Himself - Host: Finally, new rule: America needs more Republicans like this guy.
[audience cheers and applause as a picture of a man holding a sign reading "I've Made a Huge Mistake" is shown]
Himself - Host: This man should be commended, and not just for being the first Trump voter to get all the spelling right on a sign.
[audience laughter]
Himself - Host: But because it's not easy to admit that you've been taken by a con man. Now, during the campaign, Con Man Trump said this about the high cost of pharmaceuticals.
[footage of Trump promising to lower drug prices]
Himself - Host: That's right. He promised to use his deal-making superpowers to...
[scattered audience laughs]
Himself - Host: ...to get the drug companies to cut prices, but after the election, he sat down with the executives of Big Pharma, and what do you know? It turns out the solution isn't to get tough at all, it's to cut regulations. Fuck! He promised the Keystone Pipeline would be built with American steel; it won't. He promised to be the savior of coal miners, but here was the headline last month: "Trump's budget slams West Virginia". I know you real Americans hate being called stupid, but you've got to meet me halfway and stop being stupid.
[audience laughter and applause]
Himself - Host: I mean, I would say Trump was a used car salesman, but with a used car salesman, at least you get a car. With Trump, you don't get any car, but you definitely get taken for a ride. He... he promised, and I quote, "We're going to have insurance for everybody. Much less expensive and much better." But when we saw the bill, it was a giant tax cut for the rich, paid by kicking 24 million people off their health insurance. What a truly novel approach to making health care less expensive: saving money by not giving people health care. It's like saving money on your kid's education by letting them stay home and watch Judge Judy.