- Krusty the Clown: Are you all here to laugh at me?
- Marge Simpson: No.
- Krusty the Clown: Please laugh at me! I don't exist if you don't laugh at me! Look what it's done to me!
- [Steps from the shadows, revealing a normal face; all gasp]
- Homer Simpson: He looks just like me! And Maggie looks just like Lisa! And Milhouse's father looks just like Milhouse's mother! Why is this universe so lazy?
- Marge Simpson: [Marge throws her newspaper on the floor which read; "Krusty On Suicide Watch - No One Watching." With a side article "The Prankster"] What is it with Bart and these pranks? I don't get it!
- Homer Simpson: [Yawns] You, know; boys will be boys.
- Marge Simpson: That's another thing I don't get! What does that mean? Spoons will be spoons, but they don't make you go to juvenile court at eight in the morning!
- Cletus Spuckler: Hey, Brandine! The woods is full of scary white people!
- Brandine Spuckler: So what else is new? Now get the traps ready. I need a new people coat.
- Judge Dowd: Let me look at your file, son.
- Bart Simpson: Your Honor, I can save you some time. I've done it all: juvie, state juvie, groovy juvie, the Montessori prison, Outward and Inward Bound. So you're down to fry me or free me. What can I say? I'm a widdle dickens.
- Hyman Krustofsky: You used to be a putz. Now you're a putz trying to be schmendrick, which makes you a schmeckel.
- Lisa Simpson: [she checks the phone after the family mainstays the couch as usual in "Museum of Television"; first line as this is episode 632] Dad! We're four episodes early.
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!