Oh!
- Nick Sax: Oh, yeah, right. So...
- Lead Gangster: Yeah, we don't work for Blue.
- Nick Sax: Huh?
- Lead Gangster: We're with Fresh Ken. Ninth Street.
- Nick Sax: Since when?
- Lead Gangster: Tuesday.
- Nick Sax: Why?
- Lead Gangster: More money.
- Nick Sax: I understand that.
- Lead Gangster: Anyway, this... this password that you talk about.
- Nick Sax: Yeah?
- Lead Gangster: It's actually why we're all here. See, nobody knows what it's for. Word on the street is, Blue gets his hands on that password, he becomes untouchable. Unstoppable.
- Nick Sax: Word on the street?
- Lead Gangster: It's like some Ark of the Covenant shit for hoods. He'd wipe us all out like polio.
- Nick Sax: And I'm the only one who...
- Lead Gangster: Knows the password.
- Nick Sax: Which is why...
- Lead Gangster: You gotta get dead.
- Nick Sax: [seeing the odds against him] Well, ain't this a sticky wicket?
- Happy: I can't wait to see the look on his face when you say "Hey, you!"
- [imitating Hailey's kidnapper]
- Happy: "Who, me?"
- [imtating Nick]
- Happy: "Yeah, you. That's my kid you got there."
- [imitating kidnapper]
- Happy: "Says who?"
- [imitating Nick]
- Happy: "Says me."
- [imitating kidnapper]
- Happy: "Oh, yeah?"
- [imitating Nick]
- Happy: "Yeah." And then you give him the old one-two. And he runs away screaming to mommy like a stupid baby.
- Nick Sax: Oh, my goodness.
- Happy: What? What is it?
- Nick Sax: Shh. Do you hear that? It's Hailey.
- Happy: What? What?
- Nick Sax: Yeah!
- Happy: Where?
- Nick Sax: In there! Yeah! A little further! "Happy!" You hear that? A little further.
- [Happy flies into a washing machine, and Nick shuts the door]
- Nick Sax: I ain't nobody's daddy.
- Le Dic: [Nick is using Happy to cheat at poker] Some heater you're on, Nicky.
- Nick Sax: Yeah, you know what they say. Even a clock gets a broken face twice a day. That is a thing, right?
- Le Dic: You've never been lucky. Not your whole life. The hell angle you running?
- Nick Sax: Well, if you can promise to keep a secret... I got a little blue horse that's on the top of your hat with wings telling me your hand.
- Happy: Two and a five. Not even the same color. This hand stinks worse than that coat you're wearing, Nick.
- Nick Sax: [seeing Happy bouncing off the walls] Well, it's been a pleasure, ladies.
- Le Dic: Sit down. You are not going anywhere.
- Nick Sax: I got appointments to keep, people to see. And besides, I got all the cash that I need. But I will need that band right there. And I'm happy to pay you your own money for it.
- [Le Dic, Mousy, and Pencil Dick all place their guns on the table]
- Nick Sax: Oh.
- [sitting back down]
- Nick Sax: Talk about your sore losers.
- Nick Sax: I do have a confession for you, boys. I did cheat.
- Mousy: I knew it.
- Pencil Dick: You are the worst poker player ever, Sax.
- Nick Sax: I don't deny it.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: James Joyce called cheese the corpse of milk.
- Francisco Scaramucci: I never listened to folk music.
- Francisco Scaramucci: You're more of a "yellow slices wrapped in plastic" girl. Kraft American.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: Just get to the point. You want Sax.
- Francisco Scaramucci: We need to learn to take our time with things. This wine, for instance. Began as a grape. A sweet thing. Yes. But also an immature thing. To reach its full potential, the grape is subjected to pressure. Squashed to a pulp. Reduced to its essence. Sealed in darkness. And there it waits. Compelled by the hands of time to become a finer thing.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: I get it, Blue. I'm the grape.
- Francisco Scaramucci: No, no, no. You don't get it. I'm the grape. I'm the god damn grape!
- Francisco Scaramucci: When I was a boy, hm, the Don swore to me on the souls of his ancestors that I would get what's mine, if I was patient. Now, I didn't understand then. But I do now. I wasn't ready. But now I am. And I want what I'm due.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: And what's that?
- Francisco Scaramucci: Everything. This is my time to step to the fore, take my place as leader of the family. And you're in my way, Meredith. I get it. Life has been complicated. Father gunned down in the line of duty. Your mother, bright, beautiful, talented, she loses her mind. You, the candy striper. No man in your life. The only man you ever loved, well, you broke up his marriage, wrecked his career.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: Your script needs a little work.
- Francisco Scaramucci: And now he's back. And you let him go. You gave him your car.
- [taking a sip of his wine]
- Francisco Scaramucci: Mm. I'm glad you did. I am. You gained his trust all over again. Use that trust. Find him. Bring him in. Alive and articulate. That's very important, Meredith.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: How important?
- Francisco Scaramucci: What did you have in mind?
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: I bring you Sax, and we're even. I'm out from under you. Bill paid in full. Me and ma.
- Francisco Scaramucci: Deal.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: Deal.
- Francisco Scaramucci: What, you wanna fucking spit on it?
- Francisco Scaramucci: I know how hard it can be to get help on short notice. So, I've dispatched a qualified professional to attend to your mother's every need. 'Till you do what needs to be done.
- Det. Meredith McCarthy: What?
- Francisco Scaramucci: Run along, Meredith.
- Le Dic: Well, I'll be dipped in cat shit.
- Nick Sax: Le Dick. Boys.
- Le Dic: I mean, seriously, Nicky. How many years? Le Dic.
- Nick Sax: It's French, yeah, yeah. I know, I've heard before. Why don't we just skip all the pleasantries? I'm sure you boys wanna get back to your little game here. I need cash, Le Dic. And weapons.
- Le Dic: Oh, shit, Nicky. All you gotta do is ask. How much cash and firearms? Just tell me the type and quantity. Be specific.
- Nick Sax: Go with uh, 10Gs. No, 20. And, uh, guns. You know how I roll. Uh, small cal, Sig, Kel-Tec. And cannon. Desert Eagle. You know, something that'll just punch a hole right through the center.
- Le Dic: I ain't giving you any money or guns, you pole-smoking, broke-ass piece of shit!
- Nick Sax: Welcome back down.
- Happy: Where are we going?
- Nick Sax: This way.
- Happy: Oh. The city's back that way. Hailey's back that way. You, you said we were partners. PB and J. We had a deal.
- Nick Sax: Never shook on it. I'm grabbing pancakes, and then I'm driving ever westward. Stay, go. Entirely up to you.